Media Misquoted

Orla: Madame Umbridge wants to know when her review with Minister Granger-Weasley is going to start.

Percy: It’s not happening. Minister Weasley is leaving for Helsinki in ten minutes.

Orla: HELSINKI?

Percy: Capital of Finland.

Orla: Why?

Percy: Probably because it's centrally located with good transport links to the rest of the country.

(E-Squared)

Asgardian : "Sir, The Aether -- shall we destroy it?"

King Bor: "If only we could, but its power is too great. Bury it deep, somewhere no one will find it.

Unless of course they are putting up low rent housing"

(Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

[Picard is facing Wesley in his Ready Room]

Picard: Mister Crusher, you are one of the finest young officers that has served on my ship. And I think that this latest mistake of yours can be put down to a misunderstanding.

[He pauses]

Picard: Porn virus aside, I am very grateful to have you on board.

(The Orville)

[Anne, Gilbert, John Meredith, Rosemary, Norman Douglas, Ellen and Susan Baker are sat in the Ingleside living room, listening to the declaration of World War II on the radio]

Gilbert: How...... how can this be? [he looks around at the group] How can we be going to war again?

Anne: [shrugs] Maybe it's like butt stuff - easier the second time around.

(Lucifer)

Dan [talking to Serena after his sister Jenny leaves home unexpectedly]: It would just break my heart if I lost Jenny. I mean, before there was even you, there was Jenny. When I was sad and lonely, there was Jenny. And for those long lonely years in school when girls wouldn’t show me any affection at all…… there was Jenny [Serena turns and stares at him in surprise] That came out wrong, but you know what I'm saying.

(Mad About You)

Hermione [looking around]: Who's Mister Filch?

Fred [pointing across The Entrance Hall]: He's the caretaker. The guy with the little mop of grey hair.

Hermione [frowning]: Well that sounds very unhygienic -- shouldn't they give him a real mop?

(An Audience with Victoria Wood)

Serena van der Wood: Blair — stop being dramatic.

Blair Waldorf: I am the least dramatic person who HAS EVER ROAMED THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!

x-x-x

(Girl Meets World)

Harry: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals!

Students: [in unison] Yes! We're all individuals!

Harry: You're all different!

Students: [in unison] Yes, we are all different!

Pansy: I'm not...

Students: Shhh!

(Life of Brian)

Q [looking around the bridge of the Enterprise D]: I'm pretty much thinking it's time to get the fear back. And I'm sorry, but I think life is just too short to spend your time being someplace where people don't crap their pants at the mere sight of you.

(Scrubs)

Lucius [approaching Harry in Flourish and Blotts]: Well, well. Harry Potter. We meet at last.

Harry: How do you meet at first?

(Rocky Horror Audience Participation)

Barbara [smiling angelically]: Jesus and I have redefined our relationship

Jim: You mean he dumped you because he found out you were Satan?!

(Gossip Girl)

Spike [looking round at Buffy and the rest of the Scooby Gang]: I know you... all of you. And I'm pretty sure I hate you.

(Gotham)

[Daisy and Jemma Simmons are stood at the edge of the field where Leo Fitz and the other agents are waiting for Coulson to marry Fitz and Simmons]

Simmons [to Daisy]: The first time I saw him, I knew I wanted to make love to him in the worst way.

Daisy [sounding confused]: Standing up in a hammock?

x—-x

(The Reduced Shakespeare Company)

Harry: Why do people keep saying Dumbledore was a good man? He made my life crap.

Hermione: They keep saying he is a great man [pauses] There’s a difference.

Harry: There is?

Hermione: Great men aren’t usually good men.

x—-x

(Legends of Tomorrow)

Harry: I was told they asked you to become Minister, and you turned them down.

Dumbledore: Several times.

Harry: Why?

Dumbledore: I have seen what power does, and I have seen what power costs. The one is never equal to the other.

x—-x

(Babylon 5)

Snape [staring at Dumbledore’s portrait]: You’re raising this boy like a pig to slaughter.

Dumbledore: It was necessary. For the greater good.

Snape: You sound like a sociopath.

Dumbledore: Sociopaths get shit done, Severus.

x—-x

(Never Have I Ever)

Sisko [as Kira shows Dukat into his office]: May I offer you a drink?

Dukat: No.

Sisko: You’re right, I won’t.

x—-x

(The Rocky Horror Show)

[Jem Blythe is reading “MacBeth” to Faith as they both lie on a blanket in Rainbow Valley]

Jem: Macbeth shall never vanquished be, until Great Birnam wood to high Dunsinane hill shall come against him

Faith [doing a bad Scottish accent]: “Oh no — it’s the copse”

Jem: [rolls his eyes]

x-x-x

(the internet)

Obadiah Stane [staring down at Tony on the roof of Stark Industries]: The point being, Tony, what you should fear right now is not how much time you have left but how horribly it shall be spent

x-x-x

(Goncharov)

(Harry, Hermione and Ron fleeing from the dragon in Gringotts)

Hermione : The Death Eaters might still be out there!

Ron: No time to discuss this to committee!

Hermione: I AM NOT A COMMITTEE!!

x—-x

(The Empire Strikes Back)

Damar [talking to Sisko]: Commander Sisko. Relax. I'm supposed to take you alive. Dukat wants to talk.

Sisko: Tell Dukat we'll talk. But not today.

Damar: Don't be that way. "Alive" is a very broad category. [pauses] A man with no hands can still be alive.

x—-x

(Gotham)