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[New Update]: AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up? (old.reddit.com)

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-11 04:04:07+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/InevitableGain340

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, spouse and child neglect, alcoholism, emotional manipulation, mentions of depression, harassment, grooming, controlling behavior, birth control tampering, statutory rape

Mood Spoilers: appalling

RECAP

Original Post: April 23, 2025

I (32F) was married to Cam (34M) for 6 years and together for 16 years in total and we also share a daughter, Mia (4F).

A bit of background, I was a SAHM and he worked but I noticed he was coming home late. He started getting angry a lot, also always on his phone and to mention I had caught him looking at this girls instagram story before but I didn’t think anything of it. Shortly after that I found out he was cheating on me with Sky (now 19F) yeah barely legal. When I found out obviously I was hurt but I was also completely disgusted that he was cheating and willing to ruin our family for her.

I became a SAHM when my daughter was born and we made an agreement that he was in charge of our money and he would just give me his card to use when if I needed to buy anything. I wasn’t making any income except for the money I had before having our daughter which I kept in my bank account and I saved it for emergencies.

I felt stuck because I didn’t know what to do and for my daughter’s sake I didn’t end up leaving up. I had got suspicious and I went to look for the girl through his followings on Facebook and Instagram. I ended up finding the girl story he was looking up Instagram and I just made an assumption that it might’ve been her and I shot her a dm.

Long story short, she was rude as hell. She had zero remorse and kept on telling me to bother my husband who cheated instead of bothering her. She was aware he had a wife and family but didn’t care and even told me that he was paying her tuition. I ended up getting mad and telling her to stay away from my husband but she just told me she would keep going and it was just fun.

After that I guess she told my husband and I think he realized that I wasn’t leaving. He literally would leave his location on even when he went to her college campus which really pissed me off because I couldn’t see how he was really ruining all we had for some girl who isn’t even serious about him and also not even fucking legal to drink yet.

Our daughter, Mia, attends ballet and they had a performance. This is what really was my breaking point because our child should always come first. He was out all night long that Friday and on Saturday was the recital and obviously he needed to be there for Mia’s first recital. I gave him until 11pm then I finally called him and guess who picked up the phone? Sky. She told me that he was busy and then hung up and that was my breaking point. I quickly packed some of Mine and Mia’s stuff up and I woke her up so we could go to my mom’s house who didn’t live far. So we ended up crashing the night there as I didn’t want him to come back home to us nor did I want to see him when I woke up.

That was a year ago. Now, we’re divorced and I have full custody of Mia while he has visitation rights. I got a job, saved up, and now in an apartment and while it’s not the best, it’s good for me and Mia for the time being. Anyways, after the divorce they ended up getting together for a couple of months. While they were together he was visiting Mia but not as often, I’d say like twice a month.

To nobody’s surprise she ended up leaving him after a couple of months, but this is where I may be the asshole. Ever since they’ve broken up he’s been depressed. He drinks a lot, he doesn’t eat much, he’s always sulking on the couch and just not himself. He comes over more often to see Mia which is why I know this and I feel a way. He’s all depressed because she left but didn’t have this energy when we divorced after being together for 16 years?

When we divorced he didn’t seem to care at all, he was just nonchalant about it and kept messing around with Sky but now that this girl you were barely with left you, you’re depressed? I know he’s going through it but I can’t help but feel a certain way about this.

AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?

This was in my notes first as I was debating to post this here or not since my friend recommended it. It’s my first time ever posting or even on Reddit, I just needed somewhere to vent to and advice.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: YTA for staying with him as long as you did and letting him abuse both you and your child like that. You did the right thing by leaving but you should have never stayed after the first incident

OOP: Yeah I know, I look back and was disappointed in myself for even letting him do that to me and my baby. I’m also disappointed myself by this right now, I don’t want to feel bad for him and I wanted him to suffer it just sucks because I was with him for 16 years and he cared more about this other girl than me.

Commenter 2: YTA because, judging by how you were in the marriage, you're probably going to take him back.

OOP: I’m not taking him back, it just hurts to see somebody that you were with for so long not give a shit about you but I also do feel bad because he’s obviously not doing well.

Commenter 3: when he broke up with you he had a new GF in the picture, when she broke up with him, he realised what he threw away.

Commenter 4: Yeah.. exactly .. he just realised he was being used as an ATM. He thought he was a catch. It really bruised his ego

OOP: The dumbass literally offered to pay her tuition. When the divorce happened which was a year ago sky was 18 (I have no idea when the affair started and I’m hoping it just started at 18) but the girl was obviously not giving a shit about him as she was still messing with boys from her campus (his words as he would come home throwing a fit about it.) I think that’s why he offered it to keep her.

Commenter 5: STOP - NTA

YOU. DESERVE. BETTER

Your ex's Plan B is YOU.

He needs, he wants,...honestly why do you give a F about him? He needs to grow up and be there for his daughter. Mia deserves a better, too! That chick deserves to be ignored by all other women for her attitude in sleeping with your now ex.

Stop sleeping with him, because it's only fueling his belief you're okay being his backup.

And get an STD test.

OOP: I’m not sleeping with him and I got a test back when I first found out, I’m all good. I’m not getting back with him, I’m just upset that he didn’t show this much care for me

Update #1: April 23, 2025 (same day, 17 hours later)

Mini update - AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?

I’m so overwhelmed right now, I didn’t except this to escalate so quickly but it did. Firstly, I want to thank everybody who gave me advice I really appreciate it all. I’m sorry if I took long to reply to comments, I had a busy morning especially with a 4 year old who attends preschool and also hates getting up in the morning.

A bit of background about their relationship, at least the stuff I know. The divorce happened last year so at the time sky was 18. I clarified this in the comments but I’m gonna say it again. Cam was the one who offered Sky to pay her tuition and I think he did that to keep her around. After I found out about the divorce he would come home angry, he would call her names and was mad because she was seeing other guys in college and posting herself going to parties.

I don’t know how long their affair was. All I know is how they met, at least this is what he told me. Cam told me that they met at a club and he thought Sky was older but then she later told him it was a fake ID. Now I don’t believe he thought that one bit. Sky SCREAMS teenager, I could tell by just one peek at her Instagram. She looks super young, she dresses like a teenager, she has braces with a very youthful, and she types/acts just like her age.

Cam has visitation rights and he comes over to see Mia which I am gonna make arrangements to change that. When he comes over you could just feel the negative energy coming in with him by his attitude and the way he looks. While Mia is occupied that’s when he vents to me about Sky which I don’t know why the hell he does. I will admit I’m stupid as I don’t say anything, I just let him talk. I pretty much ignore him when he’s here like he doesn’t exist while he just would just vent randomly.

But let me tell you guys what just happened and I’m literally so pissed. My baby gets out of preschool at 2:30 (usually my mom would pick her up but I got to leave early) ...

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

----NEW UPDATE---- Update #3: July 4, 2025 (almost two months later)

Hiii everybody, happy 4th of July. I haven’t posted in a while and I’ve also been off Reddit, I don’t really browse like that on here.

Anyways, I wanted to give you guys a little update because I’ve found out a lot of information about the divorce with Sky and Cam.

But firstly I do want to go over some other things. So if you’ve read my other posts then you’d know about me calling sky’s school and reporting her. Well basically she still attends that school which I’m guessing they must’ve given her a warning or maybe literally didn’t have a conversation with her at all which is insane.

But since the situation I explained with my baby daddy on my latest update I haven’t talked with him. I wanted to try and communicate through his mom which she’s been also trying to communicate with him but he’s gone doing whatever that nobody knows. He hasn’t seen Mia, hasn’t texted me, hasn’t come over or anything. I won’t like I was very worried at first but I decided that he’s a grown man and if he wants to act like a child then so be it because Mia is just fine with me and definitely doesn’t need his weirdo ass around her.

Cam has a long term friend, Matt (36M), they’ve been friends since college so he’s definitely been around a lot. My guess is that maybe cam and him got into a really bad argument or something while cam is M.I.A and it must’ve been really bad because Matt ended up texting me and snitching on cam completely. So, now I have more info about the whole affair.

Firstly, she was 16 when the affair started and it went on for 2 years and I just found out about it was she was 18. Cam was very controlling in the relationship with Sky and emotionally abusive. Whenever she would go out to parties, college activities, or outings with her friends then he would complain and complain and press her and accuse her of trying to get with other men. He offered paying for her college tuition because when she started the college year she was 17, he did it so she can stay quiet about the whole situation. She kept on telling him she wanted “the college experience” and that “she didn’t want to be locked down” and all that but he got mad about that and their relationship got even more toxic at that point.

Her parents aren’t together and at the time she was a teenager so her dad was super protective and didn’t want her talking to boys and would often check her phone which Sky told cam about this and it bothered him and made him not like her father. I didn’t get much info about her mother but Matt told me that ultimately as soon as she went to college he convinced her to cut off her parents.

He ended up basically separating her from her parents (Matt didn’t exactly tell me what he did but just told me about the separation).

Her dad ending up dying and she inherited money that could cover her college tuition which pissed off cam and he kept trying to convince her to let him keep paying but he refused because he knew that when she did it, she’d feel more freedom and most likely end up leaving him based on what she would tell him about “the college experience”. Matt told me during the affair after this happened that it was very on and off and she was mostly coming to him for sex.

Now onto after the divorce when they were together. I guess it got super toxic at that point and she was super close to leaving. She ended up pregnant with cam’s baby which she didn’t want and was very upset about. She found text messages between Cam telling Matt about “baby trapping” her, he explained how he messed with her birth control pills and that’s what lead to their breakup and his little “depression”. She ended up getting an abortion and blocking him on everything and he was on my couch venting about this but leaving out why they broke up.

Obviously, I was disgusted as hell about this whole situation. I was disgusted that he was messing around with a literal child when we have a daughter of our own and no I’m no longer allowing him around her, even if he comes back around he will NOT be allowed around Mia. His mother has been trying to reason but the whole thing is just disgusting and makes me see cam in a different light.

I’m also super confused on why Sky stayed with him, I really do believe she enjoyed the trill of getting spoiled and being a mistress because everything about her just gave me bad vibes and I really didn’t like her. When I dm’ed her after finding out about the affair she was just super rude so I personally think her and cam were made for each other.

Also last update I talked about me going on dating apps. I’ve been going on dates with this new guy and so far so good.

This was a lot to write so if there are any errors in here I sincerely apologize. I also always appreciate all the advice you guys have been giving me ❤️.

Relevant / Top Comments

Downvoted Commenter: So your child's life just got flipped upside down and your prioritizing dating? Maybe focus on stabilizing your kids life and focusing on her for a bit instead of diving into another relationship.

OOP: I don’t get what’s wrong with me starting dating? She’s only 4 and she was with me mostly anyway. I’ve also been focusing on her the most this past year, what’s wrong with me doing something for me?

Commenter 1: Jesus. I don’t even know what to say. That’s not just gross, it’s criminal. Cam needs serious help, and you’re 1000% right to keep him away from Mia

OOP: Yeah I wanted to throw up reading the text. I was with him for long and it’s like he was a whole different person and I didn’t know.

Commenter 2: Sky stayed with Cam because he groomed her into staying and dealing with the abuse. That’s what groomers do they isolate their victims and get them to do things like cut off their parents. If you have not done anything legally to back up the things that you were saying, I really want to encourage you to do that while he is out of the picture. Get a lawyer and report his underage relationship to the police. It will help you get full custody.

Commenter 3: You’re right to be disgusted. The way Cam manipulated her, isolated her, and then pulled that “baby trap” mess is disturbing. It’s scary how many people enable behavior like that. You’re doing the right thing keeping him away from Mia. Some bridges need to stay burned.

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