this post was submitted on 10 Mar 2024
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[–] [email protected] 70 points 1 year ago (5 children)

If dogs go to heaven, then what do they eat there?

[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 year ago

Doggy heaven is squirrel hell its a very efficient system.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Cats. Cats are evil and go to hell. Their hell is to be food for heaven's carnivores.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Cats are notorious dicks. Why act surprised? 🙀

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Meanwhile I've owned dozens of cats and no dogs and have more scars from dogs than cats

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I bet if the cats weighed 90 lbs that'd be a different ratio but the lack of opportunity is still a point in their favor.

No housecat is going to maul a child if they jump your fence either.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I bet if the cats weighed 90 lbs that'd be a different ratio but the lack of opportunity is still a point in their favor.

Those claws can hurt you man, they're sharp as hell, but they choose not to use them

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In aus at least cats are pests that kill baby birds are single handedly responsible for putting hundreds of speicies on the endagered spieces list and have helped many go extinct so maybe a cat didnt hurt him maybe a cat just hurt the enviroment he loved.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah cats kill birds like no other. They help us humans to extinct a few more species, best bros ever.

Doesn't matter, for each dead bird we breed 100 chicken that get produced into nuggets.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Those billions of chickens wouldnt exist if it wasnt for humans WE ARE their evolutinary niche we are the very reason they exist. And well we aint making chickens extinct are we.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hell yeah bro. The only reason those chickens get to live a grueling two months inside a hot, windowless shed caked in filth, barely able to stand because they've been bred to grow so large is because of us humans. You're welcome chickens.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What about those poor bacteria living in our assholes in a windowless gut caked in filth unable to stand is because co-evolution with humans your welcome shit eating bacteria.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

What about them?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Cats go to hell and they enjoy it there.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Cats are mirrors.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Damn people took this way too seriously lmao

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Labrador meat is premium, it really has to be heaven https://www.elwooddogmeat.com/meet-the-dogs

[–] Semjaza 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Would anyone or anything in heaven eat? Hunger is but a manifesting of the unimmaculaticity of flesh.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Well done. A google search results in zero hits for unimmaculaticity.

[–] Semjaza 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Thanks, it is fun to play with language. I almost went for the more boring "maculate".

I find something comedic about a Germanesque mash of prefixes and suffixes. Maybe one day I'll stumble across a newfangled word that can live in the cupboard of our collective vocabulary.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Unimmaculaticity lives in my word cupboard now

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Nothing. They do nothing but sit at the feet of god's throne and worship him for all eternity.