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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Famous_Delivery5916 on 2023-08-18 16:41:11+00:00.
I (46f) have lived with my husband (48m) for over 20 years, married for 16 and we have two kids (16 and 9). One year ago he decided that he has had enough of family life and went to live with his parents for some time. He was behaving like a bachelor for the entirety of his stay with them, found a girlfriend and was drunk constantly. He had used alchohol before but we never had much problems around it. He also spent a lot of his time playing games with friends on his computer.
One year ago he informed me that he found a girlfriend and was ready to move out of our apartment and cut ties, although he didn't quite do that. He left me (making close to minimum wage) to care for our two kids and also left a collection of unpaid bills going back months. After that I fell into a depressive episode that lasted two months and my two close friends managed to get me out of it.
About three months after he left us, he came back, well not really. He started coming to our city, hanging out with the kids again and also with me, inviting me out for drinks and dinner. All was going well and my 16 year old went on a week long trip with him.
For a while, all was going well. He said that the girlfriend was a lie and he just needed some time away to clear his head, last night I sent him a "Good night, love you" text as I usually do, but in the morning he replied with "I don't deserve your love. I'm about to become a dad again. I'm sorry" I later called him to ask what he meant by that and he told me that he has a girlfriend in another country who is pregnant with his kid. She plans to keep it and he wants to cut ties with me and our kids to care for that child.
I don't know what to do. I requested devorce but he declined saying he was not ready. Can anyone give me advice regarding this situation. Can I divorce him anyways, even though he doesn't want to do it. Is there any way I can secure payments to my kids, since with only my job I can barely make end meet for the basics. I do some odd jobs here and there but it's not enough.
TL;DR! My husband of 16 years took a break from our marrieage, then returned and impregnated a woman he was seeing. He wants to be with her, but refuses divorce. I can barely make ends meet with my salary for our kids. Can I divorce him anyways, even though he doesn't want to do it. Is there any way I can secure payments to my kids, since with only my job I can barely make end meet for the basics.