this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2024
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I'm a dude, but I frequently browse BadWomansAnatomy. I was having a (calm, respectful) debate with a few users regarding how a lot of people that have "transitioned" still bear hallmarks of their former gender (I mentioned one of my long time friends who has gone from MTF and still looks the same. Kaitlin and Elliot are also good examples). The ban was because I dared to use the "dead names" of Elliot Page and Kaitlin Jenner! Oh the horror! 😱

I went to post in /r/rant how I just thought it was ridiculous and it was autoremoved because I mentioned the world "mod" in the title and I mentioned a specific community 🤣

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yeah no you brought that shit on yourself.

  • First of all, trans women actually show lower T levels than cis women because they're literally taking medicine that blocks its production, and yes, cis women do produce testosterone too, just not from testicles. So whatever nonse you think you're able to clock trans women with, you're probably accusing cis women and being a real douche about it too.

  • Second, dead naming is genuinely just a dick thing to do even outside the presence of the person in question, because you're fundamentally saying that you care so little for someone that you're not even going to respect their preferred form of being addressed, which like, why would ya go out of your way to be that asshole. You're being that guy who insists on calling Tim Timothy all the time, why would you be doing that except to get under Tim's skin? Stop being that guy and just call him Tim like a normal person who doesn't need to have basic manners and zero effort good human behavior explained to them.

  • Third, so you're admitting outright you broke community rules and are still thinking the post in question being removed is unfair? I'm not normally a fan of powermodding but bro that's not an excuse to be mad that you faced consequences for breaking the rules in broad daylight.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I can understand calling someone their dead name to their face, I never call my friend Sarah Andrew, because I respect her wishes. These are celebrities that are definitely not going to see this and people are getting pissed off about me referring to someone else. Respect is earned, not given freely. I don't give a fuck if it's Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt or Kaitlyn Jenner. It's like me referring to John Wayne (the actor) as Marion Morrison (his real name) and people flipping shit. Get a fucking grip people.

Hate speech is one thing, but apparently differing opinions aren't welcomed though, regardless of how they're stated.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Ok but it's not like that. John Wayne is a stage name, you're arguing against referring to trans people by their adopted legal name. It's still being a dick, yes even if you swear that you totally have trans friends.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (4 children)

I mean, did you intend to dead name them? If not, did you correct yourself?

Because if you did it intentionally, you're an asshole. If you did it by mistake because you brain farted, but didn't correct it, you're an asshole. You did use the right names here, so I ain't mad. But let me frame things for you.

If you went through the effort of changing what people call you from your first name to your middle name, anyone refusing to switch would be an asshole. Doing it if you were struggling with something major related to that name would make them a giant asshole.

IDGAF who it is, if they aren't picking a name just to fuck with people, you fucking call them what they want to be called, period. Anything else is just douchebaggery.

Now, when you add in that dead naming trans people can be an act of aggressive verbal attack to trans people as a whole, the person doing so isn't just an asshole, they're a bigoted asshole.

Is that who you want to be? The person that fucks with people just trying their best to live a free and happy life? If that is who you want to be, I have to warn you that reddit is not the only place online you'll end up barred from. And there are people that will treat you poorly because of being an asshole. Actions have consequences, and words can be a form of action. While I support your freedom to say what you want within the framework of general legality regarding incitement, that doesn't mean anyone has to accept that kind of thing and let you spew nastiness.

So, take the ban like an adult. Accept that you fucked up enough for the community, and use that in the future to really think about the subject and decide who you want to be.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (2 children)

So, take the ban like an adult. Accept that you fucked up enough for the community, and use that in the future to really think about the subject and decide who you want to be.

I see this patronizing, judgmental language everywhere on the internet, and I'm pretty tired of it. OP is right to be annoyed.

Here's an intelligent question: Why is R*ddit a place where every little infraction, real and perceived, attracts the account death penalty?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

I literally just got permanbanned from BadWomansAnatomy because I made a joke comment saying "as a guy, I appreciate the change" when a woman said she switched from jeans to yoga pants as her daily clothing. My account is 11 years old, I have only ever been banned from two subs, up until about a few days ago when I have received two warnings (one on my main account and one one my porn account) a temp ban, and now a permaban.

The IPO has really made them super heavy handed in controlling what is "acceptable" because they gotta keep that money flowing and keep the board happy!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Well, if you are seriously defending someone dead naming people on purpose, nobody worth a damn cares about your opinion.

To answer your question, there's two parts. First, it doesn't matter where it is, shitty behavior means you aren't allowed back. Reddit, lemmy, your house, my house, a bar, you ignore yr rules you get thrown out and not allowed back in.

Second, reddit is reddit. The site/company has been like that for ages, so anyone acting surprised by it are idiots, and anyone still using it when the company has repeatedly shown they will do exactly what op described is a masochist and/or an idiot.

Now, you can be as tired of it as you like, we don't owe each other a gods damned thing. But OP was a moron, and deserved to be out on their ass. Any rational adult is aware that words have consequences. Any rational adult knows that if one breaks the rules of a community, one will be rejected from that community. This is not calculus, it's 2+2. So, when an adult does something bone headed and gets ejected, they need to be an adult and move on without whining about it.

Also, it wasn't a very intelligent question. It was phrased poorly, and reflects limited thinking. That, btw, is patronizing and judgemental as well ;)

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago

Maybe just don't use the dead names?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (4 children)

Yeah, Lemmy is way more politically left than Reddit, this post isn't going to last very long here.

Like, the average Lemmy user is a Linux Obsessed Trans Communist that works in IT. Any user that is outside of that is most likely a minority on Lemmy. If you thought Lemmy was going to be less politically charged, I am sorry to say you won't be finding less politics here than on Reddit.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Lemmy has zero chill even if you are a leftist, it's like zero fun to post here, I tend to just lurk

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I think whats frustrating is that when the Great Migration was happening from Reddit, people telling Redditors to go to Lemmy were advertising it like a place that was more politically neutral than Reddit. So when people come over expecting that kind of community only to realize they were lied to, that makes it very frustrating.

I know thats what happened to me when I first learned about Lemmy, and it was not fun. I don't post political stuff, but I thought I wasn't going to keep seeing it everywhere. My feed is like a ghost town now though, because I just instantly ban communities or users I see posting that stuff. I don't care, I don't want to see it. Yall can talk about it without me.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Same thing happened on my old account, no content after blocked everything that annoys me. Don't want to hear about how much you hate cars in every single thread, it's boring

Other problem is no matter what you post it gets downvoted, and that's why when I get access to reddit again I'll bail on lemmy because there's no chance of it growing. This is like leftist 4chan and it's tiresome to post here; never going to get new people this way

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Honestly you hit the nail on the head with the "leftist 4chan" bit. I'm not someone who chases up votes or anything, but I do like when I see my comments resonate with other people and get the "agreement vote." That doesn't happen here.

Especially in the gaming communities of Lemmy the users are so hateful towards literally any upcoming "AAA+" game that gets posted about. Like you can't even say you think something looks fun without a bunch of people just coming to downvote you or give you shit for daring to announce that you're excited for something new.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Traditional progressive. Wut?

Boy you're so ideologically confused.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

the average Lemmy user is a Linux Obsessed Trans Communist that works in IT

Come on. Stop exaggerating. First of all surely that has to at least be limited to certain communities. Secondly, how can the "average" person be such an extreme? Like, what are the outliers in that sample data?!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I've seen some pretty hard right trolls on here since joining up. Not many, but a few.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

But are they also trans and Linux-obsessed working in IT?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This community is on .world, we'll see

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I mean more that it was going to get downvoted and OP might delete it themselves, I wasn't really talking about moderation in this particular community, which does a pretty good job from what I have seen.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yeah downvoting doesn't help change someone's opinion it just makes them angry lol, that's why lemmy will die

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I personally hide downvotes for this reason

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Yeah it helps but it's not set by default which is my main criticism, newcomers do not stick around here

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

From version 0.19.4, yes.

Your instance isn't there yet, hopefully in the coming weeks.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Like, the average Lemmy user is a Linux Obsessed Trans Communist that works in IT.

Wasn't reddit similar but insane and toxic people

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I've seen a few toxic profiles on Lemmy so far

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

It's not really any better here, you are already being mass downvoted for this valid criticism

Censorship here is worse than reddit I think even, I ragequit deleted my lemmy account a whille ago and I'm only back because I can't use reddit. Lol. I will probably just evade the ban after my ISP gives me a new ip

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Valid criticism? Using deadnames and putting “transitioned” sure ok.

Also hard to say they are being censored when you know, downvotes aren't censorship. You might be anle to say what you want but that has consequences. Kinda sounds a little like op might have earned their ‘downvotes to oblivion’ or whatever

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Oh by censorship I mean the amount of mild comments I had removed on my old account here

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Yeah because you were being a dick.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

God forbid someone says something out of line and have a differing opinion!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Not the point, but sure if you want to understand it that way, you're free to do so. 🤷

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

The point is people are allowed to say something non politically correct and not be crucified for it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

But they're not being crucified. They're just being either down voted, or in the case of being banned, well, that's a website's owner deciding they don't want to see this on their private property.

Just like you are free to on yours, BTW.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

"Crucified" was pretty obvious hyperbole...

Also a website is not "private property" and mods aren't "owners".

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Also a website is not “private property”

Oh? So if I run the website and pay for the servers and all, I can't just shut it down? Not my choice?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

You definitely can't shut down their server at your request 🤣

You can cancel your service.

That's also not the definition of private property.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

You definitely can’t shut down their server at your request 🤣

Sure can, it's under the guest bed.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Censorship because you are offended is the fall of society

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

No it just means you were a dick so someone kicked you off their private property for it. That's their right, isn't it?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

God forbid people use technical/biological terms that have been in use for decades! Oh the horror 😱 People seriously need to get a fucking grip if they can't handle the word "transitioned" or referring to a third person as their dead name.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Now you're just being disingenuous. Its not because you used transitioned, you used “transitioned”, and calling people by… their deadname? Come on, take the L and admit you don't care about or respect trans people.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I was referring to their former and current selves, which is the reason I used both names. Would you refer to Bruce as Kaitlyn? How is that any less fucked up? Am I supposed to beat around the bush and say "when Kaitlyn was a man" just so I don't anger the transgender community for daring to use their former name?

Also, stop assuming you think you know what I care about, that just makes you look like an asshole. I was hanging out with multiple people for hours last night that are members of the LGBTQIA+ community...so kindly shut the fuck up 😉

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

I was just permanbanned from BWA because I dared to make a joke comment saying "as a man I appreciate the change" when a woman said she switched from jeans to yoga pants as her daily wear 😂

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Remember what lemmy users say of the people on reddit that they tried to get away from by coming to the fediverse? It's you, you are that people.

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