A man with such a glorious mustache can't lose.

Explanation: Shapur I was the Shahanshah ('King of Kings') of Sassanid Persia during the mid-3rd century AD. He won not one, but three wars against Rome, contributing to the destabilization of the Empire, and earning everlasting glory for himself and his own reign. He went so far as to capture a Roman Emperor, Valerian, even, supposedly using him as a footstool to mount his horse with.

Even as a Romaboo, I have to admit, that's some pretty impressive success and subsequent mogging.