SARGE

No chief engineer has ever asked why my favorite transporter rooms require so much extra power.

Well... Not more than once, anyway...

Seed that bitch so hard you can start a garden.

Well, even Kim has a plate. All the bridge crew from VOY have one!

Kim: I literally saved the ship and everyone inside on multiple occasions, literally rewrote history, and I'm still an Ensign.

Paris:I haven't gotten anyone seriously maimed or disobeyed huge important orders in awhile, so they promoted me.

Thanks for reminding me, I just moved halfway across the state and need to replace things.

I make people hate me when I play monopoly. I hate the game as much as I hate the system it was originally meant to mock. So every so often, people I know will keep trying to get me to play.

Monopoly Pro Tip: buy everything you can afford, put as many of the little houses you can on it, but don't upgrade to the big pieces. When there are no more small pieces, you can simply bleed everyone dry.

I've had people literally flip boards in anger.

And every time I hear someone say "that's not fair", I respond "I know it's not, But 'what's fair' doesn't matter in capitalism."

Yes, I get a little preachy with it.

But hey, I've almost never been asked to play again by the same person.

Matthew 6:5

And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But of course, none of them have ever read these words, that would require reading the Bible in some form or another.

You should see the things Riker gets up to in Quark's holosuites.

I don't think the universal translator will even allow me to tell you.

Nope, not me.

I'd like to think I'm funny though...

Well, I mean I DO technically have a YouTube channel that hasn't posted since 2017 and only has a few battlefield 3/4 clips on it I wanted to show friends.

Which YouTube guy would I be?

That would be chef's kiss.

Bonus points if he then tosses them into the sun on live TV.

Fun anecdote: a relative, without a hint of irony, goes on about how they deserve to be there because "they used to live there 2,000 years ago"

Apparently I'm an "asshole", "woke" and "antisemitic" for bringing up native Americans...