pieguy

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You remove the juicebox from your backpack, push the straw into it, and begin to drink. The two beans look at you with confusion. "Really? Is this the best time to have a drink?" one of them asks. You pause sipping without letting go of the straw to look at the bean and shrug your shoulders before resuming.

A minute later the juice is finished. The beans look at you waiting for another move, hoping you just needed a sugar boost before making your true decision. You then feel something building up deep within yourself. Your body begins to tremble, frightening the beans. You look down at your body and you see your legs have tripled in muscular mass, and this growth is spreading upwards into your abdomen, chest, and finally arms! You let out a horrifying roar, catching the attention of the content-dealer/bean-farmer. He looks up at the balcony and yells: "What the FUCK?"

You jump with incredible force from the balcony into the roof, breaking it and carrying away all the rocks, soil, and plant matter that was covering the subterranean room. The cloud-covered sunlight is now freely shining into the chamber, and a gentle rain begins to fall. You land back into the bean-farm hole as the effects of the juice quickly wear off, returning you to normal Brank size. You hear the farmer call from nearby behind you: "That was a big mistake, kid", he says while menacingly waving his beanstalk-hitting-stick. You try to crawl away, but your energy is too low from the sugar crash. The farmer finally reaches you and raises his stick in preparation to strike. You cower from the impending blow, but it never comes. The farmer screams, and you look up to see a vine has grabbed him from his leg and is tossing him about! More vines emerge from the nearby beanstalks and converge on the bean-farmer. Together they throw him to the floor and crack him open, sending a mess of yolk and albumen all over. The beans have claimed their victory!

The now-liberated beans walk up to you and give you a big group bean hug. One of them carries a voluntarily-made crown of bean-vine to you and places it on your head saying "We name you bean-friend!" You accept this great honour, wish the beans & beanstalks well, then make your way back home.

You've made your way back home and open the front door. "Brank? Is that you? Where have you been all day? Your teacher said you missed your history test on the navy!" your mother Brenda says, running to the front door to meet you. "This is quite unlike you Brank, missing a test. You know how important the navy is to this family" says your father Hank following closely behind your mother. You explain the events of your day: The shady content dealer, getting breakfast, the beans running away, you following them into the park, their troubles, the underground bean farm, and how you helped them in their liberation. As you finish, you notice your father has begun to cry. He finally speaks: "My dear son Brank, I always knew you would grow up to be a good egg, but what you've accomplished today goes far beyond what I ever could have expected. There is something I want to give you." Your father Hank wipes a tear from his eye, removes his "The Navy" cap from his head, and places it on yours. "You've shown me that you truly understand what it means to do good in this world. I believe this hat now belongs to you." You smile and begin to tear-up as well. "We're very proud of you, Brank!" you mother Brenda adds, and the three of you engage in a family hug.

To celebrate your great day, your parents prepare a special meal of deep-fried egg-nuggets! You eat together and chat about the latest Funhole magazine issue that just came in earlier today. Once dinner is done, you take your bath, hug your parents good night, and get ready for bed. You enter your room and pensively look at your Techno-Mage poster. You think to yourself that you're just like her: A hero! You climb into bed and cozy-up under the blankets. Just before you fall into a well-earned sleep, you think to yourself that there's something you need to quietly say aloud, even if no one is around to hear:

"Thank you for engaging with my content!"

THE END!

Wow, what an exciting story! I hope you had as much fun as I did, but not any more! Please leave your comments, questions, and ratings out of 5 eggs below!

That's right everyone, we've made it to the PENULTIMATE EPISODE! The decision Brank must make this time is far greater than any decision he has made before. Choose wisely!

A wave of sympathy washes over you. You cannot allow this injustice to continue against the beans, even if it means missing your test. You offer your apologies for eating the bean's friends and offer to help it. The other bean that ran off leaves its hiding spot under an exposed tree root and asks you both to follow deeper into the woods.

As the three of you venture deeper into the forest, the light fades to darkness as the canopy becomes incredibly dense. You eventually come to an old shack bearing the usual signs of abandonment: Broken windows, missing door, dilapidated roof. You worry that the beans tricked you and have brought you here to cause you harm. Just then, one of them proceeds to enter the shack and flick the light switch, exposing a secret underground tunnel behind a shelf.

You follow the dark tunnel. You see a faint red glow ahead. You muster your courage and press on. You soon come to a balcony overlooking a massive subterranean bean farm. The beanstalks below appear miserable in the dry room and gloomy grey lighting - just enough to keep them alive but not enough to properly savour the sweetness of their sugars. A sudden violent noise startles you: You see below a farmer hitting the beanstalks to loosen the innocent little beans from their pods. You look closely. Have you seen this man before? You finally recognize him: It's the shadowy content dealer from earlier today!

You start to plan how you want to free the beanstalks and their beans. You check your backpack for supplies and find you have...

• A paperclip
• A hammer (for opening eggs)
• A juicebox

You quickly consider what you can do with these items. What should you do?

A: Use the paperclip to short a nearby exposed control panel

B: Sneak up behind the content dealer / farmer and hit him with the hammer

C: Drink your juice

HOW TO VOTE: NOW CLOSED

Leave a comment with your ranked preferences. For example, if you prefer option B the most, option A second, and option C the least, you would comment “B>A>C”

Voting closes in 48 hours from time of posting!

You quickly eat the rest of your eggs and follow the path those beans ran off along. The trail of sauce takes you out of school and across the street to the nearby park. As you venture deeper into the wooded area the sauce trail gets fainter and fainter until it eventually disappears.

You stop to look around for some sign of the beans but can't make anything out. That is, until you hear some faint whispering coming from a nearby bush. You approach it and rustle the branches. A bean falls out and screams!

The bean stares at you in horror. "How is this happening? How are you able to move and talk?" you gently ask the bean. The bean begins to sob into its little bean hands. "So many bean-eaters eat us without knowing that we are a special species of bean, Phaseolus bellus, that are really cute and sentient! My bean kin just want to fall from our pods into the tasty soil and grow tall and strong and smile at our bean friends, but we get canned and sent away to be eaten!"

You take the bean's words into consideration. You're at risk of being late for your test so you must decide quickly. What should you do now?

A: Offer to help the bean free its friends. You'll definitely miss your test, but this is a bigger priority.

B: Offer the bean refuge in your pocket and run back to school to take your test. You can discuss things with the bean later.

C: Quickly grab the bean and eat it, then run back to school. The test is your priority and you need to recuperate any energy lost chasing the bean.

HOW TO VOTE: NOW CLOSED!

Leave a comment with your ranked preferences. For example, if you prefer option B the most, option A second, and option C the least, you would comment “B>A>C”

Voting closes in 48 hours from time of posting!

You arrive at the front of the cafeteria line and ask if it would be possible to have a bit of both eggs and beans. "Halfsies? No problem!" is the reply. You smile: You're sure to be unbeatable taking this test after having this good meal. You collect your food and make your way to a table to dig in.

You find a seat and get your fork ready. The cafeteria is getting busier as more students file in. Thankfully you beat the line before it got long, giving you ample time to eat your breakfast. You take a bite of egg, it's far more delicious than you could ever imagine. You take a bite of beans, and they're perfectly sauced & seasoned.

As you swallow the mouthful of beans, you think you hear a distinct yet faint noise. It almost sounds like... screaming? You look around the cafeteria room and see no one in distress. You ask the students nearby if they hear anything and they answer in the negative. Mildly concerned, but not wanting to dilly-dally, you take another scoop of beans onto your fork. As you bring it to your mouth a most extraordinary event takes place: A couple of beans jump off your fork and begin to run away!

You sit and watch with shock as those beans jump from the table to the floor and run towards the door. It seems like nobody else saw what happened. What should you do?

A: Keep eating. You don't have time for adventures. You're hungry and you need to finish breakfast and get to class for your test on time.

B: Doggy-bag the beans for later. You've had some already which should be enough fibre for the morning. Finish the eggs and get to your test.

C: Follow those beans that ran away. They couldn't have gotten too far, but they're small and may hide. You hope to be back in time for your test but aren't sure how long this could take.

HOW TO VOTE: NOW CLOSED

Leave a comment with your ranked preferences. For example, if you prefer option B the most, option A second, and option C the least, you would comment “B>A>C”

Voting closes in 48 hours from time of posting!

You decline the strange figure's offer of content and continue on your walk to school.

You've arrived at the front doors of school. As you enter, you notice a family of buns hopping by. You could swear you saw one smile and wave at you before hopping away, how lucky! You make your way to the cafeteria to get breakfast. Your mouth is watering in anticipation of getting those eggs!

You get in line and read the menu - yup, the egg special is listed! But right underneath is the option of beans. You think: Your doctor warned you that you're at risk of fibre deficiency and you don't want to feel off while taking your test, but you've really been looking forward to having those eggs. What should you do?

A: Get the eggs. You can have something high-fibre later.

B: Get the beans. You want to feel in top-shape while taking your test.

C: Ask if you can have a bit of both. Maybe the cafeteria staff are in a generous mood today.

HOW TO VOTE: NOW CLOSED!

Leave a comment with your ranked preferences. For example, if you prefer option B the most, option A second, and option C the least, you would comment “B>A>C”

Voting closes in 48 hours from time of posting!

Your alarm rings, waking you up. It's 7:00, time to get up and get ready for school. You have a history test today to close out the module on the navy. You've studied hard and slept well, this test shouldn't be a problem! Your mother Brenda gently knocks on your door then slowly opens it. "Good morning, my dear Brank!" she says softly. You return the greeting while stretching and hop out of bed.

Once you've dressed and brushed your teeth, you pack up your bags and start towards the front door. But before you open the door, your father Hank calls for you: "Haven't you forgot something, my boy?" Indeed you have: Your breakfast money! You sprint to your father, collect the money, give him a hug, and wish your parents a wonderful day before starting your walk to school.

It's a beautiful day out on your walk to school. The fresh air counters any stress you may feel about your test. You're excited to have breakfast before classes begin: The cafeteria is having a special of eggs! Such a meal will surely give you the energy you need to get an exemplar grade on your test. But something is afoot! From a nearby dark alleyway you see a shadowy figure wearing a trench coat and fedora. He beckons to you: "Hey kid, wanna buy some content?"

You pause to think. Your parents warned you against accepting content from strangers. What should you do?

A: Buy & consume the content. It's just one content, what's the worst that could happen?

B: Politely decline and continue walking to school

C: Run back home to tell your parents

HOW TO VOTE: NOW CLOSED!

Leave a comment with your ranked preferences. For example, if you prefer option B the most, option A second, and option C the least, you would comment "B>A>C"

Voting closes in 48 hours from time of posting!

If we're being brigaded (that the correct term?) doing so may be less work/stress than waiting to get a hold of someone. Can Lemmy do such a thing? We do have precedent for this with toobnix.

In addition, @SDF if your plate is full I'm sure many of us, myself included, would be happy to help manage the instance.

Cheers

Did you fight in the Great Content War of 2025? Post your tales from the front!

I, for one, never thought I'd see the day where I'd compose this sentence:

And of course, I earned my battle honours:

Hello bun enjoyers!

Following inspiration from a certain holey sibling community, we at Fun Bun Facts want to know your favourite fun bun fact you've learned this year! You can pick from any of the fun bun facts that have previously made an appearance on this community, or any other you've learned/discovered/observed/~~made up~~.

List of previous fun bun facts:

1. Thanks to all the vitamin A they get from eating carrots, buns have incredible eyesight!
2. A bun's ears are so powerful, they're sensitive to radio & satellite signals! This enables them to watch TV with their minds!
3. Buns are incredibly intelligent! So intelligent, that they've engineered for themselves rocket-booster shoes! This is what enables buns to hop very long distances!
4. Buns have very powerful teeth! Monty Python tried to warn you, but you didn't listen!
5. Buns have a very strong sense of smell! So strong, that they can smell our fear!
6. There are buns all over the place! There may even be one in your backyard right now!
7. OH MY GOD THERE IS A BUN RIGHT BEHIND ME!
8. Buns are really cool! They're super cute and very friendly!
9. Throwing lettuce onto a bun does not make it a sandwich!
10. (err, 0xA) Buns count exclusively in hexadecimal!
11. (0xB) Buns are extremely proficient with computers! However, they will refuse to use any computer that does not have the Plan 9 operating system installed!
12. (0xC) All buns hold PhDs! It is for this reason that buns frequently address others as "Doc"!
13. (0xD) Buns are 1 of 3 mammals that lay eggs, and the only animal whose eggs are made of chocolate!
14. (0xE) Buns are real!
15. (0xF) I like buns!
16. (0x10) Today is International Bun Day! Are you celebrating? Leave a comment letting us know how!
17. (0x11) Bun buttons should not be used to fasten your shirt!
18. (0x12) Buns invented the sewing machine to make for themselves fluffy coats!
19. (0x13) Buns can only perform barbery when classical music is playing in the background

??. Your own fun bun fact here!

You can leave your vote as a comment with your top 3 favourite fun bun facts below! The results will be compiled on 2024-12-29 00:00 UTC. Don't delay, vote your favourite fun bun facts today!

DISCLAIMER: Fun Bun Facts makes no guarantees about any fun bun fact listed above or below