trafguy

I hope your new diagnosis helps you. Learning more about how you think, what motivates you, and what holds you back can help a lot with choosing realistic and satisfying goals. If you keep at it, I think you'll figure out how to achieve something you can call success.

And for what it's worth, I don't think it's possible to be a failure, but I do understand the pain of defeat. Thinking more about it, defeat seems like the pain of wanting something, believing (correctly or otherwise) that it's impossible, and then continuing to hold onto that desire. It's the gap between what we believe to be possible and our expectations, not all that different from grief.

It's a problem, but I don't think it's as unsolvable as that. Figuring out how to overcome the strategies being used to divide us could rapidly repair the damage. Education, both in and out of school, is a crucial element of that. The ones frothing over "liberal tears" clearly don't want to find common ground, so we would need to learn how they communicate and why they won't listen, then find a strategy to break through that barrier and help them on their way to broader skepticism. In essence, once we cure the disease, we need to vaccinate them to mitigate the next outbreak.

There's been some focus on this area of research. We have evidence that "strong men" rise to power by capitalizing on fear and anxiety. They set themselves up as a savior who will get rid of the scary problem by blaming someone/some group that is innocent but unknown (and therefore a suspicious stranger) to their base. They start with (comparatively) small lies and build trust among their following. Once the more suseptible slip into this form of groupthink, they'll fall for bigger and bigger lies, and are very difficult to recover. The question is, how do we wake up they who scream of "sheeple" without an event so tragic it traumatizes an entire generation? The last few times involved massive wars or similarly harrowing events. Events so massive they dissillusioned the followers and forced them to confront the fact that they got played by a charismatic (to them) narcissist with a superiority complex.

Unless we can figure out how to snap these people put of it relatively peacefully, we're most likely going to be in for a really, really bad time before it gets better. With any luck, at least in the US, maybe Trump will get thrown in prison and the Republican party's leadership will turn on Trumpism or collapse before they can take control. Maybe if their chosen authority figure is imprisoned and disowned by their team they'll be able to see clearly again.

If we must tolerate healthcare being tied to work, the least we could do is require employers to pay part of healthcare for all workers based on the fraction of full time they work. 10hrs/30? You get 33% of a full time worker's healthcare benefit. Either as cash or with you covering part of the cost. Work multiple jobs that total 30 hrs? Pick your favorite employer plan and your other employers pay towards it.

But yeah, universal is long overdue, and this would be one of the worst tolerable ways to impelment improvement

I agree with you in some ways, but I think there's a communication barrier here. In short, yes, we need to be united in our approach and we need to focus our efforts in the areas that matter most, but individual action is not a united front; it's the opposite.

We've solved other problems through collective action. The climate accords resulted in the Montreal Protocol, which resulted in bans on freely releasing ozone-depleting chemicals like CFCs. This ban resulted in a resounding success--the hole in the ozone over Antarctica, which had been growing rapidly and threatened to leave us with much less protection from solar radiation, has now basically recovered to pre-industrial levels.

We need government action, and we as a people need to hold our governments accountable to these demands. That means demanding that corporations must implement effective strategies to reduce emissions and resource usage in general. It also means individuals must be pressured towards these changes, but that can only work if it's economically feasible for the average person. I'm in my mid-20s working full time and I can't even afford housing for myself, nor could I find a modest, truly eco-friendly home if I wanted to. How am I supposed to dedicate the energy to find more eco-friendly options when they're sparse, poorly supported or actively resisted by the structure of society, and most of my energy is already taken up just fighting to survive at all?

Yeah, that's the spirit! Let's all just blame ourselves for being born into a system which actively prevents you from choosing not to be a part of it! ^/s

But seriously though, individual action can be a little helpful and it's worth doing the parts that aren't an excessive cognitive load, but it's much, much more effective to have government regulate environmental action. Choosing to compost your vegetable scraps is helpful, but it pales in comparison to the industrial yard 30 miles over burning guzzoline by the kiloliter like they're in some sort of Mad Maxian hellscape.

Yeah, that's definitely some fucked up shit. You didn't deserve to be tormented like that. There are some really fucked up people, and you've met far more than your share of them. If you don't have the strength to get up, I get it. It's understandable. And they did fail you. your parents, your teachers, your police force, and every authority figure who could have intervened but didn't--all of them bear the blame for what you went through.

I don't have the time to respond in detail, but I can say a few more things:

• I can attest that I won't deliberately hurt anyone. I've lashed out at people verbally when I was in a bad place, but that's the extent of it. Hell, I was bit by a random dog a few months ago and my first thought was "what happened to this dog that made it afraid of me?". I know there are tolerant people because I talk to a few regularly, and because I do my best to be one myself.
• I don't know what you've tried, but there's a therapy called EMDR that is designed to help people with PTSD. Basically, you sit down with a trained professional and go through the memories that are stuck in your head while following some specific exercises that help you avoid getting sucked too far into them. I've heard it's really helpful for some people.
• I get the feeling you recognize that I'm not the same person who hurt you, but if not, please try to remember that each person is unique. Some of them are assholes, some of them are neutral or even helpful. And if you approach anyone with aggression, you'll usually find they respond with either fear or aggression. If you go to a bar or a crowded public park and just say "hello" in a somewhat positive tone to a few people, I bet you'll get a range of responses. Some of them might be suspicious or want to be left alone, and some will likely be open to a conversation.

I know this is much easier to say than it is to internalize and believe, but it doesn't matter what any singular person thinks about you. There are people out there who do their best to understand and accept you as you are, without using what they learned to make half-assed guesses about the rest of who you are. They may be few and far between (or maybe not), but I know they exist. As soon as you start looking for those who accept you instead of trying to be accepted by those who don't, you'll be on a better course. And don't be afraid of anti-depressants. Depression makes yiu want to give up on fighting, makes you think nothing can help. It's a lie by which the illness sustains itself. By listening to that lie, you may protect yourself from harm, but you'll also "protect" yourself from finding happiness.

And remember, parents, old friends, etc. who don't necessarily get you too well aren't necessarily trying to be cruel, but you may never have quite the relationship with them you wish you could. They have their own problems from their own anxieties and abuse growing up, their own mental health issues, etc., and that can limit the depth of relationships they can achieve with you. Try to be patient, but don't drive yourself insane trying to achieve what isn't possible.

And if you feel like you don't belong, maybe you don't, and maybe that's okay. Maybe you're neurodivergent or simply have morals or interests that are incompatible with theirs. But the fact remains, there is someone who will accept you and with whom you can belong in peace, if you can open yourself up to let them. You haven't lost until the last time you give up on finding them. Giving up on something you still deeply care about, without eventually picking it back up again, is the only failure. It's okay to quit, but don't be afraid to come back to it if you care about it.

~ advice I try to accept myself, would give my younger self, and may hopefully be at least a little helpful for you

As others have said, intelligence manifests in many ways. It can also change over time for various reasons. Do you have a specific example in mind for a situation where you had a hard time coping with a person you considered less intelligent (or possibly witnessed a very frustrated person who you perceived as highly intelligent)? A specific example would make it clearer what particular struggles you're having.

One thing that helps is just trying to recognize that each person is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. Just because someone may struggle to effectively communicate, either by struggling to absorb or share information accurately and efficiently, doesn't mean they aren't able to learn and communicate well in other ways.

Try to speak to them as a person. Meet them where they are to the best of your ability, but without holding any notions of superiority (it's rude and unproductive to be condescending). And if they're not communicating with logic, bear in mind you can't convince them with logic, and you may find you're better off leaving them be and continuing with your day.

Or do you perhaps mean that others react poorly to the way you communicate? The above advice could still help a lot with that, but you may, like me, have some challenges with emotional intelligence or interpersonal skills. If others are targeting you for harassment, they may feel threatened by your behavior or otherwise have a tribalistic instinctive recognition that you stand out. So you could choose to learn that language or find ways to avoid those types of reactive people, which could include bringing in people with authority to mediate depending on your situation.

I'm currently working full time in web development. Cost of living is just crazy compared to what I've been able to find for suitable employment, and while it doesn't help that the types of work I tolerate well are perhaps limited by neurodivergence, I don't think it's the primary factor.

But that's beside the point. I was more just saying that there are definitely people who can present as though they're doing about as well as you could expect of a person with their background without considering neurodivergence, but still qualify for a diagnosis. Or put another way, it's possible, in some cases, to work hard enough to fly under the radar and not even recognize it yourself. I didn't have any issues with independence, really, until I hit an intense burnout from extreme levels of overwork and overall stress. I wouldn't be shocked to learn of others in my position, so I'm hesitant to suggest someone may not resonate fully with the experience just because they haven't hit their limit yet.

If you are able to function independently, then you probably won’t be clinically diagnosed even if you have some struggles here and there.

I disagree. I have official diagnoses for both ADHD and ASD and am mostly functional most of the time. If I earned enough, I'd be living on my own. I was diagnosed as an adult within the past few years while working nearly full time and I made it on time to each of the several appointments that went into getting that diagnosis. If what you say is true, I doubt the assessor would have been willing to give a diagnosis.