So, my fiance and I have for quite awhile come to terms with us being poly, primarily myself but she is cool with it.
Thing is, we've been together for 13 years now, are getting married soon, and while we have agreed that if we ever met someone we clicked with, we also have come to terms with the fact it feels like that won't actually ever happen.
We're both very introverted and keep to ourselves. We aren't actually party goers, and the wildest nights we have are the extremely rare night where we host a board game night with like, maybe 4 friends. And that's a "rager" for us, comparatively.
We've looked into some dating apps but the results are... abysmal. Non starter really.
And since we are both so far along in our life together, it feels more and more like it would be impossible to "Fairly" include another person anyways. They'd forever be "second" in that me and my fiance have thirteen (and counting) years of history, whereas the new person would be starting completely fresh. That doesn't seem like it could ever work anyways, no matter how hard we tried right?
We've talked at length about this and agreed that it just doesn't seem like it could even work, despite us wanting it to, and that we're sorta just gonna have to be cool with being monogamous poly, which is weird but I dunno how else to describe it.
The only situation I've considered that would work is if it was another couple that both of us click with both of them, and everyone vibes with each other in every direction, which then means at least everyone has someone else they have history with, and someone else that is new, which feels more like now everyone is on "equal" footing if you will, removing that feeling of imbalance.
But then of course we have to confront the fact that the odds of two people finding two other people and everyone vibing with everyone else is... well incredibly low. And when I say vibing I'm talking "we want to have a close committed intimate and romantic relationship" level.
So, I guess I wanted to send out some feelers on if any other folks are in this sort of state, how are you navigating it, how do you feel about it, lets talk about this sort of state.
Something to noodle on:
Is it morally wrong to try and initiate a poly relationship with a third person, when the other 2 people have a "fallback" of each other, such that the third person forever will be subjected to the 2v1 power imbalance, that if things broke down the 2 would quick the third out, forever putting them at a disadvantage?
Cuz, personally, I feel like I can't morally subject someone to that myself, I'd forever feel "off" about putting another person (no matter how willing) into that position, it feels... wrong.
Sorta just sounds like you can probably fire a few employees who don't give a fuck.
From experience, a lot of companies tend to be propped up by like 10% of their developers doing 90% of the work, maybe 50% of developers doing the last 10%, and then like 40% of developers either doing fuck all or actively harming the codebases and making more work for the other 60%.
And more often than not, these people are the ones sending stuff like "AI Note Takers" merely to give the illusion of existing.
In reality you have like three devs who actually care and do most of the work having a discussion and like 10 to 30 AFK participants with their cameras off who probably arent even listening or care.
And the thing is, it shows later. The same devs have zero clue wtf is going on, they have zero clue how to do their job, and they constantly get their code sent back or they plague up some codebase that doesnt have reviewers to catch them.
The AI note takers are just the new version of people showing up to meetings with their camera off and never speaking a word.
Except now they burn orders of magitude more power to do it, which is awful.