chloespanked

Whaletails led me to wearing thongs which led me to sissy stuff which led me to chastity which led me to cuckolding fetish. And somewhere along the way I realized that I don't need to feel insecure about my arguably average-sized penis - an insecurity definitely more pronounced because of my own attraction to big dicks, and some confusion/denial about that. I realized that I could delight in not having a big dick. After all, I'd rather suck than be sucked - I know that 100%.

Right now there are few things that turn me on more than feeling like I have an inadequate cock to perform PIV sex or top with. Wearing a chastity cage feels so affirming. If I could shrink my PP, I probably would.

The way I see men and women on the street is starting to be re-mapped. I no longer see myself competing with men who want to top; we're different. And I no longer see my attraction to women as primarily sexual. That's what I'm used to labelling it as but usually it's "I wish I looked like that." And, to some extent, hot hetero couples - fine specimens of their gender - don't elicit "poor me for not having that" but more "I'd love to watch them fuck."

I didn't like the term beta when I first encountered it. But now I feel like it fits for me. Because I want to bottom and be girly, I have a big 'size matters' fetish, and I'm not able to socially or medically transition. I've learned a lot about myself from exploring my kinks. Can anyone relate to any of that lol

I find the image of an 'unoccupied' pussy beside a dick in the butt so hot. DAE?

I experience pretty high levels of gender dysphoria, but I don’t think a formal gender transition (medical, social) makes sense for me. So, I’m trying to enjoy my gender and thus my life more by doing things that are (privately) very gender euphoric for me but don’t significantly lessen my cis-enough-presentation and -privilege. I’m realizing that chastity cages can play a greater role in this.

I remember the first time I bought a cage and tried it out at home. The session ended in disappointment, when I discovered that I could pull out of the cage. My early chastity play was closely linked to dressing up, sexual activities, and fantasy (e.g., permanent chastity, anal only orgasms).

Another discovery and frustration has been the tentative conclusion that I can’t fully come from anal stimulation and may not ever be able to. Right now, I don’t have much desire to perform another test of 3 weeks of penile abstinence and endure the psychological frustration that comes with it in pursuit of the elusive full anal orgasm.

My new mantra is “chastity is just clothing,” meaning that I want it to be a part of my daily life and routine that is purposeful and not really sexual. Because I really like aspects of chastity. I find putting a cage on for some reason instantly feminizes my posture and gait a bit. Not feeling a dangle or erection between my legs and having a cage on to advertise that I'm bottom-only is a positive affirmation of my true self that makes both looking at porn and simply being out in public in real life more fulfilling. Riding a dildo is also more fun while locked. I haven’t tried this yet, but chastity augmenting submissive dynamics with a keyholder sounds like lots of fun.

I can pretty comfortably stay locked for 12 hours with my current cage, and this period can align pretty well with getting ready in the morning and getting ready for bed. So, I’m going to keep doing that with an eye to maybe get another cage and/or experiment with taking a break during the day and getting into overnight wear