this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2025
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[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 hours ago

I have. I follow this artist and came across this a bit ago and it gave me pause for thought. Pre-edit: this got lengthy because I'm hoping if you're here to relate to the comic, then maybe my experience can help.

Despite constantly feeling like I'm drowning in incompleteness, I realized lots of things came together. I was too busy focusing on the negativity that I wasn't acknowledging the positives. I have had fun, I have gotten things done, I have fixed things, I have socialized, I have used an appropriate amount of mental/physical recourses, and I have been placed in a solid career position.

I couldn't reach this understanding when I was younger because the necessary pieces hadn't fallen into place yet. I understand that to some extent I'm lucky things came together, but a large part of feeling OK came from lowering my standards. Projects fall by the wayside as priorities change. I noticed a huge number of incomplete projects were no longer necessary - so were they ever?

One of my biggest things was feeling lonely because I didn't have enough friends. By whose standards? Social media's or childhood's or school's? At work, I thought I had friends, but they faded whenever I changed jobs. Somewhere around 2020, I saw the term "friends by proximity", where you can be great friends with someone one day and lose them the next because you're no longer in their proximity. Initially, that hurt, because it made everything feel fake. But the longer I thought about it (months or more), the better I felt. I had fun with these people, I enjoyed their company. We bonded over the current common experiences. Once the experiences diverge, it fades. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing fake about that. We don't have enough time on this planet to get it perfect. I dropped all the modifiers I'd say like "friend of a friend", "better than an acquaintance", "former friend", etc. I'll only clarify if it's relevant to the story. Otherwise, it's just past tense like "had a buddy that..." or current tense for someone I'm still in proximity with. Nobody needs to know the disqualifiers. Every friend stems from proximity and very, very few will outlast that.

To sum everything up, ask yourself what standards you're holding yourself to and failing. Are they even real? Are they standards set by a different generation in a different time period with a different societal mindset? Are they set by social media showing only the best sides of other peoples' lives? Are they set by your family? By your friends with entirely different experiences? Should these actually apply to you?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (2 children)

Seriously though? I disagree.

I mean, I am in this place right now, but I remember how it felt to meditate long ago: it's not about stopping the shit in your head, it's about letting it all out (edit: I mean, letting the thoughts happen, letting them pass). And feeling the absolute opposite of empty afterwards. That makes me hopeful. Maybe I can gather enough self-discipline to start meditating again.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

What would starting meditating again look like for you? I ask because your comment made me reflect on the fact that it's something that I would like to get back into also, and I realised that I should start thinking about it in a concrete steps kind of way, rather than an abstract wish

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

Sit for a defined amount of time each day. So, I'd set an alarm (possibly just 10-15min for starters) and just sit. No distractions. I'm in a state right now where I know this would already bring up emotions, feeling extremely uncomfortable etc. But don't try to force anything. Just sit, maybe close your eyes, and every time you start obsessing gently tell yourself that this isn't the time. Let it go. But it's important to understand that this doesn't mean you suppress anything. Quite the opposite. Let it all come out, then let it pass.

Shit, I have the theory down 100% yet here I am faffing around on social media again.

Maybe doing all this at a specified time during my day would help.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

not comment-op, but often community centers, gyms, and yoga studios have meditation sessions. google maps can help you out. There are a lot of different types of meditation out there fwiw.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

There's all different kinds of meditation tho... If I try to "let it out" I tend to spiral, so for cases like that there are practices that help you redirect the thoughts. In other practices yes, you do confront them, often checking in for guidance by someone experienced. In other practices you try to think about them without any "ego / identity". etc.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

"If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

[–] [email protected] 3 points 18 hours ago

There's always negative listening!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 19 hours ago

Steve Jobs a psychologist now.