this post was submitted on 29 Sep 2024
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My mom and dad used to argue, or debate is probably a better word, about this.
My dad's family was pretty well off and one of his great aunts had been a lawyer, toward the turn of the century (1900-1920ish) and he thought women could do anything men could, that there were NO social restrictions or any real discrimination that you couldn't address by simply pointing it out and doing what you want. That women were just sort of brainwashed to think there were outside-imposed limits, society was not a strong force compared to individual will.
My mom's family was poor, her grandma was a very accomplished farmer, midwife, had taken in men during the depression, put them to work on her farm, fed and housed them, but my mom's mom was a wife, her husband beat her (but never my mom) and didn't think she should have any life except in relation to him, she never did work outside the house and didn't seem to have any opportunity to, my mom saw how social forces worked to keep her and other women down, she didn't think women could just up and go do whatever, unless they had their own money and property like my dad's aunts did.
I think the answer is between them, but mostly think the only thing you really have control over is yourself so what you do is the bigger factor. So I think people who feel like everything outside of them is holding them back - it's unproductive even if true. You might not be able to address the victimizing factors, but how do you even know if you don't try?
I think negativity in general sort of bugs me. One of my coworkers is so negative. Since she's worked with us she's dropped like 70 lb to reach a good weight, gotten her eyes fixed, had a grandchild, so much good she could celebrate but only she sees the bad, what is wrong not what is right!