this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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When exactly was that "real civilization"? When people were being arranged into marriages? Or when people would put ads into newspapers to find love? Or when dating shows started on TV? The next step after TV was pretty much Tinder. We have never been above using "creepy and stupid" options.
I don't get the hate dating apps get. It's a tool like every other, it helps you meet people outside of your regular circle. It's not ideal because it's next to impossible to everything you are into a short profile but it's better than the solutions we came up before. The issue is that people don't know how to use Tinder. Most people have no idea what their profile should look like, they put too much importance on any kind of a match and then they try too hard to get anywhere. Tinder match is the real world equivalent of locking your eyes someone on the street or a bar or a cafe or whatever. Just because that happened doesn't mean anything more will happen. You don't run after everyone who looks at you begging them to date you. So why do that on Tinder?
Millenial here. Never used online dating. Never used arranged marriages. Never used newspapers.
Dated a bunch. Just met and befriended a lot of people through shared areas of interest. Indoor soccer mixed league / gardening group / dog park / dog events at a local shop.
I also wasn’t creepy and bothered people with trying to get a relationship from these events. Just a chatty comical person. And with regular attendance - bumped into similar people over time and eventually did more personal shit with them and felt out why.
Online dating sort of (to me) turns the act of dating into a hobby or even a profession? and then people land these relationships where they expect something out of the other person. “You need a perfect resume with good line spacing and indentation, if you want connection!”
When I just pursued my hobbies and enjoyment areas and bumped into people who mutually enjoyed those things and would just talk about those things. Like at most seek connection to the things you love and do them with people you like. And then build on those connections. That’s what people really want when they log into profiles.
Note I don’t have any social media other than Lemmy. Haha.
The problem I have, is both my work and hobbies/sports are very male dominated, so there's just not that many opportunities to meet someone.
Yeah I will say I was lucky in my mid twenties in what was available to access around me / my town. I’m now 35 and other than a dog shop that has events where I meet a bunch of people with dogs - I don’t have a lot of the same overlaps but am happily married so it wasn’t the goal on where to settle (more what school do we want etc.)
I’m just outside of the NYC area and so can find some weird unique thing with a quick train ride attached.
If you play sports and enjoy training 5k-10k-half marathon groups are a great add to meet like minded people that may have a more favorable split haha. Doesn’t hurt to get the cardio up. But again I would ask - what other interests do you have that are unexplored - that could be interesting to chase. It will be super uncomfortable to take a stab at it. But it’s a win if you do it. A win win if you meet folks while doing it.