108beads

Sigh. I hear this very deeply. I’m pushing 70; both parents died a few years back.

First, as you likely know, you’ve opened the door, but it’s up to her to walk through it. It may take more time leaving the door open; it may never happen. “It’s not you, it’s her.”

You mention sexual abuse in her past. I’ve lived with that with my current partner for many years. It’s always been a 600-lb gorilla nobody wants to talk about, because what is there to say? I know it can distort relationships in odd ways.

My mother and I also had teen angst issues. And she had other forms of trauma in her youth which informed our issues as mother & daughter. After years very low contact, she broached the issue when I was in my 50s, and she was mid-80s. But she did so in a place or at a time where honest, open discussion was impossible—in a very public venue, or at a time when we needed to leave for another obligation. So she both wanted to get it off her chest, and really didn’t want a discussion she couldn’t control completely.

By that point, I realized she’d done her best as a mother, and it wouldn’t benefit either of us to have her Go to Glory feeling like she’d screwed me up. She had—but there was no way to fix or repair the damage, nothing to be gained by rehashing shoulda, coulda, woulda. And she had done the best with the resources she had. So I said “okay.” And let it go.

Before you go to bed, write. Get out what you think you've done "wrong," how you might catch and correct issues before they feel big and overwhelming, or how it makes you feel that you're unsatisfied.

This will help you get the clutter out of your head as you organize your thoughts into language, and help you keep from having it play on an endless loop as you try to sleep.

If you're amenable, ask your dreams to offer you new perspectives, solutions, or even just a cathartic replay of what happened or didn't.

Next morning, or even a few days later, revisit what you wrote, and do more journaling on the issues and feelings.

If ya can't laugh AT me, please laugh WITH me!

One door has closed. That is sad, and can be scary. May another door (or doors, plural) open for you to far better and brighter things.

It's definitely not "normal," certainly not healthy. As to what—could be symptoms of many different possible underlying causes.

Language, other than one's native tongue.

No need for apology! In fact, it seems gut microbiome may be related to a number of brain or mental health issues. I'm especially interested in Alzheimer's—there's some evidence of a relationship, although exactly what seems very fuzzy and (as yet) ill-defined. I know that when I'm having digestive issues, I am definitely out if left field.

It was a rather discordant experience reading this article after reading OP's other post on LGBTQ+ people and depression. (No shade on OP; both articles provide useful insights, and are worth a read. Thank you!)

The representations of "boys" and "girls" in this article are configured as strongly gender-conforming, cis and hetero in terms of their "typical" responses. That's not a bad thing, but it is very limited.

People who are non-binary, transgender, or even gay/lesbian with some gender non-conforming personality components are likely to present with differing constellations of presenting symptoms, and thus to be overlooked.

Mobile phones as phones—yes, maybe that's easy. But that we don't actually use them to TALK to people would be weird.

Grew up in the 50s and 60s. Had a pediatrician who chain-smoked, and had ashtrays all over her office literally overflowing with butts.

That we've been to the moon and back, and that they can casually toss into their pockets a device with enough "thinking" power to do the necessary math for the task and then some.

And that we still can't make nylon stockings that don't "run," but that nobody cares because we don't wear them anymore.

That, and transgender is normal.

Came here to say "sewing." And a little beyond buttons and tears—hems, darning a sock, simple alterations. And sewing a few simple garments will not only net you those clothes, but an understanding of how garments should be constructed, so you can look at ready-made clothes and tell if they're likely to be durable, or fall apart the first time you wash them.