this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2025
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Because it is. Women aren't magically getting rich while all the men go bankrupt. Thinking you are lonely because you are poor is a cope fantasy that is 100% due to some kind of personality flaw you are harbouring.
It isn't just your stereotypical incel who is lonely. People aren't lonely because they suddenly just got worse at being people.
I see a lot of good, decent guys lonely who don't hate women, it's just that infrastructure and third places got defunded, so you're either at home alone or at work getting told it's only appropriate to socialise in company-approved ways.
Add in that rape somehow got politicised (mostly because we have rapists and pedophiles holding public office), so while we do fuck all for most of the victims who get raped in domestic situations, we get women and men afraid of talking to each other and also afraid of being talked to.
And people who come out and say 'hey I feel lonely' get told 'it's your fault'.
Yes I think the disappearance of third places has a lot to do with it.
Wouldn't be required, so long as the social expectation is that straight dating generally requires men to spend on women over the reverse. All it requires is that the dude not have the money to spare, regardless of how women are doing. Couple that with the tendency for women to tend to strongly preference men who are wealthier or higher status than themselves, and just barely scraping by means you have a generally smaller dating pool available as a straight guy. That still generally expects you to be spending on them, rather than the reverse.
Ok, but when I was both unemployed and absolutely broke af I picked wildflowers off the railroad tracks and brought them to the woman I was into. I said, "Here's some pretty flowers for a pretty girl". I had no car. I had a shitty $50 hohner plywood guitar with a broken bridge that I played and sang "you are so beautiful".
Its 12 years later and that woman still makes me the best goddamn sandwiches I have ever ate in my life.
Are people watching TV shows and old movies thinking this is real-life, and the only way to get a girl is to take her out in an expensive car for a fancy dinner because this is what "everyone" does? That's not reality.
If we can think of racism as believing ridiculous and false stereotypes about people, this incel business seems like a similar kind of thing. Believing all this 80/20 red pill Chad/Stacey nonsense is no different from thinking Jews have infiltrated all banking and media to keep you poor and ignorant. Believing wealthy high-status men have a bigger dating pool because women prefer them is just like thinking black people can't swim or Mexicans are lazy.
Judging by some of the responses in this thread, yes it seems like younger generations of men have completely warped ideas and expectations when it comes to dating and relationships. Which I guess just further proves that this has absolutely nothing to do with "boo hoo I'm poor" and a lot more to do with having a fucked up personality. Like you, I am in a 12 year relationship and almost all of my "dates" (and I use that word in quotations because I think people have a weird misconception that a date needs to be something expensive and unique) with my partner were just walks along the beach where we talked a lot. We also went to a movie one time and ate some cheap takeaway (we both paid). That's literally it.
I don't like this tho. The hypothetical incel thinks he is the victim, and while he should take responsibility for his misogyny, this just flips all the blame onto him and say "No, it's your fault because of your fucked up personality". Someone still gets shot or stabbed.
It's objectively true. Why their personality has developed in that way could be down to any number of things, many of which should be examined more closely, but ultimately the individual needs to take responsibility for anything to change. Everyone has personality flaws, everyone can work on them over time. I have zero tolerance or sympathy for people suffering from a loser/victim mentality, it's pathetic and cowardly behaviour.
This makes sense to me in theory but it's very black and white. How does this apply to the thirteen year old in the story? He should have known not to believe the incel bullshit fed to him on the internet? He had a mother and a sister, so he should have known it was wrong to objectify women despite the constant stream of hypersexualized content in all media everywhere all the time? If not the girl who bullied him, was it inevitable that he'd eventilually stab or shoot someone because he had a "fucked up personality"?
"...ultimately the individual needs to take presponsibility for anything to change" doesn't make sense to me when it comes to a 13 year old alone in his bedroom with a firehose of mysogny and twisted anti-logic.
It doesn't, because I am not referring to children here. They are not the ones whining in this thread about being too poor to date or women being too picky, those are real adult men not fictional boys from a TV show.
It's not. In the western world this is a myth based on extremely outdated gender and family stereotypes. Some women prefer to have men pay, some prefer to pay themselves, some don't really care. It's not a hard rule you can use as an excuse to give up.
Even if you actually have to spend money on the date, which is not guaranteed, how much do you think you need to be spending? Why do you think dating needs to be expensive? Again, you are living by these weird rules you've invented that make dating seem far more difficult than it is in reality.
This is just straight up incel cope. You cannot put all women in a box like that and then wonder why you are struggling to meet anyone. Again, it is a fantasy you have invented so that you don't have to try. Try not making massive assumptions about people you literally know nothing about and you might actually have some success.
Generally, not absolutely at all times. The woman I eventually married settled into a plan of taking turns as to who pays for dates (she literally insisted to pay for the second date since I paid for the first, and it grew into a pattern from there). From the mid 90s to the first Trump admin (the period of time in which I was dating girls/women) she was one of only 3 who suggested or encouraged splitting the costs in some fashion.
Who put all women in a box? It's a tendency, a trend, not an absolute descriptor of all individuals. At the same time if you believe wealth/status indicators do not play a significant role in how attractive women perceive men to be, or at least no more so than the reverse you're going to be very disappointed in the ladies. There is research out there to that effect, specifically that wealth indicators correlate positively with attractiveness for both men and women, but that the effect is much stronger in women considering men than the other way around.
Is this genuinely not a thought out response.
On average women are more educated and end up with the dual income that a relationship provides. They are more likely to not die alone.
On average women date and marry hypergomous men. Another Stat that might interest you is that the more successful a women is the odds of them ending up alone go up.
So ya.