sarah2653

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/28878325

In the last 4 weeks I've worked with several people over 60 and I don't like what I saw: slow giving report or describing a problem, fixation on trivialities about a client's appearance or something funny he did instead of getting directly to the point and doing our jobs, incapable of coping with new forms of communication, feeling they are your supervisor, even though they're not, criticizing you for 'wasting' paper or erasers, telling you how they dislike other coworkers, even though I just met this person 2 hours ago, acting as if only their way of doing things is the right one, then they pretend to be your friend and ask questions about your personal life which I deflect as good as I can.

I don't like working with people like this, it's very draining and I don't want to become this kind of person.

How do I make sure not to become this kind of person?

In the last 4 weeks I've worked with several people over 60 and I don't like what I saw: slow giving report or describing a problem, fixation on trivialities about a client's appearance or something funny he did instead of getting directly to the point and doing our jobs, incapable of coping with new forms of communication, feeling they are your supervisor, even though they're not, criticizing you for 'wasting' paper or erasers, telling you how they dislike other coworkers, even though I just met this person 2 hours ago, acting as if only their way of doing things is the right one, then they pretend to be your friend and ask questions about your personal life which I deflect as good as I can.

I don't like working with people like this, it's very draining and I don't want to become this kind of person.

How do I make sure not to become this kind of person?

Time box chatting is the art of cutting a conversation that bores you without the other part feeling offended. I need to master this art for the workplace.

Context: This post is intertwined with my last one about how extroverts function. The most upvoted post is about how this is not an intro-extroversion issue, but antisocial-social one. Another one is about how matching communication styles with coworkers lowers walls and the recommended way is to time box chat. There are coworkers I don't need to practice this charade with because they're genuine and are, like me, analytical and not needy. The problem I have with are the emotional ones, to me still childish.

If tomorrow at the workplace I ask one of the emotional ones how is she doing, she's going to believe I'm either f*cking with her, I’m trying to sell her something, I'm having some kind of seizure or I'm on drugs. These are people I have nothing in common with, so I don't know how the conversation should go after initial contact. Just a sample of what they talk about:

"I like your eyelashes so much"

"I'm getting an IUD so I can have sex with my boyfriend without condoms"

"you have so pretty shoes"

"you don't have a boyfriend? I'll help you get one"

It’s never 2 minutes of conversation and let’s get to work, it’s at least 30 minutes, longer if they decide to go smoking and my boss belongs to this group and enjoys the attention. What past me did is stay there like a moron, not contributing because what the heck am I supposed to say to any of that? and eventually leave to work on my own, because they bore me. And they felt offended when I did that. The longest I can listen to this kind of inane conversation is 30 seconds. I don’t believe I can make the 2 minute mark. And even if I make it to the 2 minute mark I don’t want it to be longer than that and I don’t want them talking to me after those 2 minutes.

Kudos to all introverts and quiet ones who can navigate this. I cannot.

ETA: drama is the only reason why I’m quitting this job, I already have a new one elsewhere, effective in 4 weeks, so this is the perfect time to experiment with whatever you can think of because I have nothing to lose.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/26365993

I'm the quiet, introverted one and I may be on the spectrum. I like to do my job and go home. I hate drama and drama queens and ignore people when they start gossiping. Many extroverts find that offensive and talk behind my back like teenagers do. This stupid drama is the only reason why I quit my job after finding a new one.

I agreed to stay 4 weeks with the company because some coworkers are actually grown ups, it is a breeze to work with them and I can use their experience to be a better professional.

Back to the immature ones: Past me would ignore their sarcastic and passive aggressive comments, which took a toll on me but now I have nothing to lose and I couldn't care less what they think of me, meaning I started to answer back using their same tone and so sarcastically and passive aggressively as them: they yell at me accusing of doing something on purpose, I politely tell them to calm down and to seek help.

Most of my coworkers are women. Since I started answering back and being a jerk, they toned their b%tchiness way down, it is more pleasant to work here now.

I don't understand why my coworkers treat me with some respect now that I'm being a jerk and I hate I have to be a jerk to be treated with a modicum of respect. I don't know if I'm wrong but I think they have an idea of what a man is supposed to be and now that I fit their definition of a man, they leave me alone because they see in me something familiar to them.

I find it sad I have to be an ass to be treated with respect and I hope to find a workplace where I can be myself and work with no drama.

Is this something that's going to happen no matter where I work?

I'm the quiet, introverted one and I may be on the spectrum. I like to do my job and go home. I hate drama and drama queens and ignore people when they start gossiping. Many extroverts find that offensive and talk behind my back like teenagers do. This stupid drama is the only reason why I quit my job after finding a new one.

I agreed to stay 4 weeks with the company because some coworkers are actually grown ups, it is a breeze to work with them and I can use their experience to be a better professional.

Back to the immature ones: Past me would ignore their sarcastic and passive aggressive comments, which took a toll on me but now I have nothing to lose and I couldn't care less what they think of me, meaning I started to answer back using their same tone and so sarcastically and passive aggressively as them: they yell at me accusing of doing something on purpose, I politely tell them to calm down and to seek help.

Most of my coworkers are women. Since I started answering back and being a jerk, they toned their b%tchiness way down, it is more pleasant to work here now.

I don't understand why my coworkers treat me with some respect now that I'm being a jerk and I hate I have to be a jerk to be treated with a modicum of respect. I don't know if I'm wrong but I think they have an idea of what a man is supposed to be and now that I fit their definition of a man, they leave me alone because they see in me something familiar to them.

I find it sad I have to be an ass to be treated with respect and I hope to find a workplace where I can be myself and work with no drama.

Is this something that's going to happen no matter where I work?

I don't talk about politics or religion at the workplace, yet there is a drama queen that loves just blurting out what she thinks to everyone around.

My way to go so far has been to ignore her, but sometimes I just want to yell at her how incoherent she is.

Then I'd be the one starting drama I guess...

I'm looking for advice to deal with these kind of people. I don't want to work listening to conspiracy theories.

and how do I react next time they don't greet me?

I started working at this department 3 weeks ago. I went into the office I now work at, greeted 2 coworkers I've already worked with, they looked at me, said nothing, kept talking to themselves.

How am I supposed to interpret that?

To me this is disrespectful, maybe you disagree?

Then, as I was working, I saw both of them staring at me. What am I supposed to do when that happens? To me this signals hostility and passive aggressiveness.

I separate private life from personal one but even I know that the least you can do is to greet your coworkers, unless you want them to quit.

basically I'm the quiet one and even though she never was my supervisor, she acted like it. I was doing my job and she kept pestering me to help her with something she could do alone. I told her to wait, she kept calling me. I ignored her to do my job, she kept calling until I exploded:

First I said I don't want to argue. She kept nagging me.

I yelled: leave me alone. She started a chain of expletives and called somebody. I don't know who she called, but I assume somebody from management.

She's the popular one and has been working there for 15 years already.

Back to today: I work in the same department, but another building, doing exactly the same, but it stings that nobody ever called me to ask for my side of the story. I feel disrespected and angry.

This is also a job I haven't been happy for the last 2 months, before this conflict with this coworker, meaning I've been applying for positions, both for promotions within my company (office job instead of mechanical job) and for jobs elsewhere. After finding out the real story, after knowing how much power a popular person has over you, I only want to move on as soon as I can to another department or quit altogether.

The rational solution would be to focus on the office job within the same company away from that coworker and that department, but I'm not making much sense now...

It hurts.

Is this the right way of going through life?