Ask Lemmy

"Be the change you want to see in the world." "If not me the who, if not now then when."

"Either I get over it, get through it, or I have to learn to live with it"

Face your fear. Do you feel scared to do something? That's totally valid and understandable. Do it scared. My point is, don't ignore the feelings. Acknowledge the feelings, then do it anyway.

I think part of being a man is not caring what other men define your manliness as.

If you have an idea that "manning up" involves some change in machismo, I think that might be a little toxic. But, if in not caring that your behavior made other men think about, caused friction, and was then interpreted as machismo, that's better in my book.

If you like the sense of machismo and that phrase helps you as an imaginative aid, then why not. But I think it can be more constructive if you can interpret manliness independent from machismo

"If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth doing"

It's not useful as a punchy slogan, but in periods of duress I try to step outside my feelings to evaluate my goals and reactions, and then when I have done that analysis I visualize myself doing a kind of DBZ power up sequence, but kind of defensively oriented. It sounds ridiculous and I am explaining it really poorly but it seems to help

Let's roll.

I worked with a stunt coordinator once who told one of his guys that he was going to drop him, lying parallel to the ground, from the ceiling. He wouldn’t be able to brace his fall (as he was supposed to be dead), so he told his guy he’d just have to “cowboy up.” Not sure that’s a better phrase, but it’s got more color.

Take the hit

Monkey Up

As a self-encouragement strategy, I agree, and often use the same trick.

maximum effort

time to nut up or shut up

never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.

There’s a bunch of colloquialisms that express roughly the same thing, as others have mentioned - take your pick.

Only a yank could decide that basic human survival instinct and the only reason we're all here today is RiGHt wINg fuuuuckin hell 😂

So far my favorite is "Rise up".

Activating survival mode

Some variation of, "Well... Looks like today is my turn to be the adult," is usually what I say to myself when there's some necessary but unpleasant task that I have to take care of.

Don't be such a pussy, pussy, You a damn pussy.

https://youtu.be/DgvGIjzRMWk?si=cqjLrlnM-vxovWCD

While I don't have an exact answer for you I do have two rules that I try to live by that had helped me deal with being an adult:

1. To be an adult, you only need to know when it is apropriate to be childish. - This implies a shitload of stuff, it implies that you know what being childish means, as well as being able to read a situation. I treat it as a reminder that it is ok to keep playing and as long as you do it apropriately you can ignore critics.

2. Don't paint the devil on the wall unless he stands in the hallway, but it won't harm you to have some paint available. - Basically don't constantly prepare for the worst, but should the worst happen, take notes and analyze the situation, and be somewhat prepared to do so.

Who gives a shit what people think it means?

“Man up” is the perfect wording of it. It means take responsibility instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Historically the men are the ones who had to face full reality whereas everyone else could rely on some layer of protection.

You could also try saying “macho your nacho” which I just made up.

Toughen up

Old guy at work asks me if I like my job and I say no. He says "Work is for family not for you."

"Once you've got a task to do, it's better to do it than live with the fear of it."
-Logan nine fingers (Joe Abercrombie)

Helped me a lot in dark times...

bro down, dude

Do your duty. Take responsibility. Do what needs to be done.

Man up doesn't mean do something stupid, it means do it has to be done, good or bad. Get it done.

"We choose to do things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

"If it hurts, it means that it grows"

Come hang out in [email protected]

Don't let your emotions rule you.

I'm also fond of a line from The Matrix: There is no spoon.

Adversity is inevitable, mistakes are your greatest teacher. Learn and grow, or become your own prisoner.

I reframe it as a reminder that something is temporary. "I only have to deal with this for x more hours/days/whatever" helps me remember that while I gotta be tough now, I don't necessarily have to be later.

If you're going through Hell, keep going.

My mantras are:
Just do it. 🗸 = stop overanalyzing, start with whatever action you can do right now
Always eat your dessert first. = start with the most enjoyable or easiest part of the task
Be someone else. = pretend it's not you facing the tough situation but someone else who asked you to get them out of it

It's kinda sorta stoicism, just phrased in a judgmental, dismissive way, that is also pointlessly and rather toxically gendered. It's close to the minimum amount of helpfulness "advice" can possibly have.

Being done with stuff feels good if your reward system is working properly. Other than that, while you can have "inertia" issues getting started and that feels kinda stressful, procrastination tends to get stressful too, after a while. At a certain point you'll just have delayed the gratification to fit in some more worried and often unsatisfying faffing around.

Since pushing through whatever seems to work for you and make you feel better, I would focus on that instead of nonsense about not being macho enough.

When I was strugging with motivation in getting out to go for a run or whatever I found "Just do it" to be fairly effective. Only later realizing I was lifting the Nike slogan. Still, it works for me.

There is something of a line between self-care and self-coddling. This is an example of active self care. Sometimes feeling better is a matter of building resistance to the desire to administer convenient but less enduring instant self gratification.

Maybe conceive of it as refusing to spoil your inner child who operates emotionally and not logically?

I'm going to analyze this assuming you're more manly than not, since that's where my experience is at.

Emotions are separate, related issues that can be tackled just like a man can. A therapist with "Men's Issues" experience knows how to frame the woo and abstractions of regular therapy with more actionable techniques. Someone with very intense or inappropriate emotions may need to face the emotions MORE than the problem at hand. There are techniques and viewpoints to be understood, and I had to use these myself.

It's stuff like simple facts about emotions. They exist. They influence your actions. They can be modified and analyzed. They need to be managed like an adult manages a child. Ignoring emotions can compact them into deep seated hurt that induce more emotions. Process your past to free yourself from that hurt. It won't be fast, but it needs to be done.

If certain situations that cause emotions can be avoided, do so when reasonable. If they cannot be ignored, recognize that external help through tools, techniques, and friends are not weakness, but the weapons you use to to fight your battles. Forgive yourself slipping while always focusing on the output. Learn to cry, and know how it makes you more powerful and strong.

Notice that this is closer to "wise old karate master" or "Boy Scout Scoutmaster" talk. It's what men crave but rarely find in popular media. IF the person does not have issues with their emotions and have a sufficiently sized ego, pulling them through the first steps of anxiety and hesitation is enough to make someone feel competent and secure. Positive visualization, goading their ego, pushing buttons (gently), it's good for many men but not for all of them, and it just doesn't translate to a lot of women. Expand your arsenal of emotional management for your target audience. You're a good person for wanting to find a better way to help others.

Nowadays I say "this shit ain't nothing to me" or "it is what it is" a lot. I never thought about it being more gender neutral until this post though.

I try to think about how happy and content Future-me will be once the job is done. I confirm the accuracy of this thought to myself by thinking back to how it was in the past when I completed some task that was difficult for me. So I think of an experience where I realized in hindsight that it wasn't actually that bad and that I was worrying for nothing that I might somehow fail. And even with things that ultimately didn't go well, I can still reassure future-me that there was no need to make a big deal out of it, because even my failures have lost their horror over time; for example, embarrassing moments at school, awkward dates or bad presentations at work. All these things are just water under the bridge or at best even funny when I think back on them today - and that's how it will be in the future: as soon as the job is done, I'll be alright, regardless of whether I succeed or not.

Lets do some wild improvisation!

It promts me to a) just fukkin do it and b) not expect perfection

Feelings are just chemicals in your brain. Don't let those tiny bastards win.