this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2025
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Um, that's not healthy there...
I mean, I'm a dude, and I realize most dudes suck... But that doesn't make me hate myself. It just makes me want to be "better" so I'm not "one of those men" or one of the dudes who when women are bitching about shitty men, they turn and say,"Well, not you, of course!"
I think this is where Reich Wingers distort the message: The message shouldn't make you hate yourself for being a dude, but should make you hate the toxic masculinity you were taught, and for you to rise above that.
That sounds like continuing to ignore these issues.
Hell, you even admit being shit is the default for men.
Ignoring what issues? That men, quite often, due to what adults teach kids, are shitty people? Or that it takes a bit of deprogramming oneself to start treating women like equal humans, rather than objects to be won?
Yes, it is the default in our society, for men to be shitty. Because we are still teaching our kids toxic masculinity, rather than healthy masculinity.
With no real alternatives suggested.
The alternative is to learn to not be a shitass... This is another part of toxic masculinity: Demanding to be spoonfed every single thing they have to do, rather than perform the emotional labor themselves of self-introspection.
So, go learn how to not be a shitass, and strive to be the one dude in the room that women tend to say,"... but not you, of course!" when bitching about toxic masculinity.
Don't take it personal, because well, you're doing exactly what misogynist claim women do: Being irrational and emotional over a set of facts.
If you have kids? Don't teach them that the default acceptable behavior is toxic masculinity. For example, don't be a bully, and don't be afraid to stand up for others who may be weaker than yourself against bullies. Abhor violence, but accept sometimes the threat of violence is a deterrent to toxic behavior. etc etc.
Its not complicated, but it can be difficult to start down the track of that self-introspection.
I dont have kids. But i imagine my hypothetical son would be better off if there was a community he could talk to. But as it stands you can't even get support of you where, say, sexually assaulted.
There's plenty of support communities for SA survivors... Not sure what you're going on about. If one needs some assistance locating such a support group in your area? If so, feel free to DM me, and I'll be more than happy to assist them!
But, without kids, you can, of course, work on yourself, to make yourself a good human.