OceanSoap

joined 2 years ago
sorted by: new top controversial old
*Permanently Deleted* in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

Idk, it sounded pleasant.

In an effort to be more positive amidst all the negativity and bad stuff going on right now, what are you looking forward to? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Just learned from my neighbor that the back door of the house I just bought floods during summer monsoons, so I'm going to spend the next few weekends digging a trench out to the street to give any future downpours a path away from my back door.

In an effort to be more positive amidst all the negativity and bad stuff going on right now, what are you looking forward to? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Nice! You planning to celebrate?

People outside the US, do you still consider America a democracy? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I didn't confuse anything, this isn't a pol sci class, so I don't care what is or is not considered a pol sci term. Yes, they are mixed and some are subtypes of others

People outside the US, do you still consider America a democracy? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

Democracy is an umbrella term. These are the types of democracy the US is:

  1. Representative Democracy

  2. Constitutional Democracy

  3. Presidential Democracy

  4. Liberal Democracy

Types of Democracy the US is not:

  1. Direct Democracy

  2. Parliamentary Democracy

  3. Illiberal Democracy

  4. Participatory Democracy

  5. Social Democracy

So yes, it's a democracy.

People outside the US, do you still consider America a democracy? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 2 points 3 days ago

The Americas is what you mean, vs America, which implies the US. If you want to include Canada and Mexico, you say "North America". It's not difficult.

I've been all over the world, and no one has ever been confused when I say I'm from America. This push to make it seem like it's confusing is ridiculous.

Did your parents choose each other or were they in an arranged marriage? + Are they good people, in your opinion? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 2 points 3 days ago

My parents chose each other. Are they good people? Sure. But they had a ton of problems and split when I was in high school.

My grandmother, my dad's mom, she was a terrible person. Very difficult to be around. I'm sure that's why my dad has the issues he does. He ended up abandoning our family, and he's very... Well, he's passive-aggressive and will do almost anything to avoid conflict. Which doesn't sound terrible, but that means he avoids us when he thinks we'll confront him with anything. It was frustrating for a very long time but now I just accept that we'll never have a close relationship because of it.

He remarried about 10 years ago now. We get along okay except she's an alcoholic and has a really awful temper. After a specific incident in which she screamed at me over something very minor, I decided I was done trying to foster a relationship with her and now it's very at arms length. Oh well.

My mom, she and I are close but her issues are very much wrapped up in my brother, who also has issues. They're very co dependent, and my brother takes advantage of her. He sucks her dry of resources and refuses to do anything on his own. He's in his late 30's and it's still going on.

No, people who choose each other can be very toxic.

What are the most unhelpful pieces of advice? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 5 points 4 days ago

Well, no, there are clinical forms of depression, which are reoccurring forms, and then there's bouts of depression, which generally are caused by a specific event or change. Those types usually have fixes, but they're worse than "general sadness".

What are the most unhelpful pieces of advice? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 6 points 4 days ago

There's a major push coming to ban depression meds. I had long, drawn-out conversations with people who genuinely think exercise will fix things.

Yeah, for people without clinical depression, maybe.

What's your version of "I DON'T like it but I do like people who do like it"? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 3 points 4 days ago

Same, but with onions. I love ketchup.

What are you looking forward to in 2025? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Re filling my emergency fund after buying my house. It's mostly depleted now, so I'm working on getting it back up!

What have you viewed as the "least bad" among employers when looking for work? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 20 points 5 days ago

No micromanaging. My boss said: "I don't care how long you take for lunch, just put in your 40 hours and get your projects done on time."

Coming from previous jobs that I had to clock in/out of with strict lunch times, that was mind-blowing. Been working there 3 years now.

179
Lemmy, how do you deal with heartbreak? (lemmy.ml)
 

Finally found the man I thought I would marry, but the breakup came out of nowhere and I'm struggling to cope. What are the ways you've dealt with heartbreak in the past?

92
Hey Lemmy, whats the scariest thing youve seen an animal do? (lemmy.ml)
 

Any animal.

1
Mihon error, anyone else getting this? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by OceanSoap@lemmy.ml to c/manga@lemmy.ml
0 comments fedilink
 

Mihon was working for the first few weeks, but now every time I try and open a manga in the app it says "no pages found" I've been dl-ing the updates and even uninstalled and reinstalled, but the error persists. Any ideas?

387
My car defeated me today. (lemmy.ml)
 

The alternator on my car went kaput. Nowhere in my area would do the job for less than $800-something, and most places were quoting $900-$1k.

So I looked up how-tos on YouTube and it looked like something I, a woman with zero experience or knowledge of working on cars, could do.

I got a remanufactured alternator for $180 and got to work following the tutorials I'd found.

It certainly did not go smoothly, but I managed it. It took me 6 hours to get the alternator out, mainly because every goddamn bolt holding the parts in place were basically cemented in. I had to use my foot to stomp one loose because I didn't have the strength in my arms.

Today I spent another 4 hours trying to put in the new one and all the parts back in place. And I did it!!

Except for the power steering belt. That fucker would not go into place, and trying to force the belt tensioner back took every ounce of strength I could muster.

All that work. All that time and effort and THE VERY LAST STEP to get my car up and running defeated me today. I had to get a task rabbit guy. He's coming tomorrow to get my belt back on.

On one hand I feel proud that I made it this far. On the other I feel like a complete failure because it turns out I couldn't complete the task myself.

Anyway, how was your weekend?

1
In the future, out willingness to surgically remove sexual organs, including breasts, from transgender youth under 18 will be looked at the same way we now look back on labotomies. (lemmy.ml)
 

It's just wild that we remove sexual organs -which is irreversible- from those who aren't sexually mature yet, rather than relying on therapeutics that are reversible until they're of age. Especially since so many trans youth also suffer from other mental heath issues. Those issues at least should be looked into and treated prior to moving forward with organ removal.

73
Should I (38/f) tell my best friend (37/f) that her decision hurt my feelings? (lemmy.ml)
 

One of the good things about lemmy is that I'm positive my friend won't find this post.

Hey lemmy. My best friend and I have been close since we met back in high school, circa 2002. We lived a few blocks away from each other, kept in touch across the country during college, and even lived together for a few years after college. We've traveled overseas together, been through many break ups together. She was a solid rock for me when my fiance and I had a traumatic split 4 years ago.

She got married legally two years ago, and their wedding is finally happening this upcoming spring. I've been so excited along with her. We've talked our whole friendship about being there for all the fun stuff for our weddings, and I've been doing all the maid-of-honor stuff since she asked me to be hers.

She was initially depressed about dress shopping since she assumed no one would be able to go, including her mother, who has really bad travel/directional anxiety. We're all in different states.

I asked her why she would even think that I wouldn't fly out to go dress shopping with her, since we've been talking about it for ages, and I love clothing shopping! She said she thought I'd be too strapped for cash, but I'd been saving up for her wedding stuff, so it's not an issue. We set the date for November and a she invited another long-distance friend from high school and I've been looking at tickets to get out there.

Anyway, I was planning to reach out to her mom and fly in to her state to fly with her to my friends state so she wouldn't have to worry about making her way there with all her anxiety, but today I got a message from my friend. Her mom and stepdad are visiting her area this weekend for an extended family member's birthday, and she and her mom decided they would "pre-look" at wedding dresses today, "just to get an idea of whats out there" and wanted to know if I'd feel left out if they did that.

My heart sunk when I got the text, because I knew that her mom probably was trying to combine dress shopping for this trip so she wouldn't have to take another trip out again so soon. I messaged back saying no I wouldn't feel left out, but did that mean dress shopping in November was canceled? She said no, that it was still on. I was a bit relieved, but still worried. I gave the okay, because of course I can't say no, that would be supper immature and inappropriate.

Of course, she found a dress she wanted, and I was left out of the whole experience. She video called me at one point for a very short while, and sent me photos, and I tried my best to be happy and give good advice and opinions, but it's not the same, and I wasn't part of most of it. (She didn't go for any of my advice, but I'm not hurt about that - video and photo representation isn't the same, and my advice might have been totally off from what I would have said in person.)

Anyway, here's the thing: this isn't my wedding. My feelings don't matter. I realize this in my rational mind, but I'm still incredibly hurt. I definitely wanted to be there for these types of moments for her wedding.

I pretended not to be hurt though, because I really don't want to stress her out in any way when it comes to her wedding. I don't want in any way to be someone she looks back on and remembers as a source of stress or drama during this event. I realize that her mother brought up the idea and pressured her to do so because of her own travel anxiety, and I'm not mad at my friend for jumping at the chance to look at dresses with her mom when she could - just in case her mom pulls out of organized plans last-minute. I'm incredibly close to my mom, so I'd definitely want her there when it's my turn. I get it.

Still, I'm hurt. I just don't know of I should tell her so, or if I should keep pretending I'm okay. What's done is done, she has her dress. Is there any point in bringing up my feelings at all? Or should I just swallow it all up and hope I work through the hurt privately somehow? I don't like hiding my feelings and lying to her, but I feel like telling her would do more harm than good.

If you've gotten this far, I appreciate it.

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