Depending on the level of contact you want to keep with him going forward, being in contact with the family may not be a good idea.
this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
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Relationship Advice
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For big breakups 3-6 months is normal as the recovery period.
Look forward to six months of emotional pain and difficulties sleeping.
I remember your old posts. You made the right call.
It's hard to tell how long you will be sad. For me, I was sad in the beginning because I missed the good times in the relationship and the things that I wished the relationship could have been. It faded the more I remembered the bad times and how much they weren't worth any good times, and how my own vision of what I wanted the relationship to be would never come to fruition.
You might logically know it, but you won't truly know it after some time. Don't beat yourself up over that.
Right now, focus on yourself and your healing. It might take a week. It might take a month or even a few. But either way you can get through this, and when you do, you will be tougher and wiser. You got this!
I have not read your previous posts, but am only offering a specific perspective for you to consider..
There are 3 minds ( levels/substances )..
- SurfaceMind, which dissolves ever few yours
- underlying-LifeMind ( we make ours unconscious, but it can be conscious, too )
- Soul/Continuum..
These 3 minds each have their own interests.
WHEN the interests of an unconscious-LifeMind contradict the interests of that LifeMind's SurfaceMind, THEN damage is made to result.
There is no way to prevent mistakes from being committed, by a mind who hasn't earned their own experience-induced-understanding, yet.
Irregardless of whether your current-choice was "right" or "wrong", or whether his was, or whether anyone's inaction was "right" or "wrong", only through committing into one's Eternity, & moving-on to one's next lesson, CAN one continue engaging one's own life-process, properly.
Making oneself stuck, in order to protect past-habit, isn't living.
Maybe what I'm saying is inappropriate to your current moment ( I doubt that ), but it is important, and our culture pretty-much never says it.
I'm not making any judgement on your action, or his, or whatever your shared past was, I'm only identifying a mechanism that is basic to evolving, to growing-up, and whether it is less or more pertinant now, or later, isn't relevant: use the understanding, the perspective, when YOU find it appropriate, see?
_ /\ _
PS: the most important relationship-competencies are:
- Gottman's books
- Logan, King, & Fischer-Wright's book ( research-based ) "Tribal Leadership", on the 5 levels of process, & how we are pushed into the lower 3 dysfunctional levels, & how to get ourselves up into the healthy 2 levels
- Kegan & Lahey's "Immunity to Change", on our unconscious-mind's fighting off of growing-up, adapting, surviving, in order to protect its already-established ignorance, and how to objectively dismantle our unconscious-mind's sabotaging of our lives.
To whomever reads this, who has the spiritual-liveliness to dig into those, you are changing your life to create life-agility in your life, when you invest in understanding those..
Halvorson's "The 8 Motivational Challenges" is also strongly recommended: simple, fundamental, & important.
Salut, Namaste, & Kaizen, eh?
_ /\ _
Word salad