Interplay between Jewish subcultures has long been of interest to me; contact between related yet separate subcultures can be a source of both joy and frustration. This contact is especially visible in intermarriages, of which Marc D. Angel provides some fascinating examples:
I am Sephardic and my wife is Ashkenazic. […] Gilda told me that she did not realize that I was really Sephardic until I chanted kiddush the first Friday night after our marriage. She was not used to the Sephardic melody. And I wasn’t sure that she was really Ashkenazic until she served gefilte fish, which she enjoys so much— and which was new for me.
All marriages require accommodation, compromise, openness, and a good sense of humor. Having these ingredients, all in a spirit of love, intramarriage turns out to be a wonderful experience. Gilda has become a marvelous Sephardic cook, and I sing Ashkenazic Shabbat zemirot (hymns) with pleasure. In our Passover seder last year, we sang parts in Judeo‐Spanish and some in Yiddish.
[…]
There are, of course, issues which have strong emotional overtones which lead to conflict in a Sephardic–Ashkenazic marriage. For example, many Sephardim have the custom of naming children after living grandparents. Many Ashkenazim are troubled by the idea of naming children after living people, preferring to name them after deceased relatives.
I made a study of American Sephardim of Judeo‐Spanish origin (published in the American Jewish Year Book of 1973) in which I learned that almost 80% of respondents who were married to Ashkenazim succeeded in convincing their Ashkenazic spouses to go along with the Sephardic custom of naming children after the living. This is sometimes accomplished by means of a compromise: the child is given the Hebrew name of the living grandparent, while the English name will differ.
Sephardim and Ashkenazim have differences in customs, foods, holiday observances etc. Yet all of these factors can be handled by incorporating aspects of both the Sephardic and Ashkenazic traditions into married life. Often, the most serious problems in these marriages stem from in‐laws, rather than from the marriage partners themselves.