this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2025

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447

They're here to save your soul (lemmynsfw.com)

submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 177 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Nah. They're shopping for a third.

[–] [email protected] 84 points 5 days ago (2 children)

More specifically, a handmaid.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 days ago (3 children)

What type of... handjobs?

[–] [email protected] 43 points 5 days ago

The kind of jobs where you use your hands to do all of their housework for them for free while bearing the husband's children.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

...may the lord open

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 days ago

Blessed be the fruit.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 days ago

Nah, they're Mormons. They're actually this crazy

[–] [email protected] 51 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Ah yes because Jesus was known for his condescending, judgmental attitudes against others.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago (6 children)

Is Jesus God? Because God had some pretty shitty things to say about women and gay folk. 🤷‍♂️

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (5 children)

Can bukake be used as a baptism if it happens in a church?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Now there's a new sentence (probably)

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

Thank you, Internet.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago (3 children)

The church I grew up believed in immersion, not sprinkling. It's not a no, but it's gonna be more difficult.

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[–] [email protected] 105 points 5 days ago (6 children)

Spencer definitely wants to film his wife being nailed by another man

[–] [email protected] 62 points 5 days ago (1 children)

He wants to be the one to jump on the bed.

[–] [email protected] 57 points 5 days ago

We can only assume that if soaking isn't premarital sex, then it can't be extramarital sex either.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 days ago

Good for Spencer.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 days ago

The sound like the second most insufferable couple ever, right after the couple that is going through a very public breakup right now.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 5 days ago (4 children)

my partner and I did some butthole fingering at midnight up against a church the year we started dating

we’ve been together for 13 years

thank you jesus

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[–] [email protected] 64 points 5 days ago (3 children)

I'll go to your church, you come to my orgy. Fair is fair, right?

[–] [email protected] 47 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Imagine the uproar if you went to a church and said "you're so prudish, you need to fuck more, come to Tinder."

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 days ago

Joseph Smith: "No need to make them exclusive."

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Oh sweet summer child.

The church IS the orgy. Now here, have some Kool aid, we're going to see the face of God together.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 days ago

Cum with us!

[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Weird way of looking for a threesome with another threesome but okay.

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 5 days ago (1 children)

If I saw this in the wild, I'd immediately hire the most attractive single person I could find to reply to this ad, go to church with them, and low-key try to have sex with either/both of them on the side

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I've found Bible Satan.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 days ago

No thanks, Satan gave me a good deal for mine.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Would. Both of them.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I'm willing to go to church on her, not interested in the guy though

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Give him a chance. He just wants to watch.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago

As long as you only soak it, he won't be able to object.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 days ago (1 children)

*this is a real offer to cum with us!!

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 5 days ago (6 children)

But you guys will put out after Church, right?

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

i dont care if you call him "little extra jesus", spencer, PUT HIM AWAY IN CHURCH

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Disgusting.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I've got nothing against their kind per se, but do they have to shove it down our throats?