RQG

Some more additions to my Mummified Undead army.

Some of the new models from the free faction update. Love the army standart bearer.

Champion with spear:

Herald with dual weapon:

Back

Test model for my Mummified undead army painting project. I think I'll add more color depth to the cloak and experiment with some different bandage color tones in the future.

Backside

Earlier today I was browsing through shelves at a toy store to look for a last gift for one of my daughters. That's when I hear an excited voice ask one of the store employees 'do you have dungeons and dragons?'. I listen in and learn that they do not have any DnD material at all and also can't order it. I walk a bit closer and see 3 12 year old ish boys and a girl with disappointed faces. The employee also can't help them where to find dungeons and dragons products.

Now I live in Germany where you can't find dnd boxes at the likes of Target like in the US for example. In fact I know of 2 stores in the whole city which carry DnD books and material.

I step in and ask if I may help out with the question. I tell them that there are 2 stores which carry the books, dice and more on the other side of the city. They said that's far away but they'll try to go there in Saturday.

We get talking and they tell me about how they are looking to start a dnd club at school and also play at home. They got a set of dice and saved around 70 euros for a book and maybe some more dice and such. I tell them that'll buy them the players handbook which is a good starting point and maybe some extra dice.

They ask me if I played as a kid and I said yes, in fact I still do and I'll be playing tonight. That's when I made a weird decision in my head. I had all my stuff already with me so I don't have to go back home between work and game night. I opened my backpack and gave them my copies of the PHB and Monster Manual. They were super excited and actually insisted to pay me but I'd have felt bad taking money from them.

I didn't want to post this as virtue signaling stuff or anything. It was just kind of a crazy decision I made that I think was kinda cool. They just reminded me so much of me when I started out. We were lucky to get our first dnd books gifted by an older brother of one of our group's members. So I wanted to pay it forward. Now I just have to figure out how to run tonight's game without my books.

I'll do the bases for the whole army at once at the end. For now these are finished and I'm happy with how they turned out for such a quick paint job. I'm especially proud of Cersei's hair.

I recently got into my first tabletop Miniatures wargame, a song of ice and fire. This is my first unit painted. Before I only ever painted DnD and Pathfinder minis which at best I used for OPR fantasy Skirmish.

Hey. I was told having issues controlling anger or emotions in general can be related to ADHD. I know I get WAY angrier than anyone should ever be sometimes.

Especially when injustice and ignorance come my way. I get furious beyond anything I've ever seen or heard of anyone else talk about. Maybe aside from depictions of killers or berserkers in fiction. It's not cool.

Only a few times have I gotten in trouble for it luckily and I never actually done anything more than shout the most disgusting insults at someone.

Now I do feel bad afterwards if I got angry at someone I like. But often enough I feel they fucking deserved it. If someone is an ignorant asshole willingly ruining someone's day, week or life they deserve some ruin thrown back at them. I know this might not be a good and healthy thing to think. But if someone provokes someone don't they ask to be yelled at?

I know they do this to 'win the argument' because of that imo idiotic notion that who yells first is wrong. But honestly I rarely care to be right enough for shit to matter.

I've read a few books on anger management and some techniques help a bit. But the amount of anger described in the book seems so very mild to me in comparison to what I experience and how fast it builds up. One book told me to count to three. I am ready to launch nukes before I reach 1. That won't work.

And I don't get angry at something. I have pure rage and fury, hatred and contempt for existence itself at those moments. Angry really doesn't cut it. It's scorched earth, blown it all up and piss on the ruins kind of anger.

So anyone else experience this? Any tips to deal with this shit?

I'm posting because I'm a bit bummed out I guess. I began the whole diagnosis process because I wanted clarity of wtf is going on with me. A clear no it's not ADHD would maybe even have been a more satisfying answer than this.

Apparently I either have ADHD and my high intelligence allows me to compensate so much it masks symptoms for the tests. They did two intelligence tests which came out way above average it seems. I hope this doesn't come off as bragging. It really isn't as much of a gift as it may seem.

Or I don't have ADHD but my cognitive function shows some similarities. And I'm also super smart. But somehow I can't put it to use when it comes to my life due to issues with emotional regulation and tolerance for frustration which I don't have much off.

How this affects my life is I can't focus or do things I don't find interesting at all. Same with things that don't offer anything new to me. Being intelligent means I understand and figure out new things super quickly. But that means I get bored quicker and then struggle to do the thing. So I hopped jobs, surprise everyone how crazy good I am at the job and what a fast learner I am and whatnot. Then I hop job to the next. It never amounts to anything. And I got burnout or boreout. Depression. All that fun stuff.

Buf They can't tell for sure which one it is by the metrics they use. Which just is so unsatisfying after it took to long.

The good news is the result still qualifies me for trying out meds should I decide to do so. Same for getting therapy paid for by insurance. It's nice to have options so I'm happy for that.

Thanks for letting me vent my frustrations.