this post was submitted on 25 Apr 2024
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Can I Put it in my Ass? (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

This was a team effort.

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[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 year ago (1 children)

this is a quantum leap in the field of dildonics

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (4 children)

The biggest step forward since the invention of teledildonics

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Rather a small step for microdildonics, though

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[–] [email protected] 69 points 1 year ago (6 children)

If I fill my ass with Helium, will my farts sound even funnier?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

If you use hydrogen it sounds funny and makes a great show when lighting the fart.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Literally yes. Then do nitrous oxide. And then sulphur hexaflouride.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Brrrraaaappp

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

You're looking at a billion view tiktok idea here! Also, huge missed opportunity by the Jackass crew.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

It will become the new Skibidi

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You know magnesium can ignite with exposure to moisture yes?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'll need to see a video of it igniting without an oxygen providing intermediary - haven't been able to find one.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

So ok if you don't fart/queef?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What is the methane to oxygen ratio of a fart?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Varies relative to the cheese To taco ratio within the past 48h.

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

make nickel yellow (some people are allergic) osmium will be probably covered by layer of toxic tetroxide, cadmium and tellurium are also decently toxic

e: i misremembered, but you still don't want to be around tellurium:

Humans exposed to as little as 0.01 mg/m3 or less in air exude a foul garlic-like odor known as "tellurium breath".[23][91] This is caused by the body converting tellurium from any oxidation state to dimethyl telluride, (CH3)2Te, a volatile compound with a pungent garlic-like smell. Volunteers given 15 mg of tellurium still had this characteristic smell on their breath eight months later. In laboratories, this odor makes it possible to discern which scientists are responsible for tellurium chemistry, and even which books they have handled in the past.[92]

selenium is a bit similar in this aspect

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (7 children)

why is cerium yellow but other lantanides green, technetium is cheaper than you think (fission product) but it's also radioactive

plutonium and americium, and maybe uranium also should be blue, CIA would anal probe you for less

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'd love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I'm curious about some of them.

Are all the gasses dangerous because they'd have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

That's great! because a surprising amount of research was done (way more than anticipated). You will learn some crazy things by studying this. All elements are in solid form at STP so for the gasses that's in the range of -200 C. Someone suggested doing a version with liquid and gas enemas but you know? I'm just not that dedicated (yet)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My first thought was "why is nitrogen dangerous?" but I was thinking about it at room temperature or around 20C.

I know about decompression sickness (the bends) but I wouldn't expect that to be a problem at 1 atmosphere. Then I stumbled upon isobaric counterdiffusion and I wondered if that could happen from pumping any pure gas into the rectum at atmospheric pressure, since it'd be at a higher partial pressure than any gas in the tissue.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Yeah I think gasses in the rectum have several severe issues that liquids don't have. Mostly because liquids don't exert pressure. Could get pretty in-depth.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Going in deep, you say

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Here's some interesting ones that I don't think anyone's asked yet so far

The two CIA ones? Only elements with an unenriched isotope that can reach critical mass (and don't instantly disappear). You'd need only a few dildos to make a nuclear bomb. The anal probe and CIA disappearing is literal.

Borat is in this diagram

Starting with Potassium the Alkalis become basically explosive to water and get progressively more reactive. If you haven't covered it yet this is because their valence shells get weaker the heavier you go.

Hydrogen and Helium so far basically cannot exist in solid form at STP in any appreciable amount.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Suggested update, Silicon is a picture of Obi-Wan saying “That’s why I’m here”

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Chad behaviour

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

I cannot believe just how much time I spent looking at this .. for .. science.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

It's not called ARSEnic for nothing

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

This assumes the dildo must be solid. I think as scientists we need to think outside the box (and ass)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Indeed. So if we go with every element at STP it's pretty boring. All the gasses just become green except flourine and there's some minute changes. I felt this way was more interesting and would get people asking more questions.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Please make sure they're flared!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Damn imagine putting mercury up there. I don't think your sphincter could hold it

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

If the dildo were chilled to -40°...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But then your body heat would slowly melt it and lube yourself with heavy poison

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Honestly, there are worse ways to go.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Like trying to get an abortion in a red state?

Heyooo!!!

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

This should definitely be its own website. High-res when? 😋

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Missing a few more "hello there"s, unless this is what floats your boat:

a 12in diameter, 2m long Crystal of silicon (not silicone), made for semiconductor manufacturing

(Human for scale)

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

So... you're saying it's okay to put uranium in my ass but not oxygen ??

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Uranium is fine, but oxygen is going too far, got it

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Natural (unenriched) uranium isn't especially radioactive and while there is plenty of exciting chemistry that could happen, none of it would be quite as immediately exciting as what would happen if you tried to freeze oxygen solid enough to make a dildo

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Uranium will give you heavy metal poisoning worse than lead, however

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'll add it to the potential update list. Lead used to be green and then somebody convinced me to make it yellow and yeah..

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

I'm learning more about the elements here in a meme comment thread than I think I did in school over a decade ago.

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