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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ambitious_Thread on 2023-08-18 19:55:14+00:00.
TL;DR: I’m known for being picky when it comes to romantic partners…am I being too picky this time? What would you do in this situation?
I (24f) have been seeing someone (25m) for a couple of months. We were friends for a few months before we started actually pursuing each other romantically. For the most part, things have been great. He treats me well, is good to me and my friends and animals, and has most if not all of the qualities I've been looking for.
My best friend is very conventionally attractive. She and I have been friends for 11 years, and many of the people I have talked to or dated have thought that she was very beautiful.....and she is. This is not her fault or an issue I hold with her, it is simply important facts. Often times, she has a more available schedule than I do (my job is a 9-5 and hers is not), so she can go to more activities with our friends than I can. Sometimes, this can make me feel a bit left out. This, again, is not her fault and she and I have a very healthy friendship.
Recently, I expressed this to the guy I've been seeing and he said "well, she is a very attractive woman, but I think you're more attractive." This comment was fairly unprompted, because the main focus of the conversation was that she was invited to/attended a baseball game with our friends and I hadn't received an invite. All he said in regards to my main point (the baseball game) was "we can go to the next one together". I assume he was just trying to help, but it stung a little that he brought up her looks and more focused on that. I did tell him that it did bother me a bit that he said that, and he gave me a quick "I didn't mean it like that" apology and we moved on.
Secondly, today, I experienced some inappropriate touching at work. One of our vendors, seemingly intentionally, touched my ass. However, initially I was afraid to make a false allegation because I am new to the company. I have never dealt with anything like this in the work place and didn't want to to get someone in trouble in case it was an accident. I tried to go to him to support. He know that I have experienced significant trauma related to this in my life. All he said was "Well, if you think it was on purpose definitely tell someone I wouldn't know what to do other than that." (that's a direct quote).
No "I'm really sorry that happened" or "Are you ok?".....it felt really cold and unsupportive. For example, when I told my best friend about it, she immediatley asked if there was anything she could to to help, offered to help me formulate my email to HR (which I did end up sending), and overall made me feel safe and supportive. I left him on read and haven't talked to him since this morning. He hasn't tried to reach out since he texted me that either.
So Reddit, would I be a huge dick for calling it quits because of his comments, or lack thereof? Or am I being rational?