this post was submitted on 31 Dec 2024
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Love is not a thing that happens to you, love is an action. Love is a conscious decision, made every day. Love is work.
I once read some research done on marriages and love and what predictors there are for a marriage failing.
https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/
What an odd take.
10 years for the children to be able to fend for themselves? Assuming you are married before the first pregnancy, then have a full term birth at 40 weeks, then wait 12 months before the second birth that would put the first child around ... 8 when this hypothetical "ideal" marriage dissolved, and subsequent children even younger.
Which wouldn't make sense at all from an evolutionary standpoint, finding another man to step in as a father is not easy, so much so that there were laws around the care of widows in most societies.
The average marriage duration is only 7 years? Seems its nearly double that here in Australia. I also have two 18 year olds living at home who say they desperately want independence but also don't want to get a job or do dishes, and have the sexual maturity of a potato.
I don't think we are "meant to" have any particular relationship type or length, humans are far too diverse for that.
Edit: Some interesting replies, notably both touch on the concept of "it takes a village" which I agree is something we have sadly lost in most of Western society. I however do not think it is a stand in for long term family units. Instead I think a "village" type of setup takes the pressure off parents and allows for a stronger partnership. The countries with longest marriages are all either countries with multi-generational housing as the norm, or with higher incomes per capita.
I think you're confusing human/evolutionary nature with things that are a product of our, very recent, hyper-individualist societies. You ever heard the phrase, "it takes a village"? Early humans, heck even 50 years ago humans, lived much more communally than we do today. Especially if you read about native american societies.
It's reasonable that a child could rely less on the parents in their home being in any specific arrangement if there is a robust and wholesome community/found family for them to fall back on, which teaches them how to be a productive member and compels them to do so. Look at boys and girls clubs of america, as just one very modern example.
I concur.
It's called serial monogamy and a real thing.
Have you included the years of exclusive dating prior to marriage? Or contrasted that with people that date for years without labeling it or getting married?
Ok.
But now how does swinging factor into this? Humans are monke. Maybe we evolved to swing?
Edit: my name is going first on the research paper.
It's the kids. 11+ yrs still kicking it as dinks. Best thing ever!
Lol, you rationalize a lot instead of feeling it, right? Universe ends in heat death, Food supply will chease 2042, climate wars will ravage earth, populism reigns... and you really think there is still a meaning to all this except: "Have the most fun before you die but don't be an asshole." (or whatever you want)
Bringing children to this world to feel a purpose for someone's own life is kind of sad and super unfair towards the children. (Go child! Distract me from my own mortality!)
Live life how you want to, mine is brilliant I hope ours will be too my friend.
The biological aspect may be true if you take only the body. If you take the head (psyche), it would fuck you up seriously to switch families every 10 years, additionally you need to be available for older children too ( and you will propably do this once probably, before you grow old and tired and just want to cuddle with someone you know instead of sex with someone you barely do...)
And it's a two way street. Don't put expectations on the other of what you don't provide yourself. If the relationship is boring to you, act to make it less boring.