Trigger Warnings: infidelity, theft, spousal and child abandonment, emotional abuse and manipulation, body shaming, mentions of rape, mental health issues

Original Post: March 8, 2025

I am a 26F and am very happily married with my husband who is 30M. My sister (34F) is married to a man who cheated on her, took her gold jewellery, and left her at 8 months pregnant, and left their 4 year old.

From the start of mine and my sisters relationship, we've have had problems, we have NEVER been close. We always argued, over the smallest of things. But ever since I have been married, it's just got worse, in my opinion.

To cut a long story short, my sister and I didn't speak for almost 2 years and during these 2 years, I got engaged, married and now live 3 hours away, with my in laws, away from my side of the family.

I was told not asked, that I needed to help my older sister with the baby and her 4 year old for a week, whilst my father is away on holiday. (My father lives close to my older sister and helps her with the kids normally). I agreed, since I have been out of work and my husband was also willing to accompany me, as he was able to take a few days off to help and work the rest of the days from home. We have had a nice week so far, (me and my husband would get up early in the morning to help with the kids and stay at my sisters house until around 6pm each evening, which then we would leave to go back to my Dad's house, as the kids would go to bed). We have done countless favours for her during this past week, from my husband mowing her grass, to picking up the 4 year old from school, etc.

Every single day this week, my older sister has mentioned (as she always does when I come to visit) about my weight. (She had also put on weight since I saw her last, I've seen her eating habits and she eats for 2 people, she's obese herself). When I leave to return to my in laws I always come away from my side of the family feeling absolutely shite and upset about myself.

I am no skinny girl, far from it, I have struggled with my weight for years. I hate the person I see when I look at myself in the mirror. But yesterday, my sister was aggressively pushing me for an answer and we ended up falling out.

We started off by watching a TV programme which I commented on how someone in the show had lost so much weight. She asked me why I didn't want to lose weight and why I'm so lazy and that I'm not doing anything about it.

(I wanted advice off my sister about kids etc so I asked her suttle questions this past week and on previous occasions, for example on how she tracked her cycle etc and even told her I had suffered a miscarriage 2 weeks ago to which she just offered a few words 'I'm sorry to hear that').

But me and my sister are sitting watching Tv and she starts to talk to me about losing weight and looking good. She then insults me by calling me ugly, says I struggle to get off the sofa and tells me that I'm lazy. I fall silent because my heart was beginning to race, I could feel a panic attack coming on, so rather antagonise I stayed silent (I don't like to talk back because I've been told by my dad not to say anything to her because we always argued, and that she is going through something right now, and it was not a comfortable conversation to have with someone I'm not close with).

Anyway, she continued to ask why I was being so selfish to my future children and selfish as to my future babies wouldn't be healthy. She then continued and asked why I'm angry, and I said to her calmly 'I don't think you know when I'm angry'. She said 'I do because you go quiet'. I told her idk what she wanted me to say. She said im lazy and could have gone for walks while i was here or could have done something else. She said I don't do anything about my weight. I have made changes this year big changes which I know myself and my husband supports me too, and tbh because I don't want to speak to my family about my problems (they dont ask me anyway), I don't feel comfortable speaking to them about things, so why would I share anything with them? I said to her, I've been making changes, and that if we continue this conversation, we will argue, (it was clear by her tone that it was headed that way), she laughed and said im not arguing im having a conversation (but this was not a conversation that i wanted to engage with so I stayed silent).

I told her this isnt a conversation im comfortable with having with her. She said sometimes you have to be uncomfortable to have these conversations. She then lied and said, that our Dad has asked her to speak to me about my weight. Which is a lie because my dad knows that we argue over the smallest things. My panic attack was brewing. I could feel it. But when I mentioned I have been changing my ways, she laughed. (Her voice is getting louder and it's like she's shouting at me, bearing in mind she's holding her 6month old in her arms who is asleep.) I said to her 'because you live with me, you know what I'm doing right?' She said 'I've seen you sat here on the sofa all week'. I then said: 'I've been sat here to help you out, I've made myself available for you this week, I'm here for you and the kids.' She got super angry and said: ' I will never ask you for help again, i knew this was coming from you, I knew you would throw it in my face, I knew it. Even if I am struggling, I will never ask you again.'

She continued, 'you've said so much shit to me that i thought you know what, I'll forgive them because they love my kids.' I immediately apologised and said to her she took that the wrong way, I did not say it to her like I was throwing it in her face. But she didn't want to hear it, she was shouting over me the same things she said before. I also told her she's said enough to me over the years and that she always starts off an argument over the same subject... my weight. (Even last time we fell out, we argued over the same thing.) She asked me 'what have I said to you?'. (When we stopped playing over the course of the 2 years, my sister told me that 'i probably asked to get raped'. My ex raped me, cut a long story short.) I told her, she said this and she laughed and said 'you never got raped, you're a bullshitter.' I was shocked, I sat there, stunned.

All this time I was scrolling through pictures on my phone and I put my phone down and stopped everything. I was just in pure shock. I said to her, i don't want to continue this conversation because I'm having a panic attack. She then chuckled and said 'omg here we go again'. I walked out the room and my husband was in a meeting in another room but upstairs. I went to my husband and told him we were leaving. He immediately hugged me and saw I was having a panic attack.

My husband trying to comfort me, hugging me to calm me down. My sister comes to to the room while I'm still having my panic attack, and starts shouting at my husband, 'I'm her older sister i can say what I want to her'. My husband shut the door in my sisters face as he's trying to calm me down, my sister slams it back open and shouts at him 'no one disrespects me in my house'. My husband then tells her, 'im trying to calm her down, please leave.' Sister: 'this is my house, I can do what I want'.

To be honest at this point my husband and my sister seem to be having an argument, I'm in a panicked state, I can't seem to concentrate on anything, all I'm doing is crying and panicking trying to control myself. All I can hear is my sister then starting on my husband saying 'she's always done this, she's a bullshitter. You can't be so soft with her, (speaking to my husband) she needs to be told.' (BTW my husband is softly spoken and gentle, he raised his voice slightly as she was going ballistic).

All I remember is I needed to be sick, so I run to the toilet and start being sick. My husband comes after me and I'm violently shaking whilst vomiting. My sister says to my husband 'just because you and your brother aren't close' my husband got angry and asked her 'why are you bringing my brother into this?' She said she's using it as an example (my husbands brother has absolutely nothing to do with this conversation). She proceeds anyway, saying 'my kids have been through enough emotionally, (she's screaming down her house at this point), stop doing this to them!'. (She is referring to the arguments and her taking the decision to keep her kids away from us). She screams 'i ain't no dickhead'.

I calm down after I've been vomiting, this ordeal which included my husband, lasted hours in my head but was around 15-20 mins or so. My husband tells me we're leaving.

I wait downstairs whilst my husband gets my bag from the roomwhere she and her baby are. Informs her that we are leaving and that we are still here if she needs anything but for now itd best we leave.' She then storms towards me and says 'no that...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1jme2q8/aita_for_telling_my_older_sister_that_no_wonder/

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[–] Dalvoron@lemm.ee 4 points 5 days ago

Don't bother reading the rest of the story folks. It's more paragraphs of mostly nothing happening. Dad ends up surprisingly supportive, mostly cares about grandkids and filling his empty nest.