this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 115 points 8 months ago (2 children)

If God is real he'd have let me stay illiterate

[–] [email protected] 49 points 8 months ago (1 children)

God doesn't come around these parts

[–] [email protected] 37 points 8 months ago

I do. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–] [email protected] 18 points 8 months ago

God is infinitely groovy and infinitely funky, but the Bible forgot to tell you that he is also infinitely getting dividends from his shares of Penguin Books, so he has a stake in this.

[–] [email protected] 86 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Fake but at least it isn't gay.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

touches tits

has a seizure because of that

Gay AF. His body rejected a girl.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Anon is femanon, very gay indeed.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago

No such thing

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

There are no women on the internet bud.

[–] [email protected] 85 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Lucid dream rookie! If the lucid dream happens, and you're in the same place you fell asleep, well actually if that happens the majority of the time it will become a sleep paralysis episode. But, if it isn't, always teleport yourself the fuck away from the location.

Ain't no way you want to risk that you're too close to being awake (or in this case not asleep at all). I'd wager anon fell asleep, woke up but was having a hypnopompic hallucination, and that explains the text on the board.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I just assumed he was in some foreign language class.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Easiest way to know if you're lucid dreaming is to try some magic abilities. I usually try flying out of the window from room I were. This hasn't failed me yet. And anon definitely wouldn't get into this awkward situation with this either.

(only half of this is a joke)

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Until you jump out of the window and land face first on concrete

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Thats why you just levitate a meter or so from the floor

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

i prefer shitting to the moon

[–] [email protected] 32 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Meh, He should have done a reality check in the first place before doing anything

[–] [email protected] 31 points 8 months ago

He did. It was just a poor choice of reality check.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 8 months ago

This would've gone a lot better if anon simply apologised and explained that he was half-asleep. But no, they just had to make it more akward.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago

At least Anon got to feel a boob. It might be a while.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (7 children)

Do people seriously conciously fantasize about taking part in erotic acts with real people (especially ones they have feelings for)? It seems extremely disrespectful to me. (if the involved parties are in a relationship it's probably OK)

[–] [email protected] 46 points 8 months ago (1 children)

If they didn't, you probably wouldn't be here.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago (1 children)

But it's probably ok if the two are in a relationship. So maybe the sexual fantasies of their awful parents were legal.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

No, sex gross, make it all illegal please. We have the technology, only synthetic crotch goblins from now on.

We need a literal horny jail, and enforcers with clubs.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 8 months ago (5 children)

Do people seriously conciously fantasize about taking part in erotic acts with real people (especially ones they have feelings for)?

Yes.

I kinda get the disrespect perspective, maybe. I felt that a little as a teen. But then I thought it probably wasn't respectful treating my crush in my mind like a sort of sexless statue or object rather than a real human being that I was in love with and wanted to have sex with.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 8 months ago (1 children)

How do people like you survive?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Barely, though I doubt that has anything to do with me not fantasizing about people I know/like.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 8 months ago

What happens in other people’s heads is not my business. Even if the imagined protagonist looks and acts like me, they’re not and I don’t have a single stake in it.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 8 months ago (2 children)

real people

Ew

I only consciously fantasise about people who don't exist.

Sometimes they aren't even people, they could be abstract concepts, like a time format, or a plan.

Sometimes I even fantasise about concepts of a plan.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Seems like a good way of going about it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (2 children)

What exactly are you fantasizing about time formats?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Just thinking about how kinky it is that they're subservient to us. We tell them "no, you slutty little time zone, it's cold now, so we're gonna move the small hand back, and if you're good, we'll let you come an hour earlier in six months"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

I see. Very interesting, very interesting indeed.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Or a real pervert who is into that American date format abomination.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago

I only started to fantasize about my wife after we'd got married. We haven't had sex yet though. Penetrating a real person would be disrespectful.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (2 children)

?

(The > which indicates quote in markdown confuses me as I didn't mention erotic arts)

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

Imagine if this was real. Funny af