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AITA For Wanting To Break Up With My GF Because I Was A Dare-Date? (old.reddit.com)
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-03-23 04:00:11+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowawayAcc985858

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITA For Wanting To Break Up With My GF Because I Was A Dare-Date?

Original Post: March 12, 2025

Never thought I'd have to use this old account, but I'm really stuck and need some advice before I potentially nuke what has been so far, a good eight month relationship.

So for a quick background. My GF (24F) and I (27M) have been dating for around eight months now. I first met her at a funeral of all places. I wasn't close to the deceased (They were a friend's uncle, I was just along to keep him company).

In any case I wasn't particularly sad-looking. I was talking with a family friend and smiling, which she noticed and made a pretty morbid joke asking if I put him in the casket.

It was so blunt I just sort-of snort/laughed and we got to chatting all afternoon, ending up with her number in my phone by the end of it.

She was funny, witty, pretty and a genuinely fun girl to be around. So of course I took a chance and asked her out, which she accepted rather eagerly. My ego was through the roof at that, little did I know...

I came home a little earlier from work last night (I was covering a shift and the bloke I was covering came in anyway, so they didn't need me for eight hours.)

Anyway I came home earlier than planned and overheard my GF laughing with someone on her phone. I was about to surprise her with a little jump-scare when she said and I quote "I never meant for this whole thing with BF to last so long. I'd never normally date someone like him."

She spotted me shortly after saying that, I admit, I made a noise I can't even begin to explain and she heard me. I'd never seen someone go that pale before. She was all wide teary-eyes and quivering lips.

GF then spent the next hour or so confessing that she never planned to date me, but once her friends found out she'd given me her number, they found a pic of me online and apparently found me so hilariously unattractive that GF just HAD to fake-date me for a week to give me 'hope'.

I wish I was joking. Her friends and apparently GF are all still stuck in their mean-girl high school phase.

GF agreed but I guess apparently 'forgot?' about it because we've been dating for eight months, not one week. She told me that she was stupid for agreeing with it and that I was a really good bloke, and that she really did love me but she never expected to actually feel that way about me.

Why? Because I'm not her 'usual type of guy'. When I asked her to elaborate, she mumbled that she didn't initially find me attractive at all, but after dating for a few weeks she stopped caring about my looks.

I admit I sort of lost my temper here and called her an immature waste of my time. I told her I wished she'd just dumped me a week into dating because to find all this shit out eight months in, when I cared about her, LOVED her was fucking foul!

I'm staying with my mom at the moment because I need space to think and vent. Would I be T/A if I dumped GF for this?

EDIT : Wow, okay. Did not expect this much feedback, blimey!

So I've turned my phone back on and it's a mess of texts, voicemails and missed calls. I've only listened to a couple but she's absolutely sobbing her heart out and pleading for me to come home so she can explain.

Nothing from her friends mind you, just her. Says it all really.

No idea what to do, but now I feel like rubbish.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Is she still friends with all those mean girls.

OOP: Given that she was chatting to one of them yesterday, yeah I think so.

Commenter 2: NTA. even if you didnt care about the "joke" part of it, she didnt go out with you because she wanted to, but was pushed by her friends. and then what? did she give a play by play after your first date to said friends? did she share your intimate moments with the friends? was your first kiss also a joke? was she hesitate to kiss you cause of the joke? did she even want to kiss you?

its thoughts like that would drive me nuts cause at what point did her joke turn into real affection? or was she cringing and flinching for those first few dates? how can you be with someone who thought you were "gross" for... how long? weeks? days? NTA

OOP: That's the same shit on my mind. I mean she didn't act strange or hesitant when we started dating. She was funny and cute and demanded we hold hands on our second date.

But was it all a funny story to tell her friends? Was she laughing at how 'pathetically happy' I was dating someone out of my league?

I dunno. It's driving me insane thinking about it. I've already chucked up, I just feel sick and tired and used.

Would OOP be able to forgive and move forward?

OOP: I honestly don't know. I love her, she loves me (apparently). But I was a dare-date to her. Something funny to give 'hope' and then dump once she got her jollies.

That she gave up that plan is nice I guess. But I still feel ugly and laughed-at.

I really don't know. I have no idea if she even cares, I haven't even looked at my phone, it's been turned off since last night.

I'm struggling with the fact that my funny, loving very kind girlfriend is apparently a lying, using, mean-girl who only dated me to break my heart.

Sure she didn't. But she never told me about it. I found out by accident.

Was she laughing about it with her friends for months? I have no idea, but the thought makes me ill. I've already chucked up stressing over it.

Downvoted Commenter: Really? You want to leave her, because she loves you for you? I'm pretty sure there's romantic movies with this set-up: it started as a dare, but then he/she fell in love with the person. Does it really matter, that it was a dare? She loves you for you, your personality. That's amazing! You probably already know if she is prettier than you, and how her former boyfriends look like, so the only surprise, is that it wasn't love at first sight. What a strike of luck, that her friends dared her to date you. If they hadn't, maybe she wouldn't have found out what an amazing person you are.

OOP: It's really got nada to do with how unattractive she finds me.

It's more the fact that for eight months she never told me the truth. That she's still friends with those girls. That I have no idea, but can guess given that I heard her laughing about it, that she still laughs with her friends about me.

I feel used and ugly and small.

Does OOP and GF live together? Is she with him for money?

OOP: We have a house-share yeah. There's one more roommate but he works nights so we rarely see him.

I work in Asda so that's a big no to making big money. I just stay careful with savings. We both live in a house-share. It's not too expensive.

Sure I spoiled her sometimes when I could. But most of the time she got annoyed with me for it. She was happy with a movie, cheap food and wine.

So no, I don't think she was with me for money.

 

Update #1: March 14, 2025 (two days later)

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented. The good, the bad and the downright bizarre.

Original Post

Now onto the update.

So I eventually turned my phone back on after making the original post and was bombarded with voicemails and texts and whatnot. I only listened to a couple and GF was sobbing her heart out on all of them, more or less begging me to come home and let her explain.

To be fair I didn't really have much choice but to eventually go back home anyway, it's a house-share and I pay rent to live there. Plus my own mom was basically nudging me back out to "Let GF explain herself."

So I went back home the next day and she pretty much tore out of her room and threw herself at me. She was sobbing and trying to talk but kept crying too hard between her words to sound coherent.

I know I should've probably been angrier but I hate seeing her cry. And she wasn't just crying, she was sobbing so hard she was having trouble breathing at a few points.

Eventually I got her to sit down and asked her to explain exactly why I should stay with a woman who not only got with me as a dare but also still laughed about it with her vapid friends eight months on.

A lot was said and to summarize it so this update doesn't take all night, she more of less said this.

Fake names for her friends and I'm likely paraphrasing but I've spent about forty minutes trying to remember it exactly, so this is the gist of it -

GF - "I didn't mean to ask you out on a dare, I wanted to date you before they even knew about you. I gave you my number first remember? When Stacy and Tina found out I gave you my number, they looked you up on Facebook and found it hilarious that you were even trying with me. So they got this stupid fucking dare thing and told me to do it to give 'all uglies in the world hope'."

**Me - "Wow, real mature. You do remember what y...

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

GF - "I didn't mean to ask you out on a dare, I wanted to date you before they even knew about you. I gave you my number first remember? When Stacy and Tina found out I gave you my number, they looked you up on Facebook and found it hilarious that you were even trying with me. So they got this stupid fucking dare thing and told me to do it to give 'all uglies in the world hope'."

Me - "Wow, real mature. You do remember what you said on the phone to whoever it was, right? That you never meant for us to last this long? You told me I wasn't your type? What's your type GF? Not me right? Too ugly for you."

GF - "Stop saying that! You're not ugly. You're just not the type of bloke I'd have picked to date long term. But I was wrong babe. Look at us, we've lasted nearly nine months! I love you so much, I really do! How can I prove it to you? How?"

Me - "I don't know GF. I love you too. But all I can think about is you laughing about me behind my back to them. How can I trust you anymore?"

GF - "I wasn't meaningfully laughing at you! I swear I wasn't. I just don't know how to handle Tina any other way. She's always been like this. And I just go along with it to keep the peace."

Me - "So you'd rather keep the peace then stand up for me? Is that what you're saying?"

GF - "You're twisting my words babe."

Me - "No I'm not. God, why should I stay with you GF? Seriously, give me a reason? You laugh behind my back. You dated me on a dare given to you by Tina and Stacy, right? And you're still friends with them? You chose them and their cruelty over us and what we have?"

GF - "We've been friends for years though!"

Me - "I fucking give up."

At this point it was just a back and forth of me trying to walk away and her professing her love and defending her friendship with the wonder twins while trying to make me sit back down.

I don't know guys. I'm back home, she's constantly trying to have another talk. I'm tired. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say.

Advice would be wonderful, because I'm very tempted to just pack it in.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: I’d have too much pride to stay…. Be second guessing everything all the time. How exhausting:

Commenter 2: From what I have read, GF failed to resolve the situation. She continues to defend her friends, dismissing their behavior by saying, "it's just the way they are." She remains close with these friends, laughs with them at OP's expense, joins in their jokes about him, and allows them to disrespect him without taking any action. Despite all this, she chooses to maintain her friendship with them. To me, this feels like siding with her friends over her boyfriend. Where has she stood up for him? Where has she defended him? Where has she expressed disagreement with the jokes and the disrespectful comments aimed at him? I just don't see it!

Commenter 3: Okay, this update just confirms she’s not taking responsibility. She’s trying to gaslight you with ‘twisting my words’ and ‘I love you.’ But her actions speak louder. She chose those ‘friends’ over you, and she’s still trying to justify it. ‘Keeping the peace’ is just a cop-out for not having a backbone. You deserve someone who will stand up for you, not laugh at you behind your back. And her ‘I didn’t mean to’ act? Please. She knew what she was doing. Don’t let her tears and ‘love’ declarations manipulate you. She’s shown you who she is. Believe her. Pack your stuff and go. You’ll find someone who respects you.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Update #2: March 16, 2025 (two days later)

This should be the final update, you'll see why.

Original Post

Update 1

So here it is.

I'll be brief with this because frankly I'm done with it all.

I tried one last time to get any sort of sense from GF. I sat GF down and told her that I'm hurt and beyond disappointed that she didn't have the spine to stand up to her friends. That she'd rather 'Keep the peace' over defending the man she repeatedly claims to love.

GF got angry and told me I was putting her in a position she couldn't possibly 'win'.

If she had a go at her friends, she'd lose them but keep me. But if she refused, she'd keep them but likely lose me. She told me she genuinely didn't know what the fuck to do.

I said that as long as she's enabling Tina and Stacy's crappy personalities, she'll never stop being their doormat.

She just went quiet at that point, said it was only Tina and then just kinda shrugged.

So I told her that the fact she was even struggling to make a choice between them and defending our relationship was enough of an answer for me. I told her that while I'm not the most attractive bloke, her and her friends were far uglier than I could ever be and I deserved better.

So I broke up with her. It was messy, she got physical. Not violent, just grabbing onto me really tight and trying to kiss me while offering sex. She was still full on ugly-crying too.

It was crazy, I've seen her cry and get mad, but I've never seen her like THAT before. It genuinely disturbed me.

I left and I'm back at my mom's for a bit. Now I know I'm not a kid anymore, I'm 27. But my mom and I have always had a really good relationship so I told her everything. She listened and didn't interrupt until I was finished. And then she pretty much said what a lot of you told me.

She told me I'm handsome (Mom's always say that though)

She told me that GF is a silly girl who'll never have any kind of meaningful relationship as long as she lets her friends bully her around.

And then she told me that I'm young and I'll find someone who'll love me so much that she'll fight tooth and nail to defend me.

I won't lie. I cried a bit. It felt good to feel worth something for once. I didn't really realize how little I felt that way with GF until that conversation with mom.

She even made me apple crumble (my comfort food).

My younger brother (20M) still lives with her too, he's been kicking my ass at chess. Bloke's a wizard, I swear.

Mom and I had a long chat about my living arrangements and have decided that I'm going to move back in with her in a couple of months. I've spoken to the agency and unfortunately they won't let me end the contract early without a pay-out for the remaining months. So I'm just gonna stick around til then and then go.

It's gonna be awkward since we have to live in the same house-share for a bit longer, but I'll manage.

I know some of you really wanted me to work it out with her, but frankly I have too much self-respect to stay with someone who doesn't care enough to defend me from her friends. Not to mention whatever the hell she was trying to do before I dipped out. It seriously freaked me out.

Thanks Reddit. You all helped me make a choice between staying and sacrificing my self-respect to be with a woman who doesn't truly love me as much as she claimed, or leaving her in the hopes that I'd find someone better one day.

I hope I chose right, but I guess only time will tell.

Thank you all!

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Still NTA - You made the right choice OP.

Listen to your mother. She's the only woman in this whole mess that has any sort of sense in her head. As for you crying about it all, good. Cry, you apparently needed it.

I wouldn't even wait until you've paid it all off OP. Get your things and go stay with your mother. No telling what your ex will do. You've got two months left right? Nah fam, get outta there.

Commenter 2: Good for you!! I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. Please have someone with you when you go gather your things and record if needed to help protect yourself. She’s unhinged and will likely lash out. Stay safe.

Commenter 3: So sorry, man, but seriously, pay out the lease/contract. Absolutely nothing good will come from living with your ex. She'll either keep trying to force you to reconsider or switch over after her toxic friends get into her head and start treating you like crap. Neither of those are worth staying for, and the cost to get out of it will be so worth it.

Best of luck going forward.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I dk sounds kind of dumb to leave because of how it started. People grow up. He should have focused on building a foundation now if there was ever going to be a future. If he couldn't do that he made the right move leaving I guess.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't really think he's leaving because of how it started. He's leaving because she let's her friends make fun of him and does nothing to defend him or their relationship.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

You are right on why he is leaving but maybe im not interpreting the jokes and laughter same as him. Maybe they think the whole thing is funny like a Romcom. If they are making fun of his gf like "why are you still dating that loser" then that's a different story.