Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Stunning-Jicama-4672 on 2023-08-18 20:26:55+00:00.

The title kind of spells it out. I’m a few months pregnant, just about out of the first trimester. I’m a full time student (went back to school last year) with an hour commute each way and I also have 2 jobs (pharmacy tech, server). All in all I have next to no free time. My fiancé has a fantastic job working for his friends company where he brings home significantly more than me and works maybe 10 hours or so a week? The rest of his time is spent golfing, hanging out with friends, etc.

He cooks all our meals & pays about 65% of the bills, and I do have to keep that in mind. But the house is never ever clean. And I know it’s not even his fault at all. He has a great job and I’m glad he does, and he does bring me food to work every day & is generally extremely thoughtful. But hearing about his fun, leisurely day after I work 13 hours just makes me resentful. He also often brings up feeling depressed because he doesn’t have much motivating him career wise/financially at the moment. Can anyone offer any advice about how to stop feeling this way?

TLDR: I, while pregnant, work 2 jobs + am a full time college student while my fiancé and father of my future child has fun all day. How can I stop resenting this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/needtoknow345 on 2023-08-18 20:17:01+00:00.

So my GF often comes home and talks about her day at work including her coworkers. So I hear about her coworker all the time, they often seem to talk about sexual stuff which I find weird (but thats just me) and ive expressed that to my GF in a non-serious way.

The other day my GF said that they were talking about some lube that stimulates your parts during sex and how she was guna get her some. Then apparently my GF leaned over to look at it and her coworker kissed her on the cheek and said "I bet that's how your GF kisses you".

I'm an extremely jealous person, but when my GF said this I reacted pretty neutrally, clearly not happy about it but didnt say much. I dont want to make a big deal out of it because I guess its not my GF's fault, but she has a history of having sexual encounters with female friends.. both before me and with me. I'm more frustrated by the fact that this isnt the first time her friends seem to have crossed a boundary and I'm getting tired of giving people passes at my GF.

But she is continuing to spend time with her, like go pick up lunch with her etc. This makes me uncomfortable as I feel its disrespectful to continue entertaining a friendship with someone who doesnt seem to respect your relationship.

Am I being dramatic? Im not sure how to go about this.

TD;LR My GF's coworker kissed her on the cheek and Im not sure how to feel about it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Available-Gur3024 on 2023-08-18 20:12:25+00:00.

I (26f) think my boyfriend (26m) is tired of me honestly and i dont know if he is just with me because he is used to being with me and doesnt want to be alone. A couple of months we had a fall out, i hurt him bad and he wanted to break up with me, we broke up and a week later we couldnt stand being apart. I apologized, and started working on myself so he could trust me and feel comfortable around me again. He told me he would give me another chance and i took it. Everything was working just fine but i could notice he wasnt himself anymore. He slowly started to lose interest in me anytime we would face a problem, and it seems now that he doesnt feel much for me. I wish he would let me know if in doing something wrong instead of telling me he is tired of me whenever we discuss about something because of me wanting him to be more caring and loving towards me. He also doesnt seem to feel attracted to me anymore. I love him so much and he tells me he does too and wants to spend his life with me, (buy a house and such); but i feel like he is just saying that just so i dont feel alone or just so i can keep doing my life, because he knows about my mental issues and anxiety, im heavily insecure about myself because of trauma and i constantly think that he will leave, so whenever we are not okay, i find it really hard to function like a normal human being. Im a depressive person but i love him so much i dont know what i would do without him; but it depresses me more that i know he would be better off without me because my insecurities hurt him. I want to get better but i think he is just tired and doesnt have the patience anymore to be with me. Everytine we discuss, i think he is going to break up with me and abandon me. He is my best friend and i feel like i have noone else… i dont know how to fix myself, i keep trying but sometimes i fall. 😞

TL;DR i dont know if my boyfriend wants to be with me anymore, my depression and anxiety is tiring him and i sometimes hurt his feelings without noticing but he doesnt let me know until its too late. I love him very much i want him to be the father of my children but i dont think he believes i love him much honestly

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/StringOfHearts86 on 2023-08-18 20:11:08+00:00.

I’ve (F35) been dating my boyfriend (M38) for about a year now. He was going on a stag holiday with friends so I said I’d give him a lift to the airport at 3am in the morning. It was the last week before he was going away and I was going away on a separate holiday so we weren’t going to see each other for 6 weeks. He also works away for work so we don’t get a lot of time together. Anyway I asked him if he wanted me to come over one last night or did he want to try and get some sleep before his flight. He said he wouldn’t mind getting some sleep. I was a bit gutted that I wouldn’t get that time with him but understood.

So I pick him up at 3am he shows up drunk. He said he doesn’t want to lie to me he’s been out drinking with his friend instead of sleeping. Apparently his friend called him up and asked him.

I feel really hurt. I’ve had issues with his lack of effort and making time for me when he’s home in the past and I’ve actually ended things over it. He’s been really making an effort since getting back together but then this happened and now I feel like he’s back to his old ways.

Should I confront him about it and what do I say? It’s been a month and ive not brought it up. Should I just accept that’s how he is or move on. Really interested to know what other people think of this and what I should do about it. Thanks.

TDLR: Boyfriend chose spending his last night with his friend instead of me. How should I handle this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Due-Text7442 on 2023-08-18 20:08:29+00:00.

My (18F) boyfriend (19M) refuses to tone down his cussing around me.

I grew up in a household where there was no cursing allowed, and so naturally I don’t cuss that often. I don’t see it as bad or sinful (I’m not really religious), but I do not like it when someone is using fuck or shit every other sentence. My boyfriend is constantly cursing, saying a swear word almost every other sentence. I have told him many times that I don’t like how often he cusses around me. We have had 2 talks about it. In the last one, I told him that I’m okay with him cursing around his friends, family, and anyone else, and I’m not trying to change his personality. I just want him to tone it down when he’s talking to me. He said he would maybe work on it.

  Today, when we were on the phone, he cussed like 6 times in 2 sentences, just telling a casual story. I asked him to please tone it down. Then, I said, “instead of saying ‘he’s so fucking cool’, maybe you could say ‘he’s really cool’ or something like that.” He said that was stupid. I told him that it’s really not that much to ask to tone it down around me. 

 In response, he said that I’m trying to change his personality and was like, “do you want me to make a seperate personality for you when I’m talking to you?” I told him that’s not what I was asking at all and that he was twisting things. I said that he didn’t respect me or my values if he wouldn’t even try to tone it town. It turned into an argument and he said I was insulting him. I don’t think I was. I told him he was being immature and he flipped out. 

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want him cussing so much around me, and I really don’t feel like this is too much to ask. As I’m typing this out, he used my words against me and said this:

“ I told you i dont like when you bite your nails. you are being disrespectful by still biting your nails so much. do it on your own, thats fine, but the fact that you do it around me is extremely disrespectful, especially because i have asked you multiple times to not. i know you said that you were working on it and wanted to get better, but your actions show otherwise and that you dont care at all, which is extremely disrespectful. the fact that you're not responding and making me feel heard when i am voicing my concerns is extremely immature. youre negatively reinforcing me ever telling you my concerns and being immature”

I said almost all of that about him cussing. He is currently using my own words against me. I don’t know what to do, reddit, am I being unreasonable by asking him to tone it down around me?? Should I just let it go? I feel really disrespected and unheard.

TL;DR: my boyfriend refuses to tone down his cussing around me, and started an argument over it. Is this too much to ask??

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ivystar1 on 2023-08-18 20:07:39+00:00.

Hey everyone I’ll try to keep this brief so I’m F23 and my bf is M34 we’ve been dating for about a year now and we live together. The past 3-4 months have been a lot of ups and downs. My bf is in his residency program and works long hours (usually 6 days a week 12-15hr shifts unless he’s on an elective month then he has more of a 9-5 schedule). The first 6 months everything went smoothly he was amazing at making the most of his free time always made me feel like a priority by planning dates once a week either at home or going out and always texting me throughout the day letting me know he was thinking of me, missed me, etc. However, this has almost come to a full stop the past 3-4 months... I’ve brought this up maybe 3 times & they quickly turn into arguments where he gets defensive and says how tired/ overworked he is & that I’m being too needy. Now I understand he works a lot, but my issue is from my pov he has stopped putting in effort since what I’m asking for are all things he used to do. Another thing our sex life is nonexistent now. We used to have sex maybe 5 days a week now 1x a month if that. I’ve asked him if there’s anything I’m doing wrong or if he’s not attracted to me anymore & he just says he’s tired & doesn’t want to talk about it. Now the tip of the iceberg for me was our anniversary. I was very excited to celebrate & we talked about getting gifts for each other & having a day planned to celebrate. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page rather than assuming. He got me nothing & this really hurt my feelings. This might seem shallow but I enjoy getting gifts from people bc they put effort into picking something out for me that they thought i would like. He didn’t even get me a card. Which we have talked about before cards are very important to me bc i save them and read them whenever I’m feeling down. He did this same thing on my birthday as well. I expressed that he hurt my feelings and 2 days later he got me a card and some roses and promised to plan a whole day of activities for us to do. Well that day turned into him sleeping all day and us just getting dinner. We still haven’t had sex in about a month so not even on our anniversary. Anyways, I’m not sure what to do at this point I’ve expressed how i feel and what is important to me and he has continued to ignore it. Not sure what to do at this point so I’m posting here for advice on how to handle the situation or if there’s something that I’m not seeing that others see. I tried to give context on what has led up to the anniversary to show the current state of our relationship.

TLDR: I’m F23 & my bf M34 has stopped planning dates, communicating with me throughout the day, and our sex life has almost stopped completely. I’ve brought this up with him a few times which always leads to arguments.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BornRaspberry4598 on 2023-08-18 19:59:16+00:00.

I (27M) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for about 5 years. We met when I just got hired for the company I’m still employed for,she was an intern at the time and she was job shadowing my boss at the time we eventually hit it off and became BF and GF. One year later she got pregnant with our son. She later quit her internship and left college because at the time I was making decent money for myself, so no biggie I would go to work providing for my family while she would take care of our kid and essentially become a housewife. She would occasionally hangout with friends and well you guessed it a lot of guys would hit on her and who would blame them my girlfriend is very attractive she has a cute face and a nice fit body even after birthing a child, sometimes I even wonder how I even got her since I’m rather kinda over weight myself. However my girlfriend believes in loyalty so I thought I had nothing to worry about.

I really thought I had it all,a well paying job a beautiful girlfriend and a healthy baby boy! But after around 3 years ago I noticed my girlfriend was going out more and more to clubs with friends I didn’t mind that, after all our son has autism and can be quite difficult. So I don’t mind her going out and having a good time with friends. she would come home the day after and leaving me in the dark when I would text her friends or call them they would give me the typical answer like oh she’s fine and she’s sleeping on the couch right now. So I would not think much of it until very recently, even her friends were ghosting or giving me none answers. I started to really questioned my GF but she would reassure me that she loves me and would never cheat on me. But a week ago my girlfriend came home at 3:30. I was still awake because finally my son went to bed which can be very difficult since he is low functioning autistic and requires 100% support. But finally I had got him to go to sleep after watching his favorite movies, anyways so I’m chilling and trying to decompress and my girlfriend comes home and well her makeup is a mess her dress looks sloppily put on, she’s missing a heel and she’s balling her eyes out. I immediately think she was assaulted. I comforter and ask her who did this to you And that I’m here for her to cry on and that I love her. She immediately starts crying historically, she sits down and tells me that she wasn’t assaulted at all and actually she was having a one night stand with someone else

I’m in disbelief how can the most nicest girl do something so messed up to me. it doesn't make sense at all my girlfriend is one of those one of a kind type of gal, she's down to earth, and is very quirky basically everything I like in a woman. She’s apologetic and that the guilt was so over whelming that she had to come over after she did him. Guess she had Post nut clarity and got tf out of there because of the guilt. She started saying how sorry she is again and she isn’t blaming anyone but herself and she is willing to Do anything she can to gain my trust. She then pleads with me to forgive her and at this point I’m full blown ugly crying at this point and just don’t really have the urge to talk to her now I am in disbelief I simply cannot believe my girlfriend would cheat on me I tell her that I’m just gonna go to bed, so I do . I wake up and my girlfriend is in the kitchen with my son feeding him and trying to teach him how to speak since he isn’t speaking. Anyways, she sees me and with a sad look in her face she gives me a hey. I don’t say a thing instead I make myself some cup of coffee and play video games. After a couple of hours she approaches me asking me if we can talk and I reply with talk about what you cheated and my heart hurts. She starts crying and cuddling me saying it meant nothing to her and that she regrets it and she was thinking of me the whole time. This made me even more sad I told her that her thinking about me while hooking up with a guy makes me feel worse. She promises that she loves me and wants to prove it she tells me that I’m her everything and she just wants me and her to be together and is willing to do anything to keep this relationship alive. I then tell her I want you to be fully transparent with me. She agrees I asked her is this the first time she has cheated on me, there’s a slight pause she then looks down more tears flow down her face and there the answer is right in front of my face. I’m stunned, I loose it I start yelling at her saying how could you I’m balling my eyes out. I calm down and ask her how long has this been going on and well she’s been cheating on me you guessed it 3 years my heart sinks. I ask her why and all she could say is I don’t know. I then look at her not knowing what to say. And start packing my shit she start crying like a baby getting on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness pleading for me to stay however I just reply looking at her seeing you just hurts me at this point our son is crying as well scream at the top of his lungs my GF stops what she’s doing and completely tries to calm him down, this is my ticket to finish packing and leave, I also text a close friends of mine to go and crash at his place. After that I start to leave and Ima bout to exist my place my gf is holding our son in complete tears begging me to stay I tell her I can’t do that, she then asks me to call her and try to fix our relationship. I simple just say goodbye to our son and just leave.I make sure to call her mom and let her know the situation and that she should really be with her daughter the mom completely understands and that she had raised her daughter to be better than that.anyways I go to my buddies and honestly past few days have been Really stressful but relaxing . She has not stop been blowing up my phone asking me to come back and the she’s sorry and is a piece of she for cheating on me and will forever live with that guilt for the rest of her life but she wants to be with me and fix our relationship. I have been chilling with my buddy Since high school And his wife And honestly it’s been nice, but really miss my family.

I still love my GF and A part of me believes she can change but she cheated on me with multiple of guys and totally shattered what little confidence I had for myself and also trust I had for her. But in no way will I ever call her a bad mother. Because she’s not, she’s Actually perfect she’s raised our son who is severely Autistic and all though I love him can be very stressful but she has never complained about it since her love for our son is much greater than anything she has ever loved. He completely has separation anxiety since he’s so attached to my GF. She is the ideal mother to my kid but the fact that she cheated on me is heart shattering I’m at a cross roads Now. Do I forgive my Girlfriend and try to move past it or do I completely break up with her and date someone who is loyal to a fault and will love me and not cheat on me,I’m desperate for help !

TL;DR: my girlfriend of five years has been cheating on me for 3 years and I don't know if I should leave or stay since we have a son together, and I still am very deeply in love with her. help!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ambitious_Thread on 2023-08-18 19:55:14+00:00.

TL;DR: I’m known for being picky when it comes to romantic partners…am I being too picky this time? What would you do in this situation?

I (24f) have been seeing someone (25m) for a couple of months. We were friends for a few months before we started actually pursuing each other romantically. For the most part, things have been great. He treats me well, is good to me and my friends and animals, and has most if not all of the qualities I've been looking for.

My best friend is very conventionally attractive. She and I have been friends for 11 years, and many of the people I have talked to or dated have thought that she was very beautiful.....and she is. This is not her fault or an issue I hold with her, it is simply important facts. Often times, she has a more available schedule than I do (my job is a 9-5 and hers is not), so she can go to more activities with our friends than I can. Sometimes, this can make me feel a bit left out. This, again, is not her fault and she and I have a very healthy friendship.

Recently, I expressed this to the guy I've been seeing and he said "well, she is a very attractive woman, but I think you're more attractive." This comment was fairly unprompted, because the main focus of the conversation was that she was invited to/attended a baseball game with our friends and I hadn't received an invite. All he said in regards to my main point (the baseball game) was "we can go to the next one together". I assume he was just trying to help, but it stung a little that he brought up her looks and more focused on that. I did tell him that it did bother me a bit that he said that, and he gave me a quick "I didn't mean it like that" apology and we moved on.

Secondly, today, I experienced some inappropriate touching at work. One of our vendors, seemingly intentionally, touched my ass. However, initially I was afraid to make a false allegation because I am new to the company. I have never dealt with anything like this in the work place and didn't want to to get someone in trouble in case it was an accident. I tried to go to him to support. He know that I have experienced significant trauma related to this in my life. All he said was "Well, if you think it was on purpose definitely tell someone I wouldn't know what to do other than that." (that's a direct quote).

No "I'm really sorry that happened" or "Are you ok?".....it felt really cold and unsupportive. For example, when I told my best friend about it, she immediatley asked if there was anything she could to to help, offered to help me formulate my email to HR (which I did end up sending), and overall made me feel safe and supportive. I left him on read and haven't talked to him since this morning. He hasn't tried to reach out since he texted me that either.

So Reddit, would I be a huge dick for calling it quits because of his comments, or lack thereof? Or am I being rational?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/UneekPhyseek on 2023-08-18 18:35:16+00:00.

So my partner (31F)and I (36M) were together for about 12/13 years, we split up a couple of years ago, since then we have been on and off but now she's done, she doesn't want a relationship with me.

It hurts, I love this girl with all my heart, she was my person, the one I'd talk to everything about but she moved out with the kids, so went my financial stability and emotional stability, I wasn't always the best partner, I have a couple of mental illnesses from my childhood that I have never remedied, my mother was a narcissist, from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning until I went to bed at night she would just berate my brother, sister and i, screaming and shouting constantly, so I mirror these behaviours not to the same extent but every couple of months I'll through a screaming fit, screaming, shouting and all together being a horrible human being, I have started counselling to try and help myself a bit.

I understand why my partner does not want to be with me anymore but I'm really struggling to come to terms with it. I can't sleep, everytime I close my eyes they just pop back open again, I used to just put my head on the pillow and I'd be asleep, I'd don't sleep for days at a time now, I used to go gym all the time but now I'm just starting to lose weight because I don't eat or go gym anymore.

We have 2 children together so I cannot just cut off contact.

I understand that there is no get fixed quick scheme but does anybody have any advice?

TL;DR: I'm horrible, she left, how do i cope?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sykotic71 on 2023-08-18 18:12:51+00:00.

I’ve known my (23M) friend (24F) for around 2 years. Recently I’ve come to the realization that our friendship is getting more and more one sided, and it’s pretty obvious she doesn’t really see me as a close friend anymore.

We talk regularly but I feel like she only reaches out for emotional support, and I’m getting tired of only existing for that purpose. Many times it feels like once whatsapp is closed I don’t exist anymore, and that I am merely an imaginary friend. I want a friendship where we do fun stuff together as well but she never really reaches out anymore. The only times we’d see each other is if she really has no other options lol.

The realization really hit me when she came to my area and didn’t reach out even once or mention that we could hang out, even thought she reached out to literally all her other friends, even ones who aren’t as close. So after hearing that I decided I can’t deal with this shit, I don’t want to invest in someone who sees me as a backup or punching bag.

However, I’ve been feeling really down and have been feeling a lot of FOMO for some reason. Im not very secure about my friendships and now I just feel depressed that I’m losing a friendship that I cared about a lot. How do I get over this friendship and just stop giving a fuck? I hate the fact that I even care so any advice would go a long way for me.

TL;DR I finally realized one of my friendships is really one sided, but it’s making me really sad and I feel left out. How do I move on from this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Western-Rooster-5197 on 2023-08-18 17:58:54+00:00.

I made a film with some people. Bought some props for the project, and the producer got people on the project to pitch in money to repay me for a very expensive prop I bought out of pocket.

I gave him my email to pay me the collected funds through Zelle. He supposedly paid me yesterday. 24 hours later, it's still not in my account. Zelle payments come in fast, so this is unusual.

I texted him, "Hey, I didn't get the Zelle payment. Could you check again?"

AND HE DISLIKED THE MESSAGE AND HASN'T RESPONDED.I don't think he's trying to steal from me, but it's still incredibly rude and unprofessional. How should I respond to this?

TL;DR Asshole co-worker passively agressively disliked my text asking about payment instead of responding. How should I respond?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Famous_Delivery5916 on 2023-08-18 16:41:11+00:00.

I (46f) have lived with my husband (48m) for over 20 years, married for 16 and we have two kids (16 and 9). One year ago he decided that he has had enough of family life and went to live with his parents for some time. He was behaving like a bachelor for the entirety of his stay with them, found a girlfriend and was drunk constantly. He had used alchohol before but we never had much problems around it. He also spent a lot of his time playing games with friends on his computer.

One year ago he informed me that he found a girlfriend and was ready to move out of our apartment and cut ties, although he didn't quite do that. He left me (making close to minimum wage) to care for our two kids and also left a collection of unpaid bills going back months. After that I fell into a depressive episode that lasted two months and my two close friends managed to get me out of it.

About three months after he left us, he came back, well not really. He started coming to our city, hanging out with the kids again and also with me, inviting me out for drinks and dinner. All was going well and my 16 year old went on a week long trip with him.

For a while, all was going well. He said that the girlfriend was a lie and he just needed some time away to clear his head, last night I sent him a "Good night, love you" text as I usually do, but in the morning he replied with "I don't deserve your love. I'm about to become a dad again. I'm sorry" I later called him to ask what he meant by that and he told me that he has a girlfriend in another country who is pregnant with his kid. She plans to keep it and he wants to cut ties with me and our kids to care for that child.

I don't know what to do. I requested devorce but he declined saying he was not ready. Can anyone give me advice regarding this situation. Can I divorce him anyways, even though he doesn't want to do it. Is there any way I can secure payments to my kids, since with only my job I can barely make end meet for the basics. I do some odd jobs here and there but it's not enough.

TL;DR! My husband of 16 years took a break from our marrieage, then returned and impregnated a woman he was seeing. He wants to be with her, but refuses divorce. I can barely make ends meet with my salary for our kids. Can I divorce him anyways, even though he doesn't want to do it. Is there any way I can secure payments to my kids, since with only my job I can barely make end meet for the basics.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/thank_amma_ on 2023-08-18 16:40:55+00:00.

I (24F) considered myself to be very passionate about sex a few months back. My bf (26M) and I have been in a relationship for the past 8 months. I love him very much and I can’t spend a day without him. Same goes for him. When the relationship started, I was the one who was always in the mood. I initiated a lot of our sexy times. But its been around a month since I started getting lazy during sex and stopped initiating the sex. The thought of sex is tiring and stressful to me nowadays. Even though he never forces me into sex, I know he is missing it. I’m still very attracted to him and love spending quality time with him. What is happening right now? Is this common in every relationship?

TLDR : I pleasure myself most of the time (1-2 times a day) and it excites me. He knows that and he is okay with it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MooMoomilk48 on 2023-08-18 16:39:11+00:00.

Context: Colleague (f24) and I (m21) worked together for a a few months and we chat together on a daily basis as we sit nearby - topics are quite simple nothing complex. I would describe her as very confident and non-chalant with a very vibrant vibe. She never usually blushes (not that I've seen) unless I make a semi-funny joke. Overall I thought everything was normal.

However, my last day came along and she wasn't in the office that day but was located in a different area. I wanted to say goodbye and so I approached and said my farewell. Throughout my final speech her body language was all very shy and her face was tomato red as she smiled and giggled. I wouldn't say we've become good friends throughout all this because we just casually talk in the office and nothing else, hence i was surprised that she had such a reaction. (I only worked 6 months)

Maybe its the fact that i apporached that caught her off guard? Maybe its just that simple and not that deep. Would like some opinions.

TLDR: Im leaving work for good (working 6 months) and I say my farewells to my colleague - she blushed (ive never seen her blush throughout our previous conversation as she's super confident). Opinions? Why?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA192929777 on 2023-08-18 16:29:12+00:00.

My BF clearly really loved his ex. They met fall 2018, married summer 2021 and they split in December 2022. He says the relationship was starting to fall apart last summer and she cheated for the first time around that time. He forgave her. She cheated again just before Christmas, so he gave up. He admitted to me he was totally heartbroken, lost loads of weight and was very sad for 2 or 3 months. They were long distance at the time (she's from Canada, he's Irish like me) and she came back one last time in late February to end things on "good terms" (?). He said it was very sad but he started to feel better from then on as it was so obvious he made the right decision.

2 months after this final meeting, we matched on Tinder. He seemed quite smitten quickly and admits he really thought he'd be alone for a while, but by the third date he knew he wanted to be my BF. We became exclusive at the end of May. He seems in love with me. He started saying this 6 weeks ago. We can talk about anything and everything for hours. He misses me when he doesn't see me for a day or 2. His family have been really welcoming. Even their friends who used to live with her, are very encouraging (they turned on her with the cheating etc). He admitted to me he still gets sad about it now and again, but it's because she defined his college years and it's sad someone so important betrayed him. This makes me feel like I'm a rebound. Add to that, I'm a law graduate working a corporate job who paints and reads in her free time; she was a yoga instructor stoner type. He has said a few times that it's great to be with someone so simialr to him in terms of interests and values. The ex and I couldn't be more dissimilar. I feel like I cant live up to the manic pixie ex, and frankly, they looked adorable together and should be together. It doesn't matter how well he treats me, or how he implies he thinks this relationship may last forever....i feel like a fraud. How do I stop feeling like a rebound?

TLDR: my BF seems to love me, but also his ex. How do I stop feeling crap about the situation?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mostlikelynotdriven on 2023-08-18 16:23:19+00:00.

Tl;dr: Never had success in dating, the rest of my life is going okay but I'm trying to make peace with having never experienced romantic love.

I have a few friends, my best friend is a pretty chill woman and I think my social life (love life excluded) is normal. I never understood how people went beyond friendships though. I was interested in many people, but people weren't interested in me. Even going through advice books and talks with friends, that's just something that didn't compute for me. I can be a friend, that's it.

In my late 20's, I realized I'm behind in my social life, professional life and artistic life. I worked on that a lot. I managed to get somewhere I like for the professional and artistic life, and am still working on it.

I admit I gave up on the social part though. I have a few friends, that's it. I dot on their kids and try to be there for them. Apart from that, I focus on myself. Still, sometimes, I feel the pang of loneliness and missing out. I'm aware not everyone gets to find love or be loved, but I'm trying to make peace with it so I don't have to catch myself daydreaming about something that doesn't happen and just do the stuff I actually can do without longing for something beyond me.

So the question boils down to: how can I accept my lot and be content with the cards I have?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SterlingDex on 2023-08-18 15:24:53+00:00.

So for a quick bit of info, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We life a bit far from each other and can't meet often because neither of us have a car. He got a job so he could get one but he still hasn't done it saying he hasn't found anyone selling a car that he can afford.

But the thing is for the past year he has put a lot of money on these anime figures he really likes. One of them was this Unohana figure from bleach, the big one that light up. He spent nearly $1000 on it due to the extra shipping cost and how hard it is to find. Another one he recently pre ordered was over $200. And that's without counting his gacha addiction, Brave Frontier ruined him when it was out, honkai has done the same and he's spent over $300 more on it. I love collecting figures and gacha too but I don't spend more than like $5 dollars on those games if anything at all and the most expensive figure I have was $130 at most. So it's concerning because at this point if this continues I don't know if we can stay together. He won't be financially stable and relying on me for it in the future if we move in together somehow when I still don't have a job is not going to end well. He hasn't gone beyond jokingly asking me to get him a $400+ figure to which I just plainly state I'm poor but if he does then we really won't be able to stay together in the long run.

He said he would get a car to make the distance work, I was still in uni at the time and I thought "that's a great idea. Then you can drive over when I'm free and we can spend time together." But instead I think he forgot about that in favor of getting his pretty characters.

I love him and will bring it up to him to work this out but I wanted to see if there was any second opinions about this. I don't think he's seen an issue but I'm worried. I come from a family who struggled a lot with money in the past, so seeing it be spent so freely on non essentials actually makes me anxious. Like that money could've been saved up for an emergency or to save up for his own place.

TL;DR: My boyfriend is obsessed with buying expensive things that aren't necessary and I'm concerned we won't be able to stay together if it continues.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/chasingamy1994 on 2023-08-18 15:09:15+00:00.

Hi, looking for some advice really on what I can do in my current situation, really appreciate anyone who has a read and maybe offers some input.

I (F 25) have been with my current partner (M 23) for two years. We work together and we had an immediate connection. I've never got along with someone so easily and in many ways he feels like a soul mate.

One thing that has unfortunately become a really big problem though is trust. He lied by omission about an ex. When I first met him his first ex was in a relationship with one of his best mates. I didn't find this out though until about a month or so after meeting her. It all came out one night when he was drunk and he told me how they had dated in high school and he'd lost his virginity to her. We'd had a discussion about our first time earlier on in our dating so I was surprised that he hadn't mentioned it was with a friend who I would meet as she was in his close friendship group. It shocked me to find out as I met her at a wedding and spoke to her a lot and danced and took photos and obviously didn't know about their past.

He said they dated for a few months over summer a few years before, had sex once and then ended up in a friendship group a few years later and were in a group chat met up a few times as a group, then she started dating his mate.

I always felt there was more to it and obviously, with today's society everything is available on social network to see, so I did a bit of stalking, which is embarrassing I know, but I just had a gut feeling about it all. Ended up seeing loads of interactions between them on Facebook with him liking, loving and commenting compliments on many of her pics not long before we met and before she started dating his friend.

I also found evidence of them dating much longer than a few months over summer and evidence of then dating twice rather than once. But he doubled down on his story for months.

I ended up going on his phone and saw loads of messages and video calls between them in the months before we met, they matched on tinder. They met up one-on-one for walks and went for lunch, he said they never met up just the two of them to me, so flat out lie there. There were romantic gifs and lots of 'I love yous' he even said at one point she was the most important person in his life.

If he'd just said the truth about things, even if it was stuff I wouldnt have liked hearing at least I could have trusted him and left that topic with a proper understanding and transparency.

Still, even after I saw all the messages, he said 'he forgot' about it all, it was only when I said I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who I couldn't trust that he admitted that he'd deliberately kept out certain things to protect my feelings. He basically gave me an edited story.

We were working on trust after this, I was really depressed honestly, it all came about just before xmas and it ruined the holiday season.

So, February 2022, this is the night I just can't get over. I've been really struggling with my thoughts and just keep getting flashbacks to it that put me on a real downer.

Im out with a mate, my bf is out with a mate. My mate goes home, my bf messages saying he's at a club. I message back saying I might be coming, but ill be alone as my mate's gone home. I don't hear anything back. It's midnight. I ring him once or twice, no answer. I walk to club alone and qeue outside for 10 minute, he never gets in touch with me, hasn't seen my messages, I pay £5 to get in. As soon as I walk in I see him on the bottom floor hand in hand with a girl twirling her around, they're both smiling and giggling, staring into each others eyes. I was mortofied and so embarrassed. I watched them for a minute, then walked up to them. There was no one even around them, it was an empty dancefloor except from them, they looked like a couple. As I walked up he looked like a deer in headlights, then starts trying to introduce me to her and she ran off.

He said I was ridiculous, tells me to shut the fuck up and rolls his eyes and mimics my facial expressions when I start crying. I say im going home and he says 'ill put u in a taxi'.

My brother and his mate had seen my bf out on a night our a few months prior, id gone home that night and he'd stayed out. He didn't even text to make sure I was home safe. But they saw him twice in 2 different bars chatting to girls. He was alone, so not wing-manning mates.

It all gets worse when my brother tells me his ex has been in touch and she was out with my bf on this same night after id gone home he was dancing with her for two hours and buying her drinks (something we had already agreed was a boundary) she said it was just the two of them, no friends present. She said nothing happened. A month later she changed her story and says he kissed her, she sent me this horrible video of them dancing very closely, their faces look like they are touching even though she says they didn't kiss in the video.

My bf has said he has a drug problem with coke and on all these instances was so out of it high and drunk he didn't think about what he was doing but is adamant he didn't kiss her.

I've thought about it all every single day since it happened. Im embarrassed when I see the mate he was with that night who comes in our pub all the time, it just brings it all back and I find myself thinking 'what does he know that I don't.' the first girl he was dancing with was his friend too and I've found her on Facebook and she's only 18, I keep picturing the look on her face and how embarrassed I was walking up to her and him, I worry about running into her.

Driving past the nightclubs where it happened bring back horrible memories and I can no longer go into my fave night club with my bf anymore. I don't listen to the band who's song was playing when I walked in to find then dancing. I don't want to dance with my partner anymore, I don't write birthday or anniversary posts anymore. It all just feels ruined. I don't know if there's anyway through this

We love each other and he's my best friend and in many ways aside from this it's my dream life, walks in the park, cooking, trips away together, exploring the world. We'd planned to go travelling for a year in Australia and get married when we get back. But I don't know if ill ever get over this, it's been like 7 months and it's just been the worst time of my life since it happened. Even the good memories feel tainted, this night follows me around like a cloud. When we first met we bonded over the bottom floor of the night club, the same floor they were dancing together on as it's the 'indie' floor and we bonded over the band who's song was playing, and one of our first dates was a double date with my brother and the ex. It all just feels ruined and my self esteem and trust is gone.

Since all this he hasn't been on a night out and his been on his best behaviour but it doesn't make the memories go away. Has anyone experienced anything like this and overcome it as a couple and made things work, on the other hand, has this been a deal breaker for some people if so, was it a good decision ?

TL;DR: partner has been dishonest and broken boundaries, I'm not sure if I need to let it all go and keep working on it, or move on and end it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AbsurdInDenial on 2023-08-18 14:54:04+00:00.

I (f21) and me boyfriend (f27) are colleagues and are living together since a past few months. We were great as frienda before the relationship and he was very mature, understanding, considerate, and he always helped me bring out my best self. But now, things have changed and he has become very controlling. He asks me to wear what he likes when going to work and when I say I'm not comfortable in it, he asks about his own comfort and and whether I'm not concerned about it. He also says that he is concerned about how men ( who mostly are pervs according to him) view me. Also, he asks me to cutoff people he dislikes and doesn't let me go to work on days when he is off-duty. He doesn't let me go on vacations with my girlfriends, saying that if I go and let him stay alone, then he will have to say yes to all the plans his friends make and we won't have time for eachother.

Yet, he makes amazing plans for our future and he does all these things because I'm just living in the moment and not considerate of our future and being selfish. And he says that he knows what he is doing is not the right things, but its just a phase and wants me help him and make things better. He says he is as helpless as I am. He needs time and he wants me to remain calm and composed when he is angry and out of control. And asks me to take control of us and guide our relationship. I don't know how to do it when he doesn't even let me step out without his permission. But i love him so much and I know we will have the best relationship when we are over this thing. How can I help us?

Tl;dr- Boyfriend is very much controlling but wants to get out of this phase and make things better. How can I help us?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mounahad on 2023-08-18 14:46:17+00:00.

Hello everyone, i'm writing here cuz i'm really lost and don't know what to believe or do anymore. So i've met this guy on bumble a month and half ago. We went of 8 or 9 dates already, all initiated by him, the first 4 dates we had were really fun but i was a bit confused cuz he never expressed any type of romantic interest towards me and i didn't know if he was interested in me romantically or was just hanging out with me as a friend.

During the 4th date he tried to kiss me when we were saying goodbye, i kinda froze because i wasn't expecting it and it didn't happen. When he got home he texted me saying that he didn't want to make me uncomfortable and that i'm a smart and funny girl and he wants to be more than just friends. I said that i was just surprised because he never verbally expressed interest in me begore trying to kiss me and that i'm not against the idea of being more than friends as long as we take time to get to know each other more and know what we're really looking for (cuz we never discussed this before).

We went on 4 other dates that just looked like the ones we had before, aka like 2 friends hanging out with each other except when he tries to have some physical contact with me while teasing me, but no direct flirting or direct "i like you" or direct compliments.

Now we haven't met for 2 weeks cuz i'm away from the city we live in and i'll be back in a week. But he seems so cold through texts. He always been a bad texter, like he used to text me 4 to 5 texts a day. But like now he barely responds any of my texts even though he's online several times a day. It takes him 24 hours to just respond to 1 text.

Plus those texts are really about random stuffs and nothing flirty or showing interest of whatever.

So i'm kinda confused because when we're face to face he seems quite interested and he always ask to meet again and go on another date. But lately through texting he isn't putting on any efforts at all and i don't know if i should just give it time or move on already cuz i don't feel like he's meeting my emotional needs.

Thank you for ur opinion in advance.

Tl;dr : i've met this guy on bumble and went to 8 or 9 dates with him already, he seems very interested when we're face to face. Now that i've been gone for 2 weeks, he seems so cold through texting and barely respond to my texts.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/wannaby_artist on 2023-08-18 14:21:09+00:00.

I have a really good friend I met many years ago and I can rarely meet due to distance. Some years ago, after spending some time togther only the two of us, I fell in love of her. It was the first time happening, and so far the unique, and I cannot describe how strong it was (I was never so much interested in a girl to actually do something to get engaged before). She said that she had always considered me a friend, if not her best friend, that she was sad if I misundestood some behaviour of her and moreover there is too much distance between us to actually think about that (the last parte it's true but it really seemed to me an excuse to avoid any objection). Anyway we managed to stay good friends, although every time I meet her I understand to have still strong feelings towards her and when I leave I'm really saddened. Now, since I guess it's quite difficult that she changed her feelings in the meanwhile nor the distance was reduced, I undestrand I need to move on but how? I fear I will never experience anymore such a feeling.

TLDR: I was rejected years ago by my best friend. She was the first and unique one I fell in love on and I want to move on but I fear I won't be able to experience the same feeling and so I fear to ask someone out (I have no previous relationships)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cornbreadyetis on 2023-08-18 14:18:42+00:00.

So this happened a couple of months ago and I just sort of brushed it off. I don't know why. I guess it shocked me that someone would even say what he said and my brain couldn't even process it so I just... forgot about it? I told my therapist about it a couple of weeks later and she could not wrap her head around it either.

For context, my grandfather (mom's dad) drank himself to death May 2022 following the death of his wife a few years prior. We weren't super close but it still hurt because I had no idea his alcoholism was so bad. My mom then died by suicide three months later (August 2022; almost a year now). My grandmother (mom's mom) died in the same manner about nine months after (May 2023); safe to say I've had a lot on my plate.

We had an argument one night about how he's not really there for me emotionally. He told me I "always need something" but when I asked for an example of my "needs", he could only bring up how I've asked for help around the house since he's been staying here. I know there's two sides to every story but I truly do not feel like I've required a lot of emotional labor from him. I hate crying about my mom and everything so I tend to bottle it up and let loose when I'm alone. Usually the emotional support I need comes from working a very stressful and overwhelming job in the social services field. But I digress.

A night or two after this argument, I'm cooking us dinner and I bring up how my mom's birthday is coming up in a week or so. And this man kinda chuckles and says "what kind of depressed you am I going to be dealing with that day?" I couldn't believe my ears. I don't even really remember what I said afterward but he ended up apologizing and saying he didn't mean anything by it and that he was just joking. I let it go, but it has been stuck in my head ever since. I've been embarrassed to tell anyone that I know personally and I didn't think about posting on Reddit until just now.

I honestly am not sure how I just brushed it off. I feel like an idiot, but now I feel like it's been so long since then that I can't really bring it up now. I'm just curious what everyone makes of this and if I should let it lie or bring it back up.

TL;DR My boyfriend joked about what state I may be in on my dead mother's upcoming birthday and for some reason I chose to do nothing about it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwrakeyspace on 2023-08-18 14:18:11+00:00.

I cannot share this information with family or friends as I am very private but was hoping for some genuine advice and a listening ear here on Reddit.

Over the past two years, my boyfriend has been grappling with intense pressure and stress due to his struggling business, which has resulted in a significant debt exceeding $500k. His stress has taken a toll on him, leading him to increase his outings for drinks with both his employees and friends, a shift from his usual behavior. Although we've shared an 8-year relationship, he has never been one to frequently drink or engage in clubbing, but lately, he's been using these outings as a way to decompress, often returning home drunk around 4 am. It’s been a few months now and he admitted his actions were wrong and has stopped and cut down on his drinking. However today I found a balloon and nozzle in his work trousers, while doing laundry and I think now he’s using balloons (almost like a laughing gas) during work hours. I'm torn about whether to confront him about this because I don’t want to be like a nagging mother. Although he doesn’t always admit it, I know he’s that struggling. I’m also wondering whether or not his close bond with his younger male employees are potentially influencing his behavior negatively.

I'm experiencing mixed emotions; on one hand, I can't help but feel some resentment and anger towards how stress seems to have weakened him. However, I'm also grappling with guilt for harboring these feelings, understanding the extent of his struggles.

As we share a living space, it's so hard to witness someone I deeply care about facing such difficulties while keeping me emotionally distant. How can I best navigate this challenging situation?

TL;DR: boyfriend is in serious debt which has caused him immense pressure and stress. He is now behaving out of character idk what to do

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Physical-Ad-2728 on 2023-08-18 14:14:08+00:00.

I (21f) had been seeing a guy (21m) for a while and we were sort of casual, sort of serious. I am not sure I can classify this as an infidelity since I think i caught it as soon as it was starting, but here it goes.

I had a feeling he was having contact with a friend in common (more than what would be “normal”) because when I would mention her, he would seem a little too interested. She was more my friend than his and he didn’t see her much unless we all went out together, but I started noticing things. I asked him about it through text one morning, and told him it made me a bit uncomfortable. He said nothing was going on and that I was making a big deal out of it.

Later that day he received a text from her while I was looking at something on his phone and quickly reached for his phone and acted as if he was sooo confused. We talked about it and i found out he had been texting her for a while and had been hiding it from me, and even lied when said he had no contact with her (when he got the text he said it was the first time she reached out to him). The more we talked, I realized he kept lying since I kept catching him in the lies. Eventually I was able to read the messages and he was joking around inappropriately and involving himself too much with her. I even noticed that he was texting her at the same time I was telling him his interactions with her made me feel weird. He said she was just a friend but I didn’t understand why he had to lie about it and hide it if it was just that. The lie truly hurt, I felt betrayed.

At first he kept defending her saying that she would just reach out to tell him about her problems and that they were just friends and that she had been a good friend and they were barely reconnecting. I explained how everything made me feel but he was super harsh and thought he did nothing wrong by lying and all the secrecy.

We agreed that he would have no contact with her if this was going to get fixed because I couldn’t really trust him. He then shifted to saying that he does not want her in his life anymore and he doesn’t care about her, that he doesn’t even want to hear her name and that she wasn’t even important to him(a very weird shift considering he was defending their friendship before).

I stayed because he eventually admitted he was wrong and apologized and told me he loved me. I stayed to see if he would put in the effort to fix everything, if we could go back to how everything was at first. We would argue when I wanted to talk about it and he said he didn’t want to since he felt guilty and like a horrible person. Recently he told me that it was best for us to just be friends and end everything. That he needed to find himself again and become a better person but basically saying he wanted nothing to do with me romantically and just wanted to be friends. He promised he wanted to fix everything and all of the sudden… we should be friends.

I’m so confused because he kept telling me he loved me and he wanted to fix everything and win me back so that we could be together and happy again. I stayed because he wanted to do that and so did I. I feel like I was left alone with my pain, like he just left me here and everything changed from one day to the other, like he did all this and promised to be here… but at the end, he removed himself from the entire situation and now I’m just in this mess alone.

tl;dr Discovered the guy I had been dating texting a friend in a flirty way. He hid it and lied about it. Later on he apologized and promised he loved me and wanted to fix things to be with me but at the end decided it was best for us to just be friends.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yagirlhunter on 2023-08-18 14:12:59+00:00.

My BIL’s (22M) gf (24F) says I (29F) never wished her happy birthday, never reached out when her adoptive dad died (I did both of these things), threatened to remove me from the family group chat and said she would tell everyone what I did, framing it like I’m a monster, saying I showed my true colors. For reference, I’ve been married into the family 5.5 years and she’s been dating my BIL for about 3 years with no further commitment- he says “she’s just my girlfriend” whenever my husband brings this issue up to him. She is extremely charming in the family group chat but won’t txt me outside of it even to answer a simple question about dietary restrictions for a family potluck this upcoming Sunday. I understand that but feel like she’s setting herself up to only be seen as nice by the family by doing this. This started a couple months ago. Since then we’ve seen her once and she didn’t acknowledge us at all even though she said she would be civil. Civil to my husband (26M) and I is at least just acknowledging someone’s presence with a hello.

She’s trying to convince the family she’s an angel but doesn’t know we’ve told the in-laws everything. They’re extremely non-confrontational and my BIL won’t say anything except that “it’s her issue to deal with and it doesn’t affect his relationship with us at all”. He doesn’t see how it’s causing issues for the family. My own husband feels like he can’t just txt his brother anymore and he’s afraid they’ll eventually get married and he’ll never know his nieces or nephews because she won’t allow us to meet them or know about them.

We see them this Sunday at the potluck and my husband wants to keep ignoring her, but I want to be the bigger person and move forward. Don’t be her friend but say hi when they arrive and that’s it. If anything, it’ll get under her skin.

Any tips would be great! Trying to be adult about this and realize she has no power over me. The family loves me and know she has a rough family past. She’s also very pro-cutting people out of your life. The day I met her, I mentioned something to another family member my dad said but it wasn’t anything bad at all. She immediately told me I needed to cut my dad out of my life. I remember thinking how outlandish it was based on the comment (I can’t recall what it was now). She has cut off all of her family but her sister and she stopped talking to her once she moved across the country because she was mad at her for leaving her.

Thank you!

TL;DR: my BIL’s gf is trying to act one way with the family but another way with my husband and I after she cut me off for supposedly not wishing her happy birthday or asking how she was after her adoptive dad died. She acts one way with us in the family group chat and with us acts another way. We don’t acknowledge her but don’t want to keep giving her power over us in any way. What can we do?