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What should I do when I'm motivated to do things for others but never for myself even though my life is a mess because of it? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I've never thought about it until now, the only times when I ever felt fulfilled is when I'm doing something for others and helping them achieve their goals. I myself have goals and dreams of my own but I've never feel motivated to work towards them for myself, it just feels like a boring chore.

And thanks to that, my life is an absolute mess now, I know what I should have done for my own good but I just couldn't find the will to do it without someone forces me, and sometimes even that doesn't work.

I'm not saying I'm a good person, I'm anything but a saint, I might enjoy helping others but for some I just don't give a damn.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago

I spent a lot of time thinking about what's good for my wife, what's good for my son, what's good for my co-workers, that after years it led me into a twisted place where the 'solution' was what would be good for them would be for me to be out of the equation because I was just a burden on everyone. And that nearly became the death of me.

I'm still like that sometimes. But you've got to stand up to yourself say 'no, this is time for me' and do whatever that is - it could just be reading or going for a walk, half an hour gaming or whatever floats your boat. But something that is definitely for you and not for anyone else. Not all the time or that swings the other way. But it's important and it's not stated enough how much we need time to ourselves to stay healthy.

Our son stays up late and I'll listen to him reading me stories until 11 sometimes, but even if it means missing out on a bit of sleep I'll make sure to read something to myself after!