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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-05 04:02:01+00:00.
my boss hasn’t talked to me since his drunken striptease
Originally posted to Ask A Manager
TRIGGER WARNING: sexual harassment, retaliation, power imbalance in relationships, infidelity, lying about marital status
MOOD SPOILER: jaw-dropping; OOP lies to cover for her boss in the OG letter
Original Post Nov 8, 2023
What to do with a (probably) embarrassed boss?
I (40s F), my boss (50s M), and a fellow coworker (60s F) all happen to share a hobby. In August, I made the mistake of going on a weekend trip with them. The outing was justified by claiming we could save money if we split the cost of lodging. We rented a one-bedroom condo with two lofts. The lofts faced each other across the living room. I had one loft; my boss had the other.
Friday night was fine, but Saturday he got drunk. After we all went to bed, he stood in his loft and asked if I wanted to sing while he did a striptease. I did not and told him so. I would have turned the lights off, so as not to see anything, but the control for the overheads was in his loft.
Anyway, he proceeded to take off his clothes. I rolled over and faced the wall once his shirt came off. I heard his belt buckle hit the floor not long after. I have no idea if he stopped there or if the performance ended with full-frontal nudity.
Before this happened, our relationship was great. We’ve worked together for years and have been very close. We each “had a bad pandemic” and lost people. We have cried on each other’s shoulders via phone several times.
But ever since this incident, he has completely ignored me at work. He won’t take or return calls and doesn’t respond to emails. At present, I can go a couple weeks without seeing or hearing from him at all. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve begun contacting other same-level supervisors when I have issues that need to be resolved. Usually, I send the request to him first (via email, text, or phone) then send one follow-up three days later. If I’ve gotten no response 48 hours after follow-up, I contact another supervisor.
I’ve kept all my messages friendly and upbeat because I’m pretty sure he’s just embarrassed and realizes he made a huge mistake.
The other person we were with doesn’t know and I have no plans of telling her or HR. I’ve got boys and have held leadership roles in the scouting program for over 12 years, so trust me, I’ve seen men do a lot of stupid things. Camping, beer, and stupidity are the holy trinity of male outings. This is just par for the course. The only difference is, I don’t have to work with them. I do know he’s been going through a very difficult time personally.
Anyway, I’m pretty sure he’s embarrassed. Possibly even terrified that I’ll go to HR because this has the possibility to become a career-ending debacle. I won’t do that for one bad decision, which he obviously regrets. However, this is affecting my performance at work, so something has got to change.
How do I resolve this issue? I can’t just send an email, voicemail, or text because “there is no right to privacy” on company machines. I have his personal cell number, but figured that if he’s ignoring me at work, he probably won’t answer that, either. And I can’t just walk into his office because we work remotely.
Update June 16, 2025
The commentator who stated, “In vino veritas,” hit the mark.
Days after my question appeared online, I sat, scrolling through comments, crying into my wine. I intended to phone a friend. Instead, I drunk dialed my boss — on his work phone.
Will answered. Immediately recognizing that I was drunk, he said, “Hang on. I’ll call you right back on my personal phone.”
In the call that followed, he confessed to having a crush on me since his very first day as my supervisor. And he admitted that he wanted me to join him for a sexual liaison in the loft. I admitted that as much as I liked him, I didn’t like being pursued by someone who was married.
You read right — married. In my initial letter, I lied to protect him. The first lie was saying he was divorced. The second lie was claiming the tip happened in August. Really, it occurred in September.
Rather than agree to keeping everything professional and above board from then on, Will insisted that he and his wife had separated. Then he convinced me to engage in phone sex. After that he pursued me relentlessly. And I’ll admit, I liked the attention.
After swearing his divorce was final, Will planned a work-trip rendezvous for us in April 2024. Once he got what he wanted, he no longer had any use for me and did exactly what you said he’d do — lay the groundwork to fire me.
Will got a new supervisor in June 2024. She took an immediate dislike to me, often requiring me to work during approved leave, work 7 days per week, shorting my pay, etc. This culminated in me being required to work 27 consecutive days in January. At first, I thought he was going along with it because he was afraid that if I spoke up, he’d lose his job. That’d simply make him a coward, rather than malicious. Later, I learned I was wrong.
Other supervisors began talking. Before me, there was an employee who got involved with Will and ended up being transferred. I watched as Will started grooming another employee after he lost interest in me. Aside from the three of us, Will admitted to having an affair with another woman. And wouldn’t you know it — he and his wife are still together. Yeah, cheaters gonna cheat.
The constant stress resulted in a mental breakdown. I reported the hostile work environment to HR and the EEOC, then spent 3 months on FMLA. That ended up protecting my job long enough for the government to start offering voluntary separation incentive programs. I left my job with $25,000 in cash.
I am still emotionally broken and working through the betrayal trauma I suffered at Will’s hands. I have no idea what the future will hold. My EEOC complaint was accepted and is moving forward, so I hope there will be justice in the end.
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