BestofRedditorUpdates

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-01-31 05:00:08+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/FamilyDramaCenter

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

AITAH for asking my Sister for a proper apology after ruining my Honeymoon?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, bullying, homophobia, invasion of privacy

Original post: December 11, 2024

Hi. Sorry if this is too long. My life is spiraling. And as a long time viewer I would really like all of your takes. Throw-away account as my family uses media. Fake names used. If you don’t like long reads sorry. I shorted this from 7000 words.. I did my best.

So, my full Family involved. I (37) Male, Husband (36) Male, Sister “Amber” (45) Female, Her Partner “Tim” (47) Male, Brother (42) Male, Mom (66) Female, “Kassy” (Special Needs) (67) female (Semi-Verbal).

Import information: My Mom, Sister and I are in the care field. My Mom is a Retired Care-worker for over 25 years, My sister 2 years in care field and I 11 years in care field. At any time. Kassy has to be with Either, my Mom, Sister or I. As she is not independent.

This was my Mom, Sister and Kassy’s Third Cruise. This was everyone else 1st ever cruise.

My Husband and I were married this year 2024 on our 11th year. My Mom has been talking for years about having her immediate family on one BIG Family Cruise on her retirement year. This year she retired. She informed my Husband and I that she would pay for our portion as well as a balcony suit as a honeymoon present. She told us that though this is a Family Cruise, we are to treat it like a Honeymoon and relax, enjoy and not to stress. Also to have lots of time to ourselves.

We were both worried as it was a lot of money. Plus mixing a Honeymoon with a Family Cruise seemed daunting. We weren’t sure how to juggle everything. But my Mom told us not to worry. We convinced her to allow us to pay for any extra expenses, like drinks, items bought on and off cruise. She agreed. We both thanked her profusely and showed how grateful we were throughout the trip.

Unfortunately, our Honeymoon/Family Cruise ended up being an emotional disaster. Though my Husband and I had times we were happy and did our best to overcome the overwhelming stress. There was a lot of bullying and temper tantrums from my sister that were unnecessary and uncalled for directed towards me mostly and sometimes at everyone else.

Though my sister has always been high-strung and over-opinionated about most situations. She has also been one of my husband and my biggest supporters. Which we value highly. Just by being gay my husband lost his entire family for his “choice”. So, any love and support is something we value highly. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. We love my Sister. But her treatment towards us was not ok.

Before the cruise. My siblings, Husband and Tim met up. The cruise topic came up and we all agreed that giving our Mom one day to herself to enjoy the cruise without having to take care of Kassy would be a nice thank you to her. My Mom was also paying for most of my sisters and Tims expenses and all brothers expenses as well. This was her choice.

We talked about how either Amber&Tim or Husband&Me would take Kassy for the first half of the day and then we would switch. Since both my Sister and I are in the care field it only made sense to not have us together. It was a discussion. Not a set in stone plan.

However, on the cruise it quickly became clear that my brother and Tim got a free pass not to look after Kassy, and the one day of taking Kassy turned into four days of care. Lasting between 3 to 5 hours on our downtime each time.

This was never agreed upon. Never discussed, never brought up to me or my Husband. The three occasions that Kassy was put into my care were out of nowhere. Though I accepted all three times as to not cause a scene and of course I wanted my Mom to relax. All three times my Sister and Mom would go to the spa to spend time together. The fourth time my Husband and I looked after Kassy just us so my Mom could enjoy around 4 hours by herself alone because she needed a break. This time it was our choice as she looked so stressed. She enjoyed the solo time alone.

I love Kassy. She’s family. But she’s also work. She needs a lot of help to do most things. My Husband did his best to help out, but I was the primary care. I was happy Kassy was happy but the three times I was given the task was by Amber not my Mom. Each time My husband and I had to cancel our plans together. There were one time events and couple activities on the cruise we wanted to experience and weren’t given a choice.

It was “Our Turn” to take her. And We did.

No matter what I did. I always managed to do something wrong. No matter how hard I tried to follow Ambers instructions. I always missed something. She never stopped reminding me how lucky it was that Mom was spending so much money on my Husband and I. How grateful we should be. Each time we went to by a special drink she would remind us it cost extra money. Each time we discussed buying pictures or merchandise, she reminded us not to abuse our Moms kindness.

One day she would encourage talking to our Mom about purchasing something. The next day telling me I’m being selfish and not thinking about Mom. When all I did was re-tell what she said to me the previous day.

On many occasions during dinner in the crowded dining hall. She would either slow her speech to talk to me like a child. Or try and “teach” me how to do things properly so I don’t screw up next time.

There was even a time. She handed signature photo album book for our waitstaff to sign for Kassy. I was very overwhelmed and had an anxiety attack and kind of blanked. Amber was yelling instructions at me where she could have easily done what she wanted herself. Then after continued to berate me in front of over 40 people. I was utterly humiliated. She said she couldn’t fathom how I couldn’t understand the simplest of instructions.

I have never in all my life been so torn down by her. She treated me so poorly. I was up most nights sick. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I wanted to enjoy myself but felt like I was in a nightmare. My Husband was furious.

I asked my Mom if she knew what was going on. She said “Yes” but wouldn’t tell us. I said I’d go talk to Amber. My mom begged me not to. That Amber would come tell me what was going on, on her own. Well…. She never did. With each passing day, she got more and more unbearable to be around. She got meaner and meaner. Even publicly accusing me of forcing our Mom to do our laundry. When I was just asking how the machine worked.

Out of the 7 day Cruise. My husband and I only got 8 hours together alone to enjoy our Honeymoon.

Everything else was either spent with someone with the family, mostly catering to Kassy or Amber. Going on group excursions which most were fun. And wondering the ship with family again.

I love my family. But I will never ever travel with my Sister again. I’ve never ever treated her the way she treated me. I honestly felt like she hated me.

After the cruise I sent her a letter explaining how hurt I was. How I felt like her own personal goffer and punching bag. How I felt so disrespected and used.

She in tern wrote me a novel explaining her finances, my mother finances and listing the many reasons why she was acting the way she was acting to try and excuse her behaviour towards me.

She then wrote an “Apology” Or at least my Mom who read the letter said it was a good apology and to drop the situation and move on.

This is a copy paste from her “apology”

I’m not trying to pretend I’m some saint here. I should have realized how frustrated I was getting and asked you guys why you were making things so hard, and instead I assumed that you were being difficult for no reason and let my frustration build until my ‘fuse’ turned into a switch. I lost my cool a lot, and I know how I get when that happens. It’s not nice, at all, and I am genuinely sorry for that.

(Then Directly followed by this) In hindsight, I also should have been a lot more explicit that the whole spa thing was about Mom getting a break, not me wanting to monopolize her time, instead of assuming you would realize that on your own. And I could have made up a little calendar or something so we could all get on the same page about when it would happen, assuming you were willing, rather than hoping you’d be able to figure it out without me having to pester you every day. If nothing else, that would have given the two of you a chance to let me know that this never was a family cruise to you and that there was no way you were going to give up an hour of your honeymoon every day, even as a thank-you to Mom for paying for the whole thing. And then I could have figured out a plan B that wouldn’t have required a single thing from either of you.

Again I love my sister. I love my family. But the reactions have been terrible. My Mom has pretty much sided with my sister. Radio silent to my husband. They used to talk everyday. Saying I crushed Amber by calling her out. If it...

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