BestofRedditorUpdates

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/autistichalsin on 2025-03-30 02:22:12+00:00.

I am not OOP. OOP is u/suitupwoman

Original post was made on AITA on November 10, 2019: AITA for wanting to wear a suit for my wedding?

For my high school graduation, I received a tailored suit. Before then, I had been a chronic t-shirt and jeans kind of girl, having one ugly black dress to wear for weddings/funerals/parties/bar mitzvas/general events. I hated it, hated making an effort to dress up, and even now, I still really don't like skirts or dresses at all.

But I absolutely fell in love with the way I looked in a suit. I wore that suit like it was a second skin.

Since then, I have been a little obsessed with "men's fashion". I have at least a dozen suits, of various models, fabrics and colours: All of them are bespoke, meaning that they were made from scratch and personally fitted, which is admittedly rather expensive, but I use them frequently, both for work and socially, and take very good care of them. None of them are what you would call a women's pantsuit, as I'm not very fond of the cut; but simply regular suits tailored to my figure.

My fiance, of about 5 years, normally doesn't comment much on my style: There used to be some arguments in the beginning, where he would buy me skirts or earrings as gifts (I don't even have pierced ears), but eventually he accepted the fact that I'd have more use of a good pair of cufflinks or a ring or just pretty much anything else.

We have booked the venue for our wedding on a date a little over a year from now, and we've been throwing around some wedding ideas here and there. Yesterday, I asked him if he had any ideas about what kind of suit he wanted: He doesn't really care about fashion and normally let's me dress him, but I wanted to know if I should book my regular tailor for both of us or not, so that we could perhaps go get fitted together. Make a day of it, you know.

My fiance was very shocked that I wasn't going to get a wedding dress. I was very shocked that he thought I would, since I haven't worn a dress in at least 10 years.

We've been arguing since last night, and neither of us have really calmed down yet. He is furious that I wouldn't even wear a dress for a single day for our wedding, and claims that our wedding would look ridiculous if I had a suit. As if he "was marrying a lesbian in denial" and that all he wanted was "a wedding with a beautiful bride". I told him that he should wear the dress, so that I didn't "have to a have a wedding with an ugly groom."

We tried to talk it out earlier today, but we were still too mad to get anywhere, so we've decided to not bring it up right now. But I know he hasn't changed his opinion, and obviously neither have I. I have always wanted to wear a suit for my wedding, and even if it's just for a day, I would still have a bunch of photos and memories, probably even the dress, so I wouldn't just forget that I couldn't have the wedding I wanted.

AITA?

Relevant comment (which was also the highest upvoted): I don't think you should marry someone who hates your choice of fashion. INFO: Why hasn't this come up sooner?

OOP's response: ...I'm pretty sure it has? I used to send him a lot of wedding pictures, including women getting married in suits, but since, well, they were all lesbian weddings, I guess he thought it was more of a "Aren't weddings nice?" kind of thing, rather than a "This image applies to me, even though I intend to marry you, a man." Maybe he didn't think I was serious until I started talking about booking a suit-fitting.

Another comment from OOP: It's not like I spoke in rebuses: I would send him an email labelled something like "Wedding venue ideas", with a dozen pictures of venues, or an email called "Ideas for wedding outfits", with a bunch of suits. Men in suits, women in suits. No dresses. Not even incidentally: I cropped them out. Just suits.

OOP attempted to post an update the next day, on November 11th, 2019, but this was removed. However, their original post was subsequently edited to add:

UPDATE: I decided on suggesting that I wear a dress for a while during the wedding, before changing to a suit, so we had a talk after dinner.

Long story short: He hates my suits. Hates them. I think I kind of knew already that he didn't like them, or at least he's never complimented me, but he absolutely hates them. Hates that I don't have any feminine clothing, hates that I never pierced my ears, hates that I don't wear makeup very often and that I don't really shave my legs regularly and that I don't have any nice bras and that none of my hobbies are very feminine. Hates that I only look like a woman when I'm naked.

We didn't raise our voices, we didn't shout. I just listened as he calmly told me how much of me that he hates. The fact that I didn't want a dress for our wedding was just the last nail in the coffin, and it proved that I would never get any better.