pixxelkick

So, my fiance and I have for quite awhile come to terms with us being poly, primarily myself but she is cool with it.

Thing is, we've been together for 13 years now, are getting married soon, and while we have agreed that if we ever met someone we clicked with, we also have come to terms with the fact it feels like that won't actually ever happen.

We're both very introverted and keep to ourselves. We aren't actually party goers, and the wildest nights we have are the extremely rare night where we host a board game night with like, maybe 4 friends. And that's a "rager" for us, comparatively.

We've looked into some dating apps but the results are... abysmal. Non starter really.

And since we are both so far along in our life together, it feels more and more like it would be impossible to "Fairly" include another person anyways. They'd forever be "second" in that me and my fiance have thirteen (and counting) years of history, whereas the new person would be starting completely fresh. That doesn't seem like it could ever work anyways, no matter how hard we tried right?

We've talked at length about this and agreed that it just doesn't seem like it could even work, despite us wanting it to, and that we're sorta just gonna have to be cool with being monogamous poly, which is weird but I dunno how else to describe it.

The only situation I've considered that would work is if it was another couple that both of us click with both of them, and everyone vibes with each other in every direction, which then means at least everyone has someone else they have history with, and someone else that is new, which feels more like now everyone is on "equal" footing if you will, removing that feeling of imbalance.

But then of course we have to confront the fact that the odds of two people finding two other people and everyone vibing with everyone else is... well incredibly low. And when I say vibing I'm talking "we want to have a close committed intimate and romantic relationship" level.

So, I guess I wanted to send out some feelers on if any other folks are in this sort of state, how are you navigating it, how do you feel about it, lets talk about this sort of state.

Something to noodle on:

Is it morally wrong to try and initiate a poly relationship with a third person, when the other 2 people have a "fallback" of each other, such that the third person forever will be subjected to the 2v1 power imbalance, that if things broke down the 2 would quick the third out, forever putting them at a disadvantage?

Cuz, personally, I feel like I can't morally subject someone to that myself, I'd forever feel "off" about putting another person (no matter how willing) into that position, it feels... wrong.

Im looking for some form of self hosted application, ideally dockerized(able), that can connect to and manage an existing database (Im not picky on the DB type, Postgres prolly best though).

However Id like if it manages it via a nice well designed ERD. The closest I have found so far is PgAdmin but unfortunately it's ERD leaves a lot to be desired. It's kinda clunky, and it cant "diff" against your existing database to produce a migration script, all it can do is produce a script that expects you to totally drop the existing DB and re-apply the schema from scratch.

Something like Luna/Moon would be cool, but every example I look up seems to be an application you install locally on your machine and interact with directly, as opposed to a web interface.

If you know of such a tool let me know!

I just downloaded the app, its loading posts just fine from lemmy.world, but where on earth do I login?

Clicking on Profile and Submit just tell me they wont work unless I am logged in. Ideally these two CTAs should instead redirect to login if you are not logged in.

I am looking all over this interface and I am either totally blind or completely unable to find the login option, is it buried somewhere or am I crazy?

Edit: Nevermind found it, top of the burger menu, I think maybe the UX of that button could be made a bit more visual, it at first glance with the icon looked like just a title.

Perhaps add a big green + symbol on it so it pops more for adding your account? The dull blue and lemmy icon aren't what I normally would associate typically with a login button, so it totally didn't pop out at me. Legit took me a solid 5+ minutes to notice it D:

Right now there seems to be a bit of an issue where if I want to share a link to a lemmy post with a friend, but if we call different servers our "home", even though both of our "homes" have a roughly similar copy of the same post, there currently is no easy way that I perceive for us to navigate to "our" copy of that post.

This becomes further of an issue when it comes to search engine parsing. For example I use lemmy.world as my "home" server, however when I find information on google it may link to the fedia.io or whatever "sources" link.

For reading this is no big deal.

But if I want to respond to the post, I now need to somehow figure out a way to re-route to the lemmy.world copy of that post to make my submission with my user account.

I think ideally what we need to consider is perhaps one of the following:

A: a browser plugin that can automatically detect and redirect to the matching version of the post for your server

B: OAuth support, so I can OAuth login to any lemmy server with my credentials from my "home" server via an OAuth v2 token