this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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The original Bri Larson tweet makes me think of a recent post on lemmy that showed younger men are less and less likely to ask women out in person. Some people in the comments said "hey it's ok to approach women in public just be ok with them saying no" but when I read what women say about being approached in public (like bri larsons tweet here) I get the feeling that I should never approach women in public because I'll make them feel scared.
I'm not talking about the top tweet where a guy is memorizing your address, that is creepy, I understand that, but the guy in the bri Larson tweet wasn't being creepy, just shooting his shot right? Or am I way off here?
"Approaching in public" can mean so many different things. What most women have a problem with is being approached in a situation where the man has some form of power over her. For example a cashier or server has to be friendly and smile or she will risk her job. Being approached is uncomfortable, because too many men don't understand it when the no comes with a smile. They are also in a position of power, because they can complain about her or make a scene and get her in trouble.
In this case the TSA agent has some form of power over her and could give her trouble if she refuses. She has no way of knowing if a "no" will be met with understanding or with him holding her up, being insistent, keeping her from passing. That's what makes it especially uncomfortable.
I think even if it's not one of these situations, being approached is uncomfortable unless you are interested in the person. People are way more isolated now and less socially aware, which means half the people who do approach will not understand when the other person isn't interested, and end up making it a bad interaction for both people rather than just a short uncomfortable one.
Being isolated also makes people act stupid, which makes them ask out their server cashier etc even if they know they shouldn't. They just need someone to be with, and they see a positive interaction and go for it. It's like someone who's starving stealing a lot of your food, it's still their "fault" but it's not really surprising they would do that.
Sounds easier to just stay introverted. Sorry. Forever alone lol
It's pretty simple. If they can't just walk away and choose not to talk to you, don't shoot your shot.
If they are going through security to get on a scheduled flight, and you are security, do not shoot your shot.
If you are their boss, in your office, do not shoot your shot.
If you are purchasing something from them, do not shoot your shot.
If you are at a bar, and you are polite, shoot your shot. And accept a no graciously.
If you are at a park, and you are both walking your dogs, try to start up a conversation (not shoot your shot). And accept a no graciously.
If you are the President of the United States, and you have a 19-year-old intern in your office, DO NOT shoot your shot.
Seems pretty simple to me. I'm a man in my 40s, have started plenty of conversations with women (and men) in public, and have never had any negative experiences from it (other than coming across some VERY strange people). Weird.
What happened to just having hobbies and social groups and then developing genuine relationships there, too? Why are the "male loneliness" advocates acting like picking up girls has ever been the standard for developing a relationship? Just seems like brainrot from watching too many "ripped guy in the beach picking up girls" videos at a young age...
I have had a bunch of relationships and flings in my life and only like one or two happened through "shooting my shot", most were friends of friends, school colleagues, large Whatsapp group chats (were a big thing in Brazil for a while), etc.
Yeah, that's the other thing. I was a teenager in the 90s and just walking up to someone in public to hit on them or flirting with people who are working was seen as weird back then too. You met people through hobbies, school, parties or clubs.
That's a lot to take in. I will just not shoot my shot.
As is your prerogative, but then you don't get to complain that you can't find anyone.
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Let me know when you're 20 years old and growing up with social media and society the way it is, we'll see if your logic still applies.
Lots of downvotes here, but I get this. As a woman in the 70s, (before social media), young people gathered at dances, night clubs, outdoor parties, indoor parties. We usually arrived with friends and felt safe engaging with other people. You might “click” with someone and spend a couple of hours conversing or dancing. It was face-to-face, up close and personal. I feel for men and women these days trying to meet on social media. When chatting via text you can’t hear voice inflections, you can’t see facial expressions. Sometimes emojis just don’t cut it. It’s definitely a new frontier.
This summed up my point perfectly, thank you.