This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/2westerneurope4u by /u/Old_Harry7 on 2025-05-12 07:18:36+00:00.
Last year I was honey-trapped into learning Swedish. What started as a fun way to alternate the Italian “ti amo” with the Swedish “jag hatar Danmark” to score cheap points with my date spiraled out of control.
Reason to Learn Swedish:
It’s the native language of absurdly attractive people. Also, learning Swedish gives you Norwegian (hillbilly Swedish) and Danish (Dutch Swedish) for free because they’re all basically dialects of Mutual Scandinavian Confusion.
Grammar:
Swedish grammar is like English, but with sensible spelling and consistent conjugation.
English: I am, you are, he is (wtf)
Swedish: Jag är, Du är, Han är.
That’s right. Just “pronoun + är.” Everyone gets är. Equal opportunity verbs. Grazie Sverige but you are not getting a pass on banana pizza.
Vocabulary:
Turns out the Swedes were huge Francophiles. If you speak a Romance language, you’ll notice suspiciously French-sounding words all over the place. And if that fails, there’s usually an English cousin hiding in the word family tree.
nivå = level, paraply = umbrella,
vind = wind, telefon = telephone
You also have fully fledged old Norse words like elden (fire), very kul.
Be aware of false friends tho:
Gift = poison (and also "to marry" for some reason), fart = speed and slut = your mom.
And when all else fails, Swedish leans into fully German LEGO (or Minecraft?) compound logic. Just snap the parts together:
underläkare = under (lower) + läkare (doctor) = “lower doctor” = medical assistant
sjuksköterska = sick + caretaker = nurse
brandbil = fire + car = fire truck
Literal, efficient, and slightly cursed.
Quirks:
- The V2 Rule:
Swedish usually follows Subject-Verb-Object, but if you start the sentence with a time phrase, the verb jumps over the subject like it’s trying to escape.
Example:
Idag besökte jag Danmark, nu är jag ledsen.
("Today I visited Denmark, now I am sad.")
Classic cause and effect.
- Multiple words for “to know”:
Swedish doesn’t just know—it feels and intellects.
att känna = to know/feel emotionally
att veta = to know intellectually.
Jag känner att jag älskar dig (I feel/know that I love you)
Jag vet att 2+2=4 (I know that 2+2=4)
Emotion vs math. Very Scandinavian.
Articles: The IKEA of Grammar – Assemble at Home
Swedish articles don’t behave. In English you say “a chair” and “the chair.” In Swedish?
en stol = a chair
stolen = the chair (“chair-the”)
They stick the definite article at the end like a surprise tax.
Also, nouns come in two mysterious genders: en and ett, with absolutely no consistent logic. You just memorize them and accept your fate.
ett bord = a table
bordet = the table
en hund = a dog
hunden = the dog
Now, if you dare to describe a noun with an adjective, then you put the article back in front again—and still keep the suffix. Bureaucratic grammar.
den stora hunden = the big dog
det lilla bordet = the small table
It's a grammatical sandwich: article + adjective + noun + another article glued on the back.
Pronunciation: Mumblecore with Melody
Swedish pronunciation is like your mouth is too polite to finish the word, but your voice still wants to sing it.
They love to stress the first syllable, swallow the middle, and then lift at the end like they're asking a question—even when they're not. The result? It sounds like someone apologizing musically.
Also, vowels? There are nine of them, and they all have long and short versions.
följa (to follow) vs ful (ugly) vs full (drunk).
Good luck.
Then you have “sj,” “stj,” and “skj” which all sound like some kind of space goose honking through a tunnel. It’s the sound of trying to say “shh” while choking on a cinnamon bun.
This is also the default sound northerners make to convey approval, no they are not having a stroke, it's their way of nodding their head to say "yes".
Swedish also acts like it has fucking tones and if you fail to get them right you might sound like a Norwegian (the horror), be careful.
