108beads

For those who hit the paywall— https://www.zdnet.com/article/googles-new-settings-let-you-remove-your-private-info-from-search-results-heres-how/

I don't have all the answers, but want to say I am so sorry for what your going through.

On the kitten: you're right, I think— the kitten needs more social interaction. Any piece of string, perhaps with a bit of cloth tied to the end, can be dangled while you are sitting on the couch. You might consider a mani-pedi, nipping the sharp tips of those claws, to keep damage under control. Ex might reasinably be asked to invest in a few toys, including chew toys. You might search for "Jackson Galaxy" on YouTube for helpful videos.

It shouldn't be your responsibility, but it sounds like you've tried getting Ex to take responsibility. Sadly, like the kitten's tenancy seems tied to your own. That sounds like manipulation.

Your physical health and long-term possibilities are, of course, adding to your stress. It sounds very overwhelming right now, with so many changes in your life. Would Ex consider paying for housekeeping help—at least to get the pizza boxes and dirty dishes sorted out? I don't know about your country's system for people with disabilities, but perhaps your social worker can help you figure out if any assistance in this area is available to you.

Thank you for the trigger warning about your desperation. As you know, I'm just an internet rando. I can't offer you all the helo you need, although I can assure you I care deeply. In the pinned resources at the top of this community's posts, there are some European resources if you haven't already seen them. Perhaps your social worker can add to them (and if you'd be willing to share anything you find useful, you can DM me so I can have them added to the list).

Please stay alive. So many things have changed so rapidly in your life recently. That's bound to feel like too much. Give yourself the time and grace for change.

There's a saying in the caregiving community, those of us keeping loved ones with dementia and various disabilities afloat, alive and (hopefully) thriving.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep your loved one warm.

Meaning, if you don't take care of yourself, you cannot help others. You could set yourself on fire, but the flames go out quickly, and then you're a crispy, crunchy mess—and both of you are far worse off than when you started.

Put your own oxygen mask on first, before trying to help others.

And… sometimes that means saying "no." Which is hard, but necessary.

I haven't gone through such an intake myself, but have watched loved ones' evaluations. One thing I suspect will happen is you'll be given questionnaires asking about whether you do/think certain things "always," "sometimes," "rarely," "never." (Or similar language.)

You might also list what you have been experiencing, and why you think the issues have increased in severity. Use this as a prompt for yourself when you are being evaluated and asked, in essence, "what brings you here?"

Obviously, this is not a time to either overstate what's going on, or to hold back on what you're feeling is "off." A good psychiatrist and mental health team will assuredly have the tools to get beyond the "normal" façade that makes it easier to function, but leaves you aware that it's something of a sham.

Best wishes to you.

Bummer! I think the walls you're running into are a problematic sign of our times, on the one hand. Like book banning in the name of "keeping our kids safe"—in which case, the Bible has been proposed for banning in a few places that have become over-zealous. On the other hand, while not everybody out there is illegit, there are plenty of scammers and misguided weirdos all too ready to twist and use legitimate need for help to fit their own unsavory or misguided agendas.

You've probably already thought of this, but I'll toss it out there anyway: are there IRL people you can turn to—teachers, school guidance or counselling resources, adult neighbors or friends' parents you trust, older cousins, or organizations like scouting, coaches, etc.? You may want to add to that list. And obviously, if your gut makes even the smallest whisper of '"this is sus, it doesn't feel right," then you owe nobody any excuses for backing away.

You might try this website: https://dontcallthepolice.com/. It lists resources in major cities. I checked several randomly, and all seem to have a "youth" section. When you click on "youth," you may see resources, or you may see "info coming soon."

At the top of that page, there is also a set of "national" listings. There are specific resources for abuse, trafficking, and so on. The most promising general resource seems to be https://teenlifeline.org/. I clicked through to that site, and it appears to have the equivalent of a warm-line staffed by other teens.

I'm first generation American on my mother's side. She came from Germany (from an area now culturally and geographically Polish). I mention that background because I want to be clear that my comparisons to Nazi Germany are not glib or superficial; they are grounded in my family, and my interest in how Hitler came to power.

Germans were hurting from punitive WWI damages. They were humilated, fragmented. They were experiencing inflation such that it cost a wheelbarrow of cash to purchase a loaf of bread. Following Hitler gave the ordinary, disenfranchised people a sense of pride, discipline, purpose. Part of that mental nation-building was identifying and castigating "the others." The Jews, yes, but also communists, people with disabilities, "Gypsies" (offensive term—Romani), homosexuals, anyone not actively "with the program," anyone who dared to raise an eyebrow in disagreement. Or those failing to give up their pot-roast Sunday dinner to a gang of brown-shirts who demanded entry into your farm home and took it in the name of The Cause. (True story.)

Americans (and the world as a whole) are experiencing scary, looming issues. Income inequality that continues to increase exponentially. Impending climate catastrophes. Failure to reckon with the legacies of slavery, First Nations colonization and extermination programs, Japanese internment, etc., and failure to reckon with boomerang echoes of that history. Social media monopolies that silo us off in echo chambers, content to ignore consequences as long as profits keep flowing. A global plague, the first of many, which everyone knew was coming, but was met with bungling lack of transparency.

I think we're ripe for fascism. People are retreating into tribal groups. We're defensive, trying to hang onto shreds of dignity by asserting membership in this or that group, and ignoring. If the tribe is deluded, we'll find a way to mentally sand off or ignore the rough parts, because it's become so important to find a place to belong, a place that makes sense. Even if it doesn't make sense. ("The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas," 1973 short story by Ursula K LeGuin. Can be found online.)

I don't have an answer. I'm scared too. I do try to read and listen broadly. I want to find out why people who see things differently think as they do. Recognize what we hold in common—base assumptions. Asking "why do you mention/think that?"

I too need alone-time and space. And I look for folks who can understand my perspectives—just as important to have support as it is to hear out those who disagree. Balance.

You've made a small but significant change. I salute your incredible courage in taking that step. Also, someone IRL believes you are worth helping. That is wonderful validation, worth far more than internet stangers, as much as we are rooting for you.

I'm so glad it's a useful (if small) key to your questions.

That you are able to frame your concerns, as large and looming as they are, so eloquently, speaks well for your ability to tackle the concerns. Sometimes, it's a matter of taking what resources you've got and setting them up in a different order. "To a hammer, everything looks like a nail." A therapist can help you rummage around in the toolbox deeper. (I know—me and my metaphors.)

Also, as others may be able to attest from first-hand knowledge, you may need to shop bit for the right fit in a therapist and an approach. Try one approach, and ask your therapist for feedback on your sense of whether the approach is your most effective one for you. A good therapist will not be insulted if, after a decent effort, you ask for a referral to someone else.

Retired college professor here. I can't address everything you've written, although my heart goes out to you.

I did want to point out that you say you've worked with college mental health counsellors and found little help.

Please know that college counsellors are not set up to address long-term, deep issues. They are very effective working with exam anxiety, roommate spats, grief and coming-of-age emotions. However, as powerful as many of these may feel to the people experiencing them, they are often fairly short-term issues when addressed well and quickly.

In other words, I'm suggesting that you see your experiences with college counsellors as being like a visit to a corner convenience store. You can get a soda, chips, maybe a hot dog. A good place for such items fast, a good stop-gap for you.

But for more substantial fare that will last you a while and keep you healthy, you'll want to visit a large supermarket with more options. A long-term therapy commitment is designed for ongoing health and nourishment, and can offer you deeper resources.

Just about 10 years on Reddit. My visits to Reddit dropped by 99.9%; still do a few check-ins with support communities I've used. Here on Lemmy, actively contributing and minor role as mod in a couple of communities. Building a new home in the stars.

I know this is an odd answer, and may not be for everyone. I got the prescription filled, and held the dose in my hand and asked it: "will you hurt me?" And worked with that in meditation. It said it was okay to take. These days, I'm more inclined to research the heck out of it online before starting any drug, any reason. (And: I would never do this with a rando drug which came from who-knows-where.)

If you don't like how you feel, after giving it a fair shake (several weeks, whether you want to see the change as blood plasma concentrations or rearrangement of neural pathways), you can stop. You're not committing to it forever and ever; the effects will wear off once you stop taking it.

If you do want to stop, be sure to contact the prescribing doctor—or if the doc is unavailable, at the very least a pharmacist. Some drugs for depression need a gradual tapering-off schedule to avoid nasty effects of going cold turkey.