ADHD

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A casual community for people with ADHD

Values:

Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.

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Respectful venting, including dealing with oppressive neurotypical culture, is okay.
Discussing other neurological problems like autism, anxiety, ptsd, and brain injury are allowed.
Discussions regarding medication are allowed as long as you are describing your own situation and not telling others what to do (only qualified medical practitioners can prescribe medication).

Encouraged:

Funny memes.
Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
Questions on confusing situations.
Seeking and sharing support.
Engagement in our values.

Relevant Lemmy communities:

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.

founded 2 years ago

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Took me too long to realise: You can't just make the choice to be someone else (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Example: My messy apartment. Every time I did a thorough cleaning, usually due to pressure and last-minute high on adrenaline, such as a landlord inspection, I was SO sure: Fantastic, it's done now, and it will always be nice; I just have to change and do 20 minutes every day.

Well, you all know how that went. But I kept repeating it over and over, 20 years, 25 years.

What works is to admit that you are like that, but don't know entirely why.

What works is to make a small improvement. I can do one thing every day and check it off, as long as it is on a list.

What works is to get to the root of the problem, ADHD in this case, depression for others, and treat it. This is the big gun, it can be life-changing.

What works is even to hire a maid, to get a dishwasher, to a degree.

What does not work is to "decide" that things will be different now.

It's easier to see when it happens to others. I remember the post of somebody who considered himself lazy, but had all these ambitions. He wanted to get up tomorrow and become this "super-productive self". We all told him, one way or another: That is great, but instead of doing that tomorrow, check today if you can study uninterruptedly for 25 minutes. If that works out, do that for a week, and we'll talk again.

Does the other thing also exist, the epiphany where people change their life? One of my favourite quotes from Babylon-5: "You have the opportunity here and now to choose, to become something greater and nobler and more difficult than you have been before. The universe does not offer such chances often, G'Kar." Is it a lie?

Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9v1jJ_ATec

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I certainly changed my life by just deciding to become a different person. I had an epiphany many years ago when I was reading a short biography of Bob Ross. It described how, once he was out of the military, he decided he was never going to yell or curse at anyone ever again, and was going to lead a peaceful life taking care of animals and making other people happy however he could. He was tired of being angry and wanted peace.

That was my a-ha moment where I realized, I don't HAVE to be this pissed off curmudgeon at the ripe old age of 35 just because I have been that in the past. And I consciously decided to change. It didn't happen overnight, but it did happen, and people who knew me in my 20's but haven't seen me since probably wouldn't recognize my personality now.

I also have ADHD and agree with what you said, though. When it comes to the things ADHD interferes with, it's incredibly difficult to just 'choose to be better', that's like a person with chronic fatigue syndrome and a double hip replacement just 'choosing' to run a 4 minute mile one week. Being an asshole just isn't one of those things, and I just decided to be different one day.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I totally get this. We have to figure out what we can and can't control. I decided, a long time ago, that I did not want to be the kind of father that my father was. Thankfully, I was able to let go of the anger that I was brought up with. I'm far from perfect but I decided the cycle of abuse would end with me and I ended it.

I still can't remember what I was about to do or where I put something 90% of the time. I wish that weren't the case. I wish my stupid pinball machine of a brain worked like a normal one. It doesnt. That's outside my control.

But, I was able to change something that really mattered by dealing with something I could control.