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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-02-26 05:33:26+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is GoblinandBeast. They posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: tentatively happy ending

Original Post: February 18, 2025

I'll keep this brief. My little brother just turned 30 last week and something I did has caused a bit of a problem.

Me and my brother Nate both live in a small-ish town and we kinda have overlapping friend groups. One friend that we share is name Tyler. Tyler is your typical bachelor lifestyle kind of guy while I enjoy my family life and Nate enjoys his solitude and routine.

About a month ago Tyler told me he wanted to take Nate to a strip club in the city for his birthday. I know my brother very well and Nate has made it clear on multiple occasions that he does like the idea of strip clubs. I told Tyler as much and he responded with "He would like it once he is there". Tyler then tells me that his plan was to get Nate to agree to go somewhere else and just take him to the city instead, like a sudo kidnapping.

I told Tyler it was a bad idea that would just piss off Nate, Tyler didn't care and thought it would be fun. Not long After Tyler told me his plan I relayed all the info to Nate as a warning of Tyler's shenanigans. Nate thanked me for the warning. The day of Nate's birthday I got multiple texts from Tyler asking if I knew where Nate was because no one could find him or get him on the phone. I genuinely didn't know where he was because we weren't doing anything for his birthday until the following weekend.

I found out yesterday that Nate ducked everybody on his birthday by going out of town to his Girlfriend's Parent's house for the day. Nates Girlfriend let Tyler know that I warned Nate and now Tyler is pissed at me because he had booked a private room and a specialty service at the club and isn't getting his money back. A bunch of mutual friends believed what I did was a dick move but there are several others saying I did the right thing by Nate as he would have had a horrible time.

AITA?

Edit: Just because I've seen a few comments already, Nate just started dating this girl around 4 months ago and I've met her three times. I don't know her well enough to comment on her actions or intentions. She seems chill though and it could be she wasn't made aware of the entire situation when Tyler asked her for info.

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: NTA. For Tyler it wasnt about Nate's special day but about him showing off? Having an excuse to spend money at a strip club? Anyways it was about him and not Nate's birthday. Entitled much ...

You did right by your brother!

OOP: Tyler has a history of helping people celebrate things and this might have been the first time someone told him no and he didn't take it seriously.

Commenter: NTA, good looking out. Not sure why they had to lose out on any money. They still could've gone to the strip club without Nate.

OOP: So I learned from a different mutual that the private room was for 2 hours and they wasted too much time waiting for Nate that they missed out on the room.

Top Commenter: NTA. You spared your brother from being blind-sided and having a miserable birthday. Clearly Tyler was trying to make your brother's birthday all about himself and what he wanted to do. Zero thought or care about what your brother would actually enjoy.

Who cares if Tyler is pissed. He clearly has no respect for your brother. Let him be pissed, lol.

OOP: There is a part of me that thinks Tyler genuinely believed Nate would enjoy it once he got there. Tyler has been doing stuff like this for years and usually everyone has a great time. This might have been the first time someone told him no.

OOP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): February 19, 2025 (next day)

Update: After posting this yesterday and seeing some of the initial responses I did feel a lot less guilty. I also felt like maybe I was missing too many details myself so I decided to go talk to Tyler in person. I want to start this off by saying I don't think Tyler is a bad person, he is just the town party guy. He could honestly have a great career as an event planner if he wanted. After talking with Tyler last night I can safely say that the vast majority of what is going on is all due to miss-communications from everybody.

Lets start with the party itself. The main reason a lot of our mutual friends were mad is because they thought either Tyler told me all the financial details and I still ruined it or they thought I just wanted to ruin the surprise. The private room he booked basically meant they got their own private stage and dancer for 2 hours. The specialty service was actually a funny birthday themed event involving a cake and a birthday crown.

As for Tyler, I don't believe there was any selfish motivation involved in his thought process. I swear Nate has some minor un-diagnosed form of autism and might be the first guy Tyler has met that doesn't like strip clubs. Our town has less than 50 businesses total and 3 of them are strip clubs for a reason. Tyler also told me he had no idea Nate was seeing anyone, which I honestly believe because Nate is not the most outspoken of us and tends to just be a wallflower during most of our gatherings. I know Tyler comes across as a douche on paper but he has good intentions.

Lastly for Nate's girlfriend. I'm going to call he Abby for simplicities sake. Abby was the most miss-informed out of anyone here. At her parent's house she saw Nate's phone blowing up and Nate only said that there was a party Tyler wanted him to go to but he wasn't interested. When Abby asked him why he wasn't interested Nate mentioned that I told him about it earlier in the week which is why he made the plans to be here instead. Once they came back to town the next morning they ran into Tyler at my Dad's diner and that's when she mentioned my name.

We have all talked and everyone is on the same page now. No-one is mad at each other and the dust has settled. I do thank everyone for reading and commenting. The support I got from the comment section helped me get through the day. Hopefully this is the only update I need to post.

OOP clarifies what they did for Nate's birthday:

Our parents and I work during the week and couldn't do anything substantial on the actual birthday so Saturday we did a rage room, got him a tattoo, and then took him to his favorite restaurant