Some Terry Pratchett level thinking is going on here.
Tsaot
Add yellow and they're doomslug shoes!
He should be holding a Goa'uld staff.
It's generally considered polite to the creator to link to the source tweet in a comment. I was not able to find them with the search term "Seymour maggot".
I had a T-shirt with a toaster that had flame decals and just the word toast underneath. People kept asking me what it meant, as if there was a secret meaning to warm bread.
I unsubscribed when they had an article about how rimming isn't unsanitary and how to do it properly. I cannot describe how grossed out I was.
Where are you shopping? Samsung has several great tablets available in a wide range of prices. The S series has the S6 lite, a great tablet with stylus, for $350. There are cheaper tablets without the stylus for cheaper.
Mmmm... Brains...
"Wannabe Florida man from New York..."
This is pretty much the plot of He Who Fights With Monsters. Australian gets Isekaied and proceeds to confuse and dominate. I highly recommend.