TransLater

I was wondering if anyone has advice or pointers for meeting up with transgender folx and allies in "meatspace". I see postings for events all the time, but they're either for youth (which is great, we need to protect trans kids and promote their growth and well being!), or they're mixers. I'm happily married, can't drink alcohol, and was never a "club" type of person. There doesn't seem to be much else other than support groups, and the one meeting I ever attended showed that I was certainly not the intended audience. In my hobbies, you don't meet people even though you're in a sea of them (running and cycling) and my job is fully remote and niche, so that's not really a mingle opportunity either. I feel like I'm overwhelming my spouse with conversation as soon as they get home from work. They've taken to calling it "pumpking spice" every time I do, in reference to the Last Week Tonight bit about pumpkin spice season taking over everything. I guess I'm just looking to find others to relate to and make some acquaintances, or even friends, of people who would actually understand me. In our age range, this feels like it's a very difficult thing to do.

I'm 30 years old (soon to be 31). I'm a new trans woman (still working through how I might accept it and see myself). I'm unsure how far I should go. I've spoken at some length on other communities about what it feels like to be "ugly and masc". I realize feeling like I can't "pass" as a fem is partly due to deeply rooted transphobia. I have what most older men have: masculine distribution of fat (bit of a belly), hairy everywhere, fears of balding (so far not yet), deepish voice, etc.

If I had no friends or family, I'd probably just go all in: hormone therapies, voice training, surgeries, etc. But I feel like I need to pass in front of my immediate family since I'm sure I wouldn't be accepted. I love them, but they wouldn't get it.

I don't know how far I should go with transitioning. I am currently considering growing out my hair, shaving, and trying to do exercises that conform my body to a more stereotypical feminine shape. Is there a lot of risk in hormone therapies and voice training? Is it hard to go "boy mode" after the fact? What about being 30+ years old and starting it? Should I just accept I'll never pass?

Eddie Izzard talks about growing up trans and coming out in the 80s at the 2022 Utah Equality Allies Gala.

I know you're out there! If you're part of /c/TransLater, make yourself heard!

Maybe some questions will help.

Tell us your name and where are you from? Maybe a bit about yourself

What do you enjoy spending your time on?

How have things been going as you navigate the combination of "Trans" and "Later" in your life?

What's a question you have for other folk in the sub?

New sub, not many active users yet, so time to get the ball rolling.

I'm Ada, mod for this group and admin for blahaj.zone and lemmy.blahaj.zone. For those of you that use Discord, I used to run the Translater discord server too, but I'm not active there anymore.

I'm rapidly closing in on 50 years of age, though I'm not quite there yet. I transitioned in 2017 when I was 41. I've got a non binary kiddo who has just officially reached adulthood themselves, which makes me feel really old.

My partner is @[email protected]/@[email protected], who, believe it or not, I met via reddit (may it rest in peace)

Photo description: A selfie of Ada, a white woman in her 40s. She is wearing makeup, and has styled dark curly hair and is wearing a sparkly blue/green dress. The background is greenery from a garden

Photo description: A selfie of Ada and Kaity, two white women in their 40s, sitting on a couch. They are both looking in to the camera, but their heads are leaning to touch each other, and both are smiling. Kaity is wearing a sparkly purple dress, and Ada is wearing a matching dress in blue/green