A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
In IT it’s called the scream test. You unplug it and see who screams.
I have literally done this. Had a VM I didn’t know who owned in my lab, so I turned it off to see who complained or if it was really unnecessary. 3 min later I get a slack message asking if a VM was running.
Here's some hints...the lumber we need to build houses, the oil we use to power/heat those houses and transport goods around the country (so, anything that spends time on a semi or delivery truck) and cement. So anyone that needs to purchase things that's are transported or wants a house should be piping up soon.
Natural gas for heating.
My favorite
Never heard of the scream test in 40 years of software dev, but I like it.
That’s because it’s the ops guys who turn off all your sites.
This doesn't even have to be The Onion, but just straight news. This is exactly how it is going to work.
I saw some of the dipshit commenters on a WSJ article giving examples of things affected and how their prices might change - lots of "Well, I don't need these things, and paying 5 cents more for making brown people suffer is worth it, anyway!"
Yeah, I guess we will see....
But the twist is that it still won't be portrayed as Trump's fault. Unfair Canada declares war for no reason or whatever.
Oh, without a doubt. I've already seen some of their ridiculous people try to prep their stupid base with "....but it will be worth it" kind of narratives. I bet you'll hear more than a few of the marks parrot this idiocy.
Did no one watch “How It’s Made”?
That’s how I found out what goods are made in Canada.
Like, you know, gum. Fucking bubble gum. The smallest-possible, easiest-to-make, most-ubiquitous thing. Found in every convenience store, drug store, newsstand, and vending machine.
Do we make that in the States? Nooo… we gotta import that shit from our neighbors to the North. Like, do we make anything here?
We make double trouble here. Double bubble is too tame
Americans didn’t chose this.
Those who voted certainly did. Those who chose to not vote did also. I don't live in America but it was incredibly obvious this was coming. America chose to be represented by by this guy who said quite clearly what he was going to do.
And everything that's happened so far was clearly spelled out in the project 2025 document. But people don't read and now they're all Pikachu face surprised.
"Surely the leopards won't eat my face!"
His owner/donor fElon said as much, too. That we are going to suffer, but it will be worth it (to billionaires, I'm sure, not to the peasants he thinks need to "live within their means").
Americans did choose this.
Either by directly voting for him or looking at the choices and deciding not to participate.
Those who didn't vote don't matters. I don't know why we're supposed to acknowledge their existence in these discussions. In every way that actually matters, Americans chose this.
Machined components!
You stupid sonobabich! You know a machined part costs less in Canada than here. But that's not going to make parts here cost less! Its going to make my business fail instead!
It's going to be a little painful not having a job and living in the streets with my wife and kids freezing to death. It's fucking snowing outside.
I can design and sell a few things here and there but a few means machining is expensive. In the US you must buy a Shit ton of parts to make the price per part work, but if you fuck up on an order, that's a huge deal. From Canada I can order a few parts, change something, order again. The scrap cost goes into the price to the costumer. In not gonna get fired if I screwup one order! (Famous last words). I don't get paid less either. But if one screw up costs now as much as ten, then the price of the part becomes impossible to sell....think $15 for two small bottles of water at the AMC theater...theaters are done. I paid because I was thirsty, but fuck if I'm ever going back to watch a movie. At least I'm boot legging my own water.
Be prepared to spend more on trucks. Ford makes their seats in Canada
It's not Americans choosing this. Its our dictator, Felonious 47
you can't get out of it this time. he won the popular vote. not voting is voting.
They very nicely slipped a Nuremberg defense reference in there.
Nearly 90 million voting eligible Americans chose to not vote at all with a confirmed white supremacist, rapist and convicted felon on the ballot.
Many of us warned that if he won, democracy would end forever.