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Toxic empathy...?
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this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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So, this is controversial, but when I hear "toxic masculinity" I understand that it means that not all masculinity is toxic, but masculinity can have toxic forms. In the interest of using precise language, I do believe that, in the realm of all possibilities, there can conceivably be toxic forms of empathy.
Now, I don't think that left/progressive ideals are toxic in general, and certainly aren't toxic when they're based in empathy and compassion. And I realize that the "side" that coined the phrase "toxic empathy" is also the side that thinks "toxic masculinity" is an absolute phrase. So it would make sense that right/conservative people would think "oh we'll call ideals we don't like toxic, like the libs do with masculinity" without any deeper understanding.
Just want to be pedantic to try to keep the capital-D Discourse on the nature of empathy from becoming black-and-white polarized.
The only toxic empathy I can think of is Stockholm syndrome.
Which situations can you conceive that would be made worse by all involved parties understanding each others feelings?
There's a form of empathy I, and I think some of my friends, experience by being raised by selfish parents. We're hyper-aware of others' feelings, dread upsetting anyone, and take personal responsibility for other peoples' unhappiness (all of it, even if we didn't have any influence).
There's another form, that's kind of like a complement to retribution and revenge. A person goes overboard trying to soothe their own empathy-inspired unhappiness that they to go absurd ends to address the source of unhappiness. Maybe like PETA, or people experiencing moral panic.
Another form that comes to mind is the mother from Requiem for a Dream - enablers. She knows her son is an addict, she knows that he's constantly stealing her TV to sell for drug money, but she dutifully buys her TV back from the pawn shop every time, because she can't say no to her son.
I suppose, taking drastic action to soothe one's own empathy, and not addressing the real source of unhappiness, can be pretty toxic, especially when used to manipulate, coerce and sway others.
Yeah exactly, I don't get it either.
With "Toxic Masculinity" it's pretty clear how masculinity - which is not a problem in itself - can become over-applied to the point where it's damaging both to oneself and to others.
But toxic empathy? Is it really possible to care about others too much? To try and see things from someone else's perspective too much? I feel like it really isn't, because there can never be enough of that in the world.
Which means "toxic empathy" is genuinely nothing more than a nonsense phrase for people who don't wish to see or hear about any viewpoint except their own.
I'm not a believer in toxic empathy, I pretty much agree with your assessment here - just going to play devil's advocate for a sec. If a bad actor purposefully pretended to feel a certain way to elicit empathy to influence a group, that could conceivably lead to toxic empathy.
Thinking about it, essentially what the author of the article is attempting. Projection the whole way down.
Toxic masculinity has always appeared to be a typical in group/out group thing to me.
Scammers take advantage of our empathy. If the response to the scam is empathy, that doesn't make it toxic, it makes the attempt to take advantage of it toxic, and that isn't empathy, but a lack of it.
Couldn't what we typically call concern trolling be a type of toxic empathy? Of course you could make an argument that concern trolling is entirely removed from empathy, but then things like toxic positivity tends to only be positive at a very surface level view.
Concern trolling is trying to hijack other people's empathy for their own goals. It may look like empathy, but it really isn't.
Toxic positivity, on the other hand, really is positivity, but ramped up to eleven, to the point where it becomes harmful.
A hypothetical "toxic empathy" could be our evolved hunting technique. We would run down prey with endurance hunting. If we lost them, we could use empathy to put ourselves in their mindset, and so predict their movements.
Even this would be "venomous empathy". Toxic masculinity is partially defined by the way it hurts the man doing it. It's toxic to the host. It's misused enough however to muddy that, considerably.
Toxic empathy is when you bite them and feel bad. Venomous empathy is when they bite you and you feel bad.
Pick a lane? I mean no offense, but I did kinda feel like I had a stroke trying to follow your argument.
The way I see it, "toxic empathy" is self contradicting, which is a regular tactic of fascist propaganda. The whole point is to interfere with the listeners' ability to approach their argument with reason and logic, leaving them more vulnerable to emotional manipulation.
Anyway, I'll just go ahead and say it: no, there is no such thing as "toxic empathy". It's a meaningless word salad to dress their appeal to emotion up to look like some kinda of reasoned argument (but only if you don't look to close, which of course a radical will do everything to avoid).
Not really making an argument, just want to speak precisely.
Empathy used to justify or enable harmful actions is toxic. Like, say, people who use at an excuse for retribution, or people who do something harmful to soothe their own empathy, or people who enable another's toxic activities out of empathy.
Empathy and compassion aren't very well-defined, but I have always understood empathy to be about sharing in another's feelings, good or bad. Compassion is a little more distanced, it's about understanding another's feelings and simultaneously being considerate about it.
Empathy can be very powerful, and introduce feelings and emotions into someone who doesn't know how to deal with them well.
BTW I'm not trying to make a case against empathy, not at all. But I think about empathy and compassion a lot, and while I still want to champion them as virtues, they can be just as complex and subtle as any other human experience. I think our lack of nuanced understanding of empathy and compassion is a root cause of a lot of human problems, especially recently.