TherapyGary

Alt text:  
A simple infographic with cute white text on a pale pink background which reads:  
How to Level at Veganism  
Lvl 1* - No animal products in diet or clothing  
Lvl 2 - Talks kindly to plants before harvesting  
Lvl 3 - Politely negotiates w/ insects to relocate  
Lvl 4 - Avoids making noise to disturb animals  
Lvl 5 - Avoids breathing out CO2 near animals
Lvl 6 - Does not step on animal shadows  
Lvl 7 - Travels exclusively by stilts  
Lvl 8 - Never eats anything blown on by wind  
Lvl 9 - Only eats what has never been observed   
Lvl 10 - Refuses to consume anything that may have existed in the past or future  
*Honorable mention; not true veganism

Alt text:  
A candid photo of Donald Trump talking on a cellphone, partially obscured by others, edited to appear as though he's being photographed through dirty glass. Typewriter font text of a quote from Albert Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus, aligned along the right side of the image, reads:  
A man is  
talking on  
the telephone  
behind a glass  
partition;  
We cannot  
hear him but  
we witness his  
incomprehensible  
dumb show:  
One wonders  
why he is alive  

I hope this doesn't count as self-promotion; I'm just really proud of my logo and want validation

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/22534628

Introducing: Loving Lockdown

Are you tired of the same old conflicts with your partner or child? Do you find yourself longing for the good old days when you didn't have to deal with their constant presence? Look no further! The premier therapeutic kidnapping service is here (now with 98% less Nazis!)

How it works

Our team of highly supervised, unlicensed therapists will swoop in and whisk away that special someone, giving you the space and solitude you so desperately crave. And don't worry- we'll make sure they're well taken care of in a secure, undisclosed location.

What?

Our philosophy is simple: absence makes the heart grow fonder. And what's more absent than being held against your will in a windowless room? It's like a couples' retreat where we handle the mental gymnastics for you.

Don't just take our word for it!
Here's what some of our satisfied customers have to say:

"I was skeptical at first, but after my wife was kidnapped, I realized how much I truly loved her. Mostly because I didn't have to deal with her snoring anymore." - Rachel, happy customer

"I sent my kid to Loving Lockdown for a week, and when they came back, they were so grateful to be home that they did all their chores without complaining. It was a miracle!" - Dave, proud parent

"before loving lockdown my wife yapped nonstop but now she doesnt even talk to me and our relationship is better than ever" - Chad, local patriot

Services include:

• Discreet kidnapping and transportation
• Secure, undisclosed holding facilities
• Regular updates on your loved one's well-being (optional)
• A complimentary "I'm sorry" gift basket upon their return

Don't wait any longer to reignite the spark in your relationship. Contact Loving Lockdown today and let us help you create some much-needed distance.

Side effects may include: increased feelings of longing, decreased feelings of responsibility, and hypervigilance. Not responsible for any emotional trauma or law enforcement involvement.

Introducing: Loving Lockdown

Are you tired of the same old conflicts with your partner or child? Do you find yourself longing for the good old days when you didn't have to deal with their constant presence? Look no further! The premier therapeutic kidnapping service is here (now with 98% less Nazis!)

How it works

Our team of highly supervised, unlicensed therapists will swoop in and whisk away that special someone, giving you the space and solitude you so desperately crave. And don't worry- we'll make sure they're well taken care of in a secure, undisclosed location.

What?

Our philosophy is simple: absence makes the heart grow fonder. And what's more absent than being held against your will in a windowless room? It's like a couples' retreat where we handle the mental gymnastics for you.

But don't just take our word for it!
Here's what some of our satisfied customers have to say:

"I was skeptical at first, but after my wife was kidnapped, I realized how much I truly loved her. Mostly because I didn't have to deal with her snoring anymore." - Rachel, happy customer

"I sent my kid to Loving Lockdown for a week, and when they came back, they were so grateful to be home that they did all their chores without complaining. It was a miracle!" - Dave, proud parent

"before loving lockdown my wife yapped nonstop but now she doesnt even talk to me and our relationship is better than ever" - Chad, local patriot

Services include:

• Discreet kidnapping and transportation
• Secure, undisclosed holding facilities
• Regular updates on your loved one's well-being (optional)
• A complimentary "I'm sorry" gift basket upon their return

Don't wait any longer to reignite the spark in your relationship. Contact Loving Lockdown today and let us help you create some much-needed distance.

Side effects may include: increased feelings of longing, decreased feelings of responsibility, and a heightened sense of paranoia. Not responsible for any emotional trauma or law enforcement involvement.

Proof:

https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/19880834
posted 12/21/2024

@[email protected]
created 01/06/2025

Uh Oh:

The community's existence alone -without a clear satire label- has made a fair number of people uncomfortable. I hope 'uncomfortable' is the greatest extent of harm caused, though to be clear, greater distress not encompassed by this word is a valid response that I don't take lightly. I'm currently working on a way to make the community's intent clear without "ruining the magic".

Please feel free to DM me if you don't feel comfortable commenting publicly

Edit:

Good morning! What a sad thing to read upon first waking lol. Everyone is pretty much saying the same thing, so I'll clarify this bit

The purpose of Chad is to be a hated vector for general satire and high effort shitposting. The purpose of the community is to be a circlejerk-style platform for content that requires a level of moderator scrutiny I can't expect from the mods of regular shitposting communities.

A lot of the content that seems to 'fall flat' are basically inside jokes and obscure references. I've made a post that's only funny if you're a law student; one that's only funny to opera nerds and/or French speakers; some etymology/language gags; two best enjoyed by people with ADHD; one for people who read leftist theory. I include references to ITYSL, Monty Python, Napoleon Dynamite, and more. Much of it is parody of obscure Lemmy things that only the chronically online will catch.

This doesn't mean I think your opinions and feelings about it are in any way invalid. The thoughts shared here have given me a lot to think about, so thank you

Chad Version

You're talking to people that want to continue rationalizing their tacit, frequently racist support for genocide, and their easiest out has always been to say, "but Trump is worse". They have never done the introspection required to look at their own personal role as a political being beyond what they're told to do by the Democratic Party and their donors: slacktivist vote shaming, always presuming the high ground for themselves (even while tolerating genocide!), and doing as little as possible on the ground outside of minor exercises in false catharsis like a cop-escorted, permitted march or an ignored letter writing campaign.

When challenged on this by people on the left that do read and do self-reflect, these are the folks that responded in bad faith, even when the context is genocide, because they have made politics into an extension of their egos rather than a project to which to subordinate yourself and devote real work to.

Whining about .ml is their way of pretending to be vindicated every time Trump does something bad, as they cannot actually argue against what the people in .ml say, they must rely on inventions and emotional implications.

In short, many on .ml vocally opposed supporting genociding Democrats. None that I'm aware of expected Trump to be better. At best, a roll of the dice.

Edit:

Sorry, folks. I failed to consider that this is the home instance of the people being target by this comment.

Just to be clear, I'm not a big .ml fan, I'm just an anarchist who's never seen this particular gripe of mine worded so nicely.

Love is a rebellious force- like you, a wild bird that I could never hope to tame. It flutters through my life unpredictably, defying all control and reason. I often find myself grappling with its capricious nature, wondering why it arrives when I least expect it and departs just as swiftly. This freedom is what makes loving you both exhilarating and frustrating.

At its core, love resists my attempts to control it. I’ve tried summoning it with sweet words, grand gestures, and even desperate pleas, but nothing works. Threats or prayers fall flat against love’s whims. I notice that while some express themselves eloquently, others remain silent. It’s often the quiet ones who captivate me the most. Oftentimes you say nothing, but I like it; your silence speaks volumes. In those moments, I realize that the most profound connections are often forged not through words but through unspoken understanding. Silence becomes a powerful form of communication, revealing deeper emotions that words can’t capture.

Love is like a Romani child—free-spirited and unbound by societal norms or expectations. It knows no laws and follows no rules. Love is that rebellious bird that no one can tame; if you don’t love me, I might find myself drawn to you; yet if I love you, I must tread carefully. It is perilously thrilling.

This pursuit of love often feels like trying to catch a bird that flutters just out of reach. I’ve often thought I could surprise it, only to watch as it flaps its wings and flies away. I convince myself that I've captured it, yet it slips away at the slightest provocation. Love frequently eludes me until I stop actively seeking it. This dance of pursuit and retreat defines my relationship with love and, of course, naturally then with you.

As I navigate this landscape of emotions, I find myself caught in a cycle of desire and disappointment. Our love comes and goes with astonishing haste; one moment it feels within my grasp, and the next it vanishes into thin air. There are times when I think I have it, but it avoids me; other times, when I try to dodge it, it holds me close instead. The irony lies in my attempts to control or evade love—when I clutch too tightly, it slips away; yet when I try to sidestep it, I often find myself ensnared by its charms.

So please don't be late again; I really need the car today.

What do y'all think- is this okay to text my wife?