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Losing your virginity, sex and reproduction for what I've seen. Monetary back up (not always and slightly more beneficial for women).
The need to put up with other people's shit. Sacrifice your "me" time. Meeting people you don't care about. Being related by proxy to people you don't care about it. Giving up your freedom. Being manipulated in certain way just because otherwise you won't have sex. Discussions, discussions discussions. If married, high probability of divorce.
Very incel way of looking at relationship.
For real. Sex is great, sure. What I want for all of the parts of the relationship that aren't having sex is mostly just someone I really like hanging out with
That's you though.
I don't hate women. So no. I hate how that term is thrown if people don't wanna accept your way of living.
Incel doesn't exactly only mean hating woman, incel is basically why you're still single, then you blame it on everything else other than you, hating woman are just a part of it. If someone doesn't want to accept your way of living, then find someone else.
I'm not blaming anything. I'm well aware what an average semi attractive woman wants from a man. I will never be those things. That's not me, I never cared about being those things.
Before I was in a relationship, I was 100% wrong about what "those things" actually are, for what that's worth.
You're a minority, women want most of the time chatting and socially active strong men able to carry a conversation, manly enough to create a home and have a decent amount of money but delicate enough to be romantic. I can't do any of those things. Admit it, that's the majority of women.
So, have you been in past relationships where you learned this or from some sort of observation (going on dates for example)?
I've never been in a relationship. I know this by proxy, average, heard things, data. You don't need to be in a relationship to notice these things dude. Again, if the requirements for a relationship would be as low as the other dude says they were, then people like me wouldn't exist.
So is your relationship abstinence due to striking out because your personality or idea of relationships doesn’t fit the norm and you can’t find a suitable partner, or has your perception of relationships kept you from pursuing relationships entirely?
You basically asked the same thing again. I'm not a good candidate, I don't have a job and when I had one was low income, I'm not social at all, i hate going out to do fun stuff, I don't want to engage or entangle with "her family", I don't drive or own a car, I don't have my own place, I'm not physically strong or good looking and I don't care about being it. I'm not charming or romantic and hate conversations. Would you date me if I you were a girl? No right? That's my point.
I didn’t ask the same question, and you avoided answering mine which was: have you tried or have you just considered yourself a failure?
I became friends with a guy like you, and I had money so I took him places and paid for things because we had fun together. Your situation isn’t hopeless, but your attitude is. Yes, if you want to have a relationship, you do have to be personable because that’s the only way someone would want to hang out with you. You listed all the negative things about your situation but nothing about your hobbies, what you like to do. Okay, you don’t like to “go out and have fun” but do you like to stay in and have fun? My friend and I often played video games together, is that an option?
There are detriments on your list that sound negative not only to a potential partner, but to you. Do you want to have a job? Do you want to have your own place? If so, what’s stopping you? I know you were reading that ex-incel post, so you know many people started by focusing on what they wanted to improve in their lives and forgetting about relationships. You are in a negative place, and I will bet that it’s not just about relationships but about yourself.
Btw, my friend is in a poly relationship now, got his GED, moved to his own place, went to trade school, and works at a news station. The most important thing is he is more confident, comfortable with himself as he is, and happy. It’s not impossible, but you do have to do the work.
You’ll probably have an angry response to this, but I don’t want anyone to think they are a lost cause because that’s what their brain is saying and how society makes them feel, so I just wanted to say something.
Edit: Just to answer your question: I can not say if I would want to date you because I don’t know you. All you talked about was your life situation, not your personality: likes, hobbies, tastes in music, etc. Being compatible in those things would help me determine that.
Angry? I'm just saying the truth. I like videogames but that's hardly anything majority of women like, majority haven't even playing anything in their lives. And honestly no, I don't want to "improve" or change myself into being another person. I dunno what ged is, I'm guessing it's studies, I had only make it up to middle school. You think I'm a failure, I don't care.
Where did I say you were a failure? I am just trying to help. But it seems, as angry as you come off on the internet, you are happy with all the things you listed as detrimental to having a partner, which is fine. It’s just so odd that someone so opposed to having a relationship because they are happy with they way they are would even get so involved in a discussion on relationships with no real experience on the topic.
Though I will say, that the fact that you don’t want to improve yourself at all would be a red flag against me dating you. I believe that we should strive to improve ourselves every day - to become better people than we were before - because when you stay the same, you stagnate, which is not beneficial to your health or mental wellbeing.
Anyway, have a great life, good luck! I hope you get everything you deserve in life! ✌️
I've never said I'm happy. I'm fucked. But that's the way things are
And your defeatist attitude will keep you there. Again, good luck. 👍
Is just facts, so I'm a defeatist because I don't wanna fit?
You are a defeatist because you are unhappy and unwilling to do anything about it.
And that’s the last I’m saying. I just can’t bother with someone who wants to keep talking like the world is the way it is and there’s nothing you can do to change it.
See, that's what i'm saying.
You didn't said anything. Again if what you had said was the truth then I wouldn't be single.
This is exactly what people are referring to when they say you sound like an incel, fyi
Again. Incorrect
Doubt it. Every single person who's seen you talk in this thread has agreed. That should be your trigger to say "I wonder why that is". Or ignore the outside world, but then why post here?
This is an incel attitude. The notion that "all women" want any single thing, let alone this caricature is gross. It's insulting to women and men alike, and betrays that your mindset is immature, ill-informed, and toxic.
That is also what I thought. And I was mostly wrong.
Everyone is unique. Stereotypes usually exist for reasons, but exceptions are much more common than I realized.
I am, genuinely, several of those things, at least a small fraction of the time.
But that's not my secret.
I'll share my key attributes that really worked:
Presently, how I maintain my relationship:
Stereotype exist because it's a reality. You being lucky has nothing to do with that. I could try to do what you had done 50 times without any results.
Put this on the positive list. Usually this makes you stronger and a better person.
Is not a positive, ESPECIALLY if you don't want to. Also not everyone wants to be a better person... Whatever the hell that means.
OK, so it is a positive ESPECIALLY for the ones who just come out of a childish defiant phase... ;-)
You're being downvoting because people believe in the "romantic ideal" and never analyzed how relationships really look like for a large number of people.
What you write about is not a good thing but unfortunately that's how most people practice relationships.
Well "most" might be a too strong of a qualifier. Depends a lot on the culture. If you come from a culture where marriage is so important that's almost mandatory, the above kind of relationship is inevitable.
Some of those cons could be true, but I think the bigger problem is that they only listed "sex and money" as the only pros.
What are you doing in a relationship if that person isn't basically a really good friend that you can laugh with, do hobbies with, watch and talk about movies with, share music with, etc.
Sure you might have to hang out with mutual friends you don't love (Though a good partner won't force you to). You do need to spend time on their hobbies and likes if you don't specifically share them. I'm not sure if I can vouch for the rest, though, those are some cons where you need to be really selective and find like minds to be with (don't like to speak very often).
the other two (manipulated for sex, fear of divorce) are more like things you should go to therapy to learn not to tolerate or worry about, respectively.
Absolutely, I agree with you completely. And I actually believe finding a life partner is possible. There are good examples out there.
It's just when you come from a, let's call it heteronormative (word of the day) environment, you are constantly pressured into being in a relationship. With anyone. Doesn't matter if you want it. It leads to awful mental health.
That and if the idea of being lonely frightens you or makes you sad it can be easy to want to latch onto anyone, that's really easy to fall into.
Also, unless they meant fear of breaking up, there's no need to fear being divorced if you just don't get married. Not everybody wants or needs to get married, that also sort of falls into the "take your time and really assess the partner" idea
I've said this before, my mother and father weren't friends. Yet they were married for 11 years. That's more than many friends being married. Is not necessary.
It's not necessary, no, but it can totally be a pro, unless you just don't want to be friends with your lover.
I find this perspective unfortunate. It is interesting to see how other people view relationships, but I'm not sure I like what I see. This doesn't seem healthy.
Majority of things we do aren't healthy. Also maybe for the fragile isn't healthy, but for me it is. Be loyal to me, I'm loyal to you, love me and I'll love you, belong to me and I'll belong to you, that's it. Why complicate things with more bullshit?