This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-03-13 04:02:10+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Similar_Dig2585
Originally posted to r/AITAH
AITA for putting my foot down and charging rent when my stepdad started trying to tell me what to do in my own house?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: misogyny and controlling behavior
Original Post: February 27, 2025
My stepdad (55m) has been married to my mom (52f) about 5 years. They were doing alright but hit hard times and eventually had their house foreclosed on.
So they moved in with me (27f). They've been living here for about 2 or 3 months now. And it's been going ok until last week ish.
Also, my stepdad has been working a part time job but has not had full time employment since then.
Anyways, I feel like some of the issues started since I've been on vacation, which I have for 2 weeks.
Sometime during the first few days, he saw me heading out and made some sort of comments regarding my outfit. He said the shorts were too short and that I should reconsider. We fought about it back and forth until I just decided to leave because I was tired of reasoning with him anymore.
He's been making a lot of these commments in various times and various different ways (eg skirt or shorts are too short, your belly is showing etc etc).
I've told him to stop and he says ok and then starts up again. I can't say I understand. I think the straw that broke the camel's back for me was when I had my bf over.
I've told my mom about it as well and she said that she doesn't support it but that this is a dispute him and I need to solve.
He stayed til maybe 10:30 - 11 pm and left. My stepdad didn't say anything while he was here, but he emotionally imploded after he left.
He said that it's wrong to have guys over this late and to be in my room with them alone. He said that we don't stand for these things in our house.
I responded to him that he can stand for whatever he wants in his house, maybe even in a hypothetical our house, but he can't tell me what to do in my house.
I told him that the days of him making unsolicited comments at me need to end.
On top of that, I told him that from here on out I'm charging $400 a month rent with a month to month agreement. On top of that, if he continues to make comments, this agreement is over and he'll be out of the house as soon as I am able to make it happen.
My mom was upset at first about it but I was able to calm her down. First, I told her that she told me that it was up to us how to solve this dispute and this is how I've decided to solve it.
Secondly, I told her that he's been staying a while and starting to charge rent would make my life a bit easier for as long as he stays. She was a bit more amenable to that second point.
Stepdad is just overall quite pissy. He hasn't told my mom or I his thoughts on the arrangement since he yelled at me about it the night of our big argument but he is just generally ignoring me when he can.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Sounds like you found a good solution. NTA
OOP: I was initially thinking of evicting them asap but I figured that given he’s been chill for months I didn’t need to go nuclear right away.
My idea with charging the rent is that to an extent it’s a “punishment” but also a sort of hint that it’s my house.
Commenter 2: NTA- I think your BF needs to come over A LOT more. I think you need to assert your dominance over YOUR home each & every day. If they get too comfortable, they won’t be incentivized to get their own place.
OOP: That’s actually a good idea. Maybe he should move in because if the threat of eviction doesn’t stop him, maybe seeing my bf will haha.
Bf hasn’t been over since the incident but he hasn’t made any comments on my clothes at all so maybe he’s improving. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to get evicted who knows.
Commenter 3: BF movie night at least 2x/week. Friends over for game night 1/week, dance party night, etc. ENJOY your house!
OOP: Now, where to find the friends to make this happen 😂.
I do feel like stepdad is making progress towards leaving on his own but damn it’s slow progress.
He hasn’t made any comments since and my mom says he’s planning to pay the first rent soon so I think I’m good for now.
Commenter 4: He's acting like the dad of a teenager, and not only are you not a teenager, he is not even your dad, nor is in he in his house. This is a great solution. I think you need to start talking with them about their plans to move back out on their own. This can clearly not be a permanent situation. NTA.
OOP: True, I don’t think it’s planned to be permanent permanent by anybody but my mom says my stepdad is like maybe 3-4 months away from securing something permanent and moving out on his own.
One of the things he said when I charged the rent was that I’m making it harder for him to afford his own place and get on with his life, but I think $400 a month while he figures it out is fair especially given we’re in a high COL area.
OOP on the tenant's rights
OOP: Where I live does seem to have tenant’s rights already due to how long he’s been here. For now, I’ll accept his first rent payment and reconsider.
I’m probably going to hold a zero tolerance policy going forward though. Failure to pay rent or unsolicited comments means you’re out as soon as I am able.
Update: March 6, 2025 (one week later)
So, I talked to a lawyer friend shortly after making that post. Apparently, my state does indeed have laws giving tenancy after staying for a bit. They are legal tenants as it stands unfortunately.
So I decided on a month to month agreement where stepdad pays $400 a month.
On top of that, I felt a few punitive measures were fair at least temporarily. I placed an 8:30 pm curfew on him for anything not work related. I also disallowed him from staying in the common area anytime I have anyone over period.
I also placed the majority of the chores in the house as his responsibility as well. For instance, for as long as he stays, he is responsible for cleaning the place entirely. Absolutely every room in the house no exceptions. Living room, any bedrooms, bathrooms including shower, toilets and sinks, dishes you get the picture.
Of course, I can't force him to do anything but he won't stay in my house for long if he doesn't.
I know it's a bit mean for sure but I felt there had to be some punishment for his actions.
Mainly, I'd say that any further comments, nonpayment of rent, or violating his punitive rules or chore requirements would result in me not renewing the month to month lease and an eviction as fast as I possibly can.
For now, we've been living with this arrangement for a few days and he's paid his first month. He hasn't made any off putting comments or anything like that. If anything, he doesn't talk to me basically at all.
My mom is still talking to me though. She agreed that she should intervene if and when he says something again, but ofc hopefully nothing happens again. She did tell me that stepdad told her that the $400 a month was a lot given his current income from his part time job and that he finds doing all the chores tiring, but I told her it was final there and no
Also, my bf has been able to come over when he wants too without me being troubled for it. He already never bothered my bf directly but now he kind of just cold shoulders him and I both. My bf doesn't care and finds it amusing though so it's fine.
Top Comments
Commenter 1: Looks like you're taking the phrase "my house, my rules" to a whole new level. Good on you for standing up for yourself and setting boundaries, even if it means charging your stepdad rent and making him do chores. Next thing you know, he'll be asking for permission to use the bathroom.
Commenter 2: "Your current income does not affect market rate of rent, it only makes you ineligible to qualify for it."
Commenter 3: NTA. I can't believe how things turned out! It's like setting boundaries just flips the script on family dynamics. I mean, who would've thought that making someone responsible for chores could actually lead to peace? It’s funny how a little structure and clear rules change everything so quickly. Maybe it's the idea of having some space or being reminded of daily tasks that makes all the difference. It really shows how important communication is – once everyone knows where they stand, things can settle down in unexpected ways
Commenter 4: I’d have to imagine stepdad isn’t the happiest. He was living rent free before. Now, he’s paying a massive chunk of his paycheck in rent to you. And he’s doing what seems like every chore in the house which I’d have to imagine is exhausting. And he gets a curfew as if all that didn’t stress him out enough. Like, imagine being in your 50s with a curfew, ouch lmao.
But ultimately he did this to himself. Until he gets a better job, you have full power over whether there’s a roof over his h...
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ja3jm3/aita_for_putting_my_foot_down_and_charging_rent/