You guys should try a bidet...
this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2025
321 points (100.0% liked)
Bikini Bottom Twitter
4052 readers
60 users here now
Ahoy, me buckos! Welcome to Bikini Bottom Twitter! Your digital reef for the latest salty gossip and treasure tales! And while you're at it, be sure to drop by the Krusty Krab for a delicious Krabby Patty so I can get yer mon- err I mean, 'cause they're the best treat under the sea!
Rule 1 - This is Bikini Bottom Twitter, all posts should be Spongebob related in "(Old-School) Twitter-like" form
Rule 2 - Political posts, as long as it follows rule 1, will be permitted, so long as you behave yourselves.
Bikini Bottom Municipal Code §33-07: Anti-Tankie Ordinance Residents are prohibited from circulating tankie ideology or other authoritarian propaganda on Bikini Bottom Twitter. Offenders will be permanently banned from BPT by the BBPD faster than Plankton is ejected from The Krusty Krab.
Rule 3 - Please no reposts within the last couple days, at least
Rule 4 - All posts should be at least above a "Squirdward-krusty-krab-shift" level of effort
Rule 5 - Be chill, be a Patrick not a squidward.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Can confirm. I don't have this problem now that I have a bidet.
I feel like my bits are ALWAYS CLEAN now, unless I poo away from home. It’s incredible. My partner and I have gotten REEEEAL lax on showering on weeks we both work from home…
Want to stop shitting? Click here to read about this one weird trick
North Americans are not ready for this. Showed a neighbour my bidet when they toured my house and they were absolutely appalled by the bidet attachment.
“How unsanitary! Shit just flown around everywhere! I wouldn’t want that dirty water anywhere near me. I’ll stick to my toilet paper thank you very much “
Do people think a bidet is using the water from the toilet bowl instead of fresh water?
Absolutely 100%. I tried explaining that the water inlet to the toilet diverges and is used to supply the bidet attachment but they weren’t having any of it.
To be honest though, growing up I was taught this too. That bidet is super unhygienic because you wash your ass with shit water. Remember seeing a charmin commercial too and it was like “bidet? Let’s join the 21st century!” Or something like that. I was like 6 🤷
I will when they invent one that sprays soapy water. Washing your ass without soap is like washing your hands without soap. I rather just hop in the shower and use the detachable sprayer head.
I must admit that i often donwash my hands with no soap. Its still better than not washing and in regard to the bidet, water is still a lot better than paper.
You could always keep a hands free soap dispenser at hand though
Technically this wouldn't be that hard to do you could get one of those garden hose soap attachments and attach it to the water hose for the bidet and simply fill it with whatever body hand soap whatever you want.
And you would be able to toggle the soap on and off on the little bottle I kind of want to try this with mine now
just shit in the bidet
Can confirm, after shower shit is the absolute best with a bidet shower thingy.
Wait, you don't poop first?
Wait, you don't poop during?
I waffle stomp all the time
I have a pre-existing injury that causes lots of pain in lots of contexts.
I've found that, especially recently, using the toilet greatly enhances the pain, sometimes to debilitating levels. Now I have to decide whether to use the toilet then shower, leaving me feeling clean but down for the count; or to use the shower then the toilet, leaving me at lower pain levels but feeling gross all day.
Neither seems like a good option. The best option I've found is to use the toilet, clean myself as best I'm able, lay down for a while, then shower; however, it can be hard to fit this in a work day or any day when I have obligations.
Now you know a bit more about me. It's your fault, you asked.
Spend $30 and buy a bidet attachment off of amazon you deserve better than your current painful poo regime.
While I appreciate that, I have a bidet. The source of my pain is the physical act of sitting in that position, rather than anything specifically related to the act or cleanup.
I've considered getting a squatty potty (or equivalent stool (heh)), but I'm not sure if that would make things better or worse.
We gotta design you a standing toilet or something
Haha, I don't think I've discussed my toilet habits as extensively with a stranger before.
The injury I mentioned was to one of my legs, which unfortunately means that prolonged standing also hurts. If something to change the position in which I sit doesn't help, my next step will be to replace the toilet with one with different ergonomics.
I do appreciate the thought!
edit: relieve/replace
🎼 Shit on the floor 🎵
🎼 It's time to get Schwifty 🎵
Dealing with this right now. I feel like I need to shower again.
God damn, eat some fiber!