this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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At first, I thought people were exaggerating by calling her comics a strawman, as the situation mentioned in the comic above happens too commonly.
I did a little digging and found this deleted thread.
https://archive.is/xfVPD
To my surprise she turned out exactly like people she seems to be calling out.
Edit: added url
Edit 2: She didn't respond and went radio silent on people who shared their experience and called her out.
Edit 3 : Found this in the same thread
But that's just it, right? Your experience is an outlier in the typical male experience. I myself have never experienced those kinds of things, but I am sorry you have.
The problem is, that women experience these types of things far more than men do. It is wrong that it happens to males as well, but that type of sentiment (hey, guys have it bad too!) is exactly why the slogans "All Lives Matter" versus "Black Lives Matter" is a huge deflection on a problematic issue.
Sure, all lives matter, but when there is a disproportionate amount of black people having actions happen that put their lives in danger, re-framing the argument only serves to obscure that reality even further.
I think it's important to realize there is a time and place for grievance, and when it is someone trying to relate their struggle, it isn't helpful to mention "well yeah, I have it bad too". Imagine saying that to a widower: "you lost your wife? I lost my husband and my son!" Comparing burdens does nothing to address the suffering of another, and it doesn't bring to light the scope of the issue when it is a group that experiences more adversity than another.
The fact of the matter is, we live in a male-dominated society, and as such we experience a much, much different reality than women do. Same with minority ethnic groups. And to marginalize those already marginalized groups even further by bringing up our (very real at times) struggles feels like a slight to them.
I do believe that there is a very real need to talk about toxic attitudes held towards things that happen towards men, which is important because it is mainly due to our status, these issues are all too often swept under the rug or minimized because those things "don't happen to men". That is wrong, and is a very real problem.
Of course everyone has varying experiences, I'm not trying to flatten that fact. When I say "typical" I'm refering to the fact that these types of incidents are more prevailent as an experience by women under the subjegation of a patriarchical culture that gives males a disproportionate amount pf privilege and status in such a society. I myself mentioned in my original post that it isn't right for this to happen to men any more than women, but I think it's disingenuous to claim these are equivalent experiences. I mentioned minorities and prejudice, and I don't think it's unreasonable to state that racism against white people, while it does exist, is a much different thing then what is experienced by minorities. Trying to create a false dichotomy equating male's experience of sexual harrassment with women's undermines the severity of the problem by trying to act like it's a gender neutral issue, it isn't. We can address both, but it would be wrong to conflate both as the same, we can draw parallels and definitely see lessons from each's perspective, but we can't paint both with a broad brush if we want to address what is the core issue with both.
I hard disagree with your position here, including your allegedly heinous example of bonding with a widow because you also lost your SO! Can you imagine?! Humans bonding over a common experience?
All Lives Matter isn’t fucked up because it believes that all lives really matter, that surface explanation is actually quite virtuous until you learn the context surrounding it. It’s only when you find out it came about as a rebuttal by racists to the Black Lives Matter movement that it starts to take on a sinister note.
The GP saying he gets raped and assaulted by women too is not in any way comparable to the all lives matter slogan and you’re delusional for drawing that comparison.
Women do experience these types of things more, everyone fucking knows that. We should not be dismissing men who are experiencing it too or telling them to hush up cause the ladies are venting right now. Instead we should be encouraging fellow humans to bond and find common ground so that we can move past this bullshit and deal with the real problems? The sexual assault perpetrators - who yes, are admittedly mostly men.
Why men commit more crimes in general is beyond the scope of our discussion…
I used that example, because I am a widow myself. My fiance passed a few years ago. I don't mean to imply people do this out of malice, just that they try to "make you feel better" by relating to your grief, but unfortunately grief doesn't work like that. When I am grieving, more than anything I'm just looking for someone to listen and understand, not try and tell me "it's normal" or "this happens to everyone, don't feel so bad", because as genuine and heartfelt that sentiment is it is not helpful. I'm not immune to it either, I met a man on the bus who'd lost his daughter, and my first reaction was to mention my fiance rather than listen and let him let it out. I realized what I was doing and reflected about it later, I saw how he reacted and how sharing that type of pain doesn't mitigate it, what you really want is to talk to someone without comparing tragedy. There is a time and place for that, but not in those moments of grief and pain.
Yes, I mentioned that explicitly in my comment, did you read all of it? I never said that it was okay for that type of thing to happen to men, and that we should talk about it. And just like with letting women have the floor, we should allow men to have it when the convo is centered on that issue. I don't see what the issue with giving each issue their own time and space is, we need to have focus if we're talking about two very different, yet similar scenarios, in order to have some kind of real way to find a solution proper to both.
Sorry you lost your fiancé, that’s awful.
I still don’t agree that finding common ground over grief or any other aspect of the human experience is a bad thing.
Sure when the man on the bus told you he lost his daughter if you had said “you think that’s bad, wait til you hear what I lost” that would be totally inappropriate. Telling him “I also lost someone close to me and know the pain and emotional turmoil that causes” is completely appropriate and is very human.