this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2023
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The Onion

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GAZA CITY, GAZA—Following conflicting accounts of a horrific attack on a Gaza hospital, officials from the Israeli Defense Forces released a new statement Wednesday that claimed it was you, the reader of this very article, who committed the act of terror.

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[–] [email protected] 246 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Damn the Onion is on fire lately.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 years ago (1 children)

And all it took was a human catastrophe.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago

Crazy-laugh-cry

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[–] [email protected] 145 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I suspected me all along. The signs were all there.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yeah yeah tell it to the Judge

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Pack it up boys, we got him.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

It was me all along??

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I am disgusted by my actions.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Before we start this thread can we all agree to condemn your actions?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

I am ashamed of my words and deeds.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 54 points 2 years ago

We've been trying to reach you about your hospital's extended warranty...

[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 years ago

Thank god I didn’t read the article.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 years ago

you're not you when you're hungry

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Man, that guy that got mad about a joke that called him dense regarding this topic is going to be pissed about this.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 years ago

You have me as a reference when you apply to The Onion.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 years ago

they are not wrong, it's your tax money being used there

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 years ago

What if the real treasure is the hospitals we bombed along the way?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Dogyote you are under arrest for crimes against humanity

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 years ago

I’m sure I had a good reason

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 years ago

Ahh shit, got found out. Time to run

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 years ago

Woopsie doodles

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 years ago

I knew it, it was the Ambien

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Guess I am banned from leaving my house then

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 years ago

Haha! I am pacifist and I did not open the link!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

Shit, they caught me!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

Yeah? So? What's the big deal?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It was a parking lot fire. No hospital blew up. The propaganda has to stop.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago

Yeah, I don't agree with what Israel is doing in Gaza and am under no illusions that the IDF doesn't do bad things, but the evidence just doesn't back up the "hospital airstrike with 500 dead" claims. Footage shows a rocket fired from inside Gaza misfiring and landing in a parking lot next to the hospital. The geolocation of the footage has been verified. The visible damage is burned up cars in a parking lot. The actual hospital wasn't hit by anything and the damage is way more consistent with burning rocket fuel than a high explosive detonation, which would have left a massive crater where the parking lot used to be.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 years ago (8 children)

Genuine question - 500 people died, right? Did that actually happen, and was it a result of this?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 years ago

500 would be an insane death toll even for an actual JDAM strike on a building. Currently, however, nothing indcates that this was an Israeli strike. Their bombs are massive compared to the ones Hamas is using. The parking lot which the rocket hit is barely damaged except for the damage caused by fire. If it was Israeli bomb there would be a massive crater on the ground. There is some DISTURBING NSFL FOOTAGE that seems to indicate, that there indeed was several casualties in that strike but I'd guess we're more like talking of tens, not hundreds of dead.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago

Most probably that many people did not die.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

It's a lie. 500 people didn't die because of that. Propaganda.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

No. The number of people dying was almost certainly smaller.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

I would have hit the hospital directly not just the parking lot, i can aim.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

who do I turn myself into?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Its not over till it's over.

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